DEAR READERS: I'll be on vacation between Aug. 18 and Aug. 31. Don't panic -- I've selected some of my favorite letters from past years to fill the gap. I hope you enjoy them.

DEAR ABBY: My 5-year-old daughter, Penny, is in a gifted children's class in public school. She has a classmate, Randy, who is a handsome, kind little fellow, but Penny says that no one likes him because he is dirty. She says he wears the same dirty jeans and T-shirt, his tennis shoes are holey, the laces untied, he never wears socks or underwear and he could really use a bath.

I told her that we like or dislike people because of the way they behave, not the way they dress, the color of their skin, the way they wear their hair, or what church they go or don't go to.

Penny likes Randy and has become his friend. (She's the only friend he has.)

I've considered writing Randy's mother a note telling her in a nice way that her son is being discriminated against because of his neglected appearance. I've also considered buying the boy some new clothes and underwear. Or should I just mind my own business? Maybe you have a suggestion on how to help Randy. -- OPEN FOR SUGGESTIONS

DEAR OPEN: Because you know nothing about Randy's home life (he may not even have a mother), express your concern to Randy's teacher. A child who comes to school dirty, ill-clad and so obviously neglected needs help. School authorities are in close touch with agencies that provide assistance to abused and neglected youngsters. A child in need is everybody's business. Thank you for caring.

DEAR ABBY: Our 21-year-old grandson, who has always been the apple of our eye, has just announced that he is the "proud" father of a baby boy born to his 20-year-old girlfriend. They are living together, he has a good job, but no mention has been made of any forthcoming marriage. They just say they are "engaged."

My wife and I have decided that until they get married we are not giving them a wedding present. We gave our granddaughter a generous cash wedding gift after her wedding, and we are prepared to do the same for this grandson, but not until -- regardless of how many illegitimate children he has!

Also, do you think a baby gift is in order for an illegitimate child? -- UNCERTAIN IN MINNESOTA

DEAR UNCERTAIN: Wedding gifts are for couples who are wedded -- not merely bedded. But do send a gift for the baby. And please don't label him "illegitimate." There are no illegitimate children -- only illegitimate parents.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I just returned from our first vacation without our kids. We've been married for 13 years, have four kids, and it was a real treat.

My wife's parents saw us off at the airport, and just as we were taking off, my mother-in-law asked, "Did you make a will in case something happens to both of you at the same time?" Then she laughed as though it was some kind of joke.

Of course we hadn't made a will. I realize there's always a one-in-a-million chance that our plane would crash and we'd both be killed, but her question stayed on my mind during our whole vacation, and I have to tell you, it sort of spoiled it for me.

Wasn't that a lousy thing for her to say? -- STILL UPSET

DEAR UPSET: Her timing was lousy. But the idea was a good one.

DEAR READERS: If you would like your letter considered for publication, please include your name, area code and telephone number.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: I'll be on vacation between Aug. 18 and Aug. 31. Don't panic -- I've selected some of my favorite letters from past years to fill the gap. I hope you enjoy them.

DEAR ABBY: Here's a silly question that has become not so silly recently: About 16 years ago, my wife and I had a large wedding. Recently, apparently for the first time, my mother viewed our wedding album. She took an intense dislike to her appearance in a picture of my father and her dancing. This is the only picture of my parents in the album, Abby, but my mother has requested that we remove it and give it to her to destroy. She says she would hate to have her descendants see that likeness of her, and she reminded us that she never gave her permission to use this picture in the first place.

Both my wife and I think it is an excellent picture of my parents, and had we thought otherwise we would not have included it in our album. Since in our view the sole objection to this picture is an irrational one, which exists only in my mother's mind, and to destroy it would mean there would be no picture of my parents in our wedding album, we have refused her request.

Are we wrong? Or does my mother have a right to this picture? Ironically, I am a guidance counselor. -- FAMILY PROBLEM

DEAR FAMILY: It is your wedding album and it will undoubtedly outlast your annoyed mother. If she continues to fuss, remove the picture from the album, have it copied, give the original to her, and later place the copy in your album.

DEAR ABBY: In the last five years or so, most couples whom I have married have asked that I omit that portion of the service that asks if anyone present objects to the marriage that is about to take place. However, before each ceremony, I ask the bride and groom separately if they are sure they want to go through with the wedding. A number of times one or the other has said "No," the ceremony has been canceled with the church filled and the reception waiting. -- THE REV. W. LEE TRUMAN, FIRST UNITED METHODIST CHURCH, WHITTIER, CALIF.

DEAR MR. TRUMAN: With the church filled and reception waiting! Although it beats going through with the marriage, one can imagine the humiliation, heartache and headaches of all parties concerned -- not to mention the outrageous expense.

Your experience makes a strong case for insisting that all couples have premarital counseling, which nearly all churches, synagogues and temples now offer.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is 36, attractive and well-liked. He owns his own business, which requires some traveling and night entertaining, but he's always come home at a reasonable hour, ready, willing and able to make love to me, so I had no reason to worry.

One day last week before sending his suit to the dry cleaners, I checked the pockets and found a paper cocktail napkin on which was scribbled "Margo" and a telephone number. Then I did something I'm not very proud of. I wrote down the number and kept it.

When my husband came home, I casually handed him the cocktail napkin, saying, "This was in your pocket; it might be important."

He took it very matter-of-factly and said, "She's a woman with a wholesale jewelry connection. I was going to surprise you with something for your anniversary next month."

Later that evening when I was alone, I called the number and Margo answered. I told her I was interested in buying some jewelry, and she said I must have the wrong Margo because she was an airline stewardess!

So far I haven't told my husband about that call, but it's been bothering me. Should I tell him, or let it go? -- NEEDS ADVICE

DEAR NEEDS: Tell him. But wait until after your anniversary. One "surprise" deserves another.

DEAR READERS: If you would like your letter considered for publication, please include your name, area code and telephone number.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: I'll be on vacation between Aug. 18 and Aug. 31. Don't panic -- I've selected some of my favorite letters from past years to fill the gap. I hope you enjoy them.

DEAR ABBY: When my husband and I were married 31 years ago, he gave me the smallest diamond I had ever seen. I was glad to get any diamond at the time, but as the years passed, my husband became more prosperous and I kept hoping he would replace it with a larger one. He never did.

On my 25th wedding anniversary, I gave him a fine piece of jewelry with money I had saved out of my household allowance. He gave me 25 roses.

Soon after, I lost the diamond out of my ring. My husband promised to buy me another one, but he didn't. When we passed a jewelry store, I'd stop to look in the window, but my husband would walk away.

Last year on our 30th anniversary, my husband handed me a tiny box. When I opened it, I found my old ring with the tiny diamond replaced. I tried to put it on my finger, but I had gained some weight and it wouldn't fit. I put it back in the box, where it's been ever since.

What should I do? Have my ring made larger and wear it?

My husband could well afford a bigger diamond, and I feel like a poor relative among my friends who have lovely jewelry. -- LIKES DIAMONDS (BIG)

DEAR LIKES: Face it. Your husband is not likely to buy you a bigger diamond unless you ask for one. If it's that important to you and he can afford it, ask him. Besides, diamonds are not only a girl's best friend, they're also a good investment.

DEAR ABBY: Please help settle a disagreement we are having in our family. My grandson sent out his high school graduation announcements before he knew that he didn't have enough credits to graduate.

He received many lovely graduation gifts, including some nice checks from relatives. I say all the gifts (and of course the checks) should be returned because he didn't really graduate. His mother (my daughter) insists that he is entitled to keep the gifts because he completed 12 years of schooling.

Do you think my daughter is right, and I should butt out? -- ILLINOIS GRANNY

DEAR GRANNY: Your grandson should keep the gifts and send thank-you notes explaining that he did not graduate with his class, but he plans to make up the deficient credits and earn his diploma eventually -- if indeed he intends to do so. Otherwise, he should return the gifts.

DEAR ABBY: Yesterday my boss showed me a picture of an elegant sofa in a current magazine, and said if I could guess the price of it within $200 he would give me the $200. (He had seen this sofa in a Beverly Hills store.)

When I guessed $2,800, he looked as though he'd been shot. He said the price of the sofa was $3,000, but he refused to give me the $200, saying that my guess was just $1 low!

According to my calculation, $2,800 is within $200 of $3,000. Please answer in your column. If I am wrong, I will throw in the towel and be a good sport.

I have been my boss's faithful Girl Friday for four years. Please don't mention his name or mine. -- LAKEWOOD, CALIF.

DEAR LAKEWOOD: I don't know how your boss figures, but I figure he owes you $200.

(P.S. And he should throw in a $50 bonus for protecting his identity.)

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law and her husband celebrated their 49th wedding anniversary last August. Because of my sister-in-law's poor health, her daughter is planning a party to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary next month, which is premature by nearly a whole year.

I am reluctant to accept the invitation because I don't think it's proper to celebrate an occasion that has not yet occurred.

I grew up under the old moral code and still believe in it. Right or wrong? -- PUZZLED IN ELMHURST, ILL.

DEAR PUZZLED: Wrong! I think it's more "moral" to be kind and prematurely generous than to go by the book and risk being too late.

DEAR READERS: If you would like your letter considered for publication, please include your name, area code and telephone number.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)