DEAR ABBY: How should teen-age girls say "no" to sex? My answer: BE HONEST.

After seeing many of my friends regret losing their virginity, I decided I wasn't gong to make the same mistake. When I began dating Scott, I told him I wasn't ready to have sex, and if that's what he was looking for, he should go elsewhere.

Well, he stayed. And now, two years later -- we're engaged to be married! I'm living proof that honesty is the bet policy.. -- BETH PAILTHROPE, MARIETTA, GA.

DEAR ABBY: I thought you might enjoy my daughter Aimee's way of saying "No." It was printed in the December 1994 issue of Reader's Digest.

"While attending a small, conservative college, my daughter worked as a veterinarian's assistant. When she transferred to Texas A&M University in College Station, I began worrying about how she would deal with the raging hormones of the young men on campus.

"No problem, Mom," she said. "I always introduce my date to my cat Ralph. ?Then I mention that I neutered him myself."

Her father's comment about our daughter's method was, "She probably doesn't have many second dates." -- LINDA BARNETT, IRIVING, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I joined the Air force when I was 19, so I got a lot of practice saying, "No." Most of the guys I dated said the didn't believe the rumors that I didn't put out, and I knew that some of them dated me just to prove to themselves that they could score.

Once the conversation got around to sex, I was pretty straight forward and said I didn't believe in premarital sex. A couple of guys called me a tease, but in the military any girl who doesn't put out is either a "tease" or a "lesbian." That gets the male off the hook for his failure to conquer. My most successful phrase was used when the kissing got out of hand. I would say, "I have Stop signs, not Yield signs." And I followed it with, "When I say an area of my anatomy of Off Limits, I mean don't go there!" It usually got a laugh and eased what could have become a tense situation.

A couple of years ago I ran into one of my old boyfriends, and as we were catching up he asked if I had given in before marriage. He then told me that he'd thought about me often throughout the years, as he compared other's morals to mine. Then he said he really respected me and wished more girls were like that.

I know you'll get thousands of responses, but if you print mine please sign me -- NO REGRETS

DEAR ABBY: My standard reply to a boy who wanted sex was, "Do you want to be a father?" That usually stopped him cold. Then I would say, "I don't want to be a mother, either." And that was usually the end of it.

Once in a while I'd run into someone who carried a condom in his wallet, then I just had to give a firm "NO."

I have passed this strategy on to several girls over the years, and they've always thanked me for the tip. I hope this helps your readers. -- JANIS C. IMINER, PITTSFORD, N.Y.

DEAR READERS: I'll devote my Wednesday, Sept. 18 column to more responses from readers. Stay tuned.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Wondering in Florida" (who sent only a congratulatory letter upon receiving graduation announcements from young relatives she barely knew), I only wish she were my daughter's acquaintance.

Our daughter is sensitive and caring, and she keeps in contact with friends and family. However, months before her high school graduation, she explained why she wouldn't be sending out any announcements. Her reasoning? In her mind, such pronouncements are all too often regarded by the sender and receiver as a request for a gift. Unfortunately, graduation, engagement, wedding and baby announcements tend to carry this unspoken message, although I hope that was not their original intention.

Including a note that no gift is necessary would only draw attention to the subject. Too bad there's no easy way to reverse the trend, but if more recipients did what "Wondering" did, families and friends would begin to see the real meaning behind the announcements sent to them. In our daughter's mind, "Wondering" wouldn't have been. -- NO ANNOUNCEMENT FROM ILLINOIS

DEAR NO ANNOUNCEMENT: Your letter may be a step in reversing the trend. The purpose of an announcement of any kind is to share good news. No gift is required in response. A warm letter of congratulations is the most that is necessary, and the most that should be expected.

DEAR ABBY: I regularly baby-sit some wonderful children, and I really enjoy it. My only problem is with their father. Sometimes he is verbally abusive. He yells at them and calls them names for little things, like spilling a drink when he could have spilled it himself as easily.

I know he hits them when he loses his temper, but I don't know how often. It's very painful to watch.

Is there anything I can do to help? I'm only 14 and I doubt he would listen to anything I said. The mother is afraid to say anything because she knows he has a terrible temper. -- WORRIED BABY SITTER

DEAR WORRIED: A 14-year-old baby sitter would be making a big mistake to confront a parent for verbally abusing his children.

I suggest you tell your own parents about what's happening in that household. Someone must protect those children, and possibly their mother.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem for which I see no solution. Next month I will be going out of state to visit a friend of mine for about a week. This stay is part fun and part personal business. She and her close male friend who will be present most of the time both smoke. I do not smoke. In fact, cigarette smoke makes me rather ill. Since I am visiting her, how can I possibly tell her not to smoke in her own home? What can I do in this situation? -- LUCIE, PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR LUCIE: You certainly should not tell her not to smoke in her own home. But do tell her that cigarette smoke makes you "rather ill," so she shouldn't be offended if you take a little fresh air break while she puffs away. And take an air freshener to use occasionally, especially in the room in which you will sleep.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: Yesterday I printed some of the avalanche of mail I received when I asked readers to tell me how they just said "No" to sex. During the rest of this month I'll devote one column a week to other terrific responses.

DEAR ABBY: Parents are their children's most valuable sex educators and should not only provide them with "the facts," but also make sure they are familiar with the most frequently used "lines" they'll hear, so they won't fall for them.

They include: "You would if you loved me." "Everyone's doing it!" "I won't hurt you." "I'll still respect you." "I'll stop when you say so." "No one will ever know."

It's important that young women practice what they'll say before they are faced with the situation, because in the heat of the moment it's often too late. Josh McDowell, the author of "How to Help Your Child Say 'No' to Sexual Pressure," has provided the following pressure lines and possible answers:

Line: "Everyone's doing it."

Reply: Then you won't have a problem finding someone else.

Line: "If you love me, you'll have sex with me."

Reply: If you love ME, you'll respect my feelings and stop.

Line: "Want to get in the back seat?"

Reply: No, I'd rather sit up front with you.

Line: "Sex will only cause our love to grow."

Reply: Into what? Parents?

Line: "You don't know what you're missing."

Reply: That'll make two of us!

Line: "Don't worry, I'll use protection."

Reply: You're going to need protection when Daddy finds out what you're trying!

-- JOYCE LE BRIGHT, MILFORD, DEL.

DEAR ABBY: My response to boyfriends who want sex: "Show me an income, enough responsibility to be a good husband and that you want to be a great father, and I'll have sex." It worked for me.

Girls who are afraid of being rude should remember: Don't be afraid of being rude, because once he finds out that he's going to be the father of your child and will have to support it until it's of legal age, he won't think twice about being rude to you by denying he's the father and trying to ditch you and the baby.

The "reward" for a date should be your company. It shouldn't be sex. -- DEBORAH FROM TACOMA, WASH.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter dated a young man she was crazy about for only five weeks when he began pressuring her for sex. Here's what she told him: "OK. It'll cost you about $75."

He asked her why.

"You'll need it for the license, the minister and the motel," she replied.

He said, "I get the point." Three months later he married her. -- PROUD MOTHER IN TAMPA, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: The concerned counselor who told you the teen-age girls she counsels are getting pregnant after "going out" with a guy needs to update her knowledge of the modern vernacular. The phrase "going out" has replaced "going steady," and carries with it the implication of an intimate, long-term relationship that probably does include sexual intercourse. Those teen pregnancies she's encountering are more than a case of girls being unable to "just say no." -- JERRILYN KAPLAN, ALAMEDA, CALIF.

DEAR JERRILYN: You're right about the vernacular, but not necessarily correct about the teen-age girls.

DEAR READERS: My next column on how to rebuff unwanted sexual advances will appear on Wednesday, Sept. 11. Stay tuned!

DEAR READERS: If you would like your letter considered for publication, please include your name, area code and telephone number.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)