DEAR READERS: I'll be on vacation between Aug. 18 and Aug. 31. Don't panic -- I've selected some of my favorite letters from past years to fill the gap. I hope you enjoy them.

DEAR ABBY: We have an uncle who made a strange request some time ago. He asked us (his nieces) to be his pallbearers when he dies.

He is very sick now and has repeated that request. My father disapproves because he never heard of female pallbearers. I for one would like to be a pallbearer at my uncle's funeral because he is my favorite uncle. My cousins also would like to serve as pallbearers. Have you ever heard of such a thing? And even if you haven't, do you see anything wrong with it? -- LOUISVILLE, KY.

DEAR LOUISVILLE: I have indeed heard of it, and there's no reason why your uncle's wishes should not be carried out when he is.

DEAR ABBY: My son, Allen, who is 18, has been going with Anna Marie for three years. She's also 18. They have been engaged since last Christmas, but no wedding date has been set. Allen lives at home and just started working at a bank. Anna Marie works there too. This bank has a great benefit package, which includes a $50,000 life insurance policy. Allen told me he made Anna Marie his beneficiary. I was very hurt. I told him that after they are married, she should be the beneficiary, but until then, if, God forbid, something should happen to him, I should be the beneficiary of his policy.

He said no; if something should happen to him tomorrow, he'd want his girlfriend to collect on his policy. What is your opinion? -- ALLEN'S MOTHER

DEAR MOTHER: I'm with you. Until Allen and Anna Marie are married (unless she's pregnant), Allen's beneficiary should be his mother.

DEAR ABBY: I have been told by friends that it is possible to get pregnant through your jeans. I can't believe this!

I am a virgin, just turned 15, and know I am going to be more involved with guys now that I'm dating. If this is possible, I am scared to death to get very close to any guy. I need to know as soon as possible.

I hope you won't think this is a dumb question. -- WORRIED IN EL PASO

DEAR WORRIED: It is not a dumb question. It's a very intelligent one. A lot of kids get aroused just by lying close to each other while kissing. Then they just naturally proceed to the next step, which is petting.

It's not possible to get pregnant through one's jeans, but sometimes kids remove some of their clothing because it's "in the way," or they burrow underneath it to explore each other's bodies with their hands. This is known as heavy petting, or "doing everything else but."

The technical (and legal) definition of sexual intercourse is "penetration." (The male's sex organ must penetrate the female's.) However, as impossible as it may sound, in the medical literature can be found cases where there has been no penetration -- the girl remained a virgin, but after engaging in heavy petting, she found herself pregnant.

I have included this information in my booklet for teens.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: I'll be on vacation between Aug. 18 and Aug. 31. Don't panic -- I've selected some of my favorite letters from past years to fill the gap. I hope you enjoy them.

DEAR ABBY: A young woman who attends our church brings a large bag containing some kind of needlework, and all during the church service she either knits, crochets or does needlepoint.

I find this very distracting, and from the looks cast her way from others sitting near her, they too are annoyed.

I don't have the nerve to say something to her, and apparently neither has anyone else. She sits toward the back, so the minister can't see what she's doing. It's irritating to see her knitting away during the sermon. Maybe if you mention it in your column, she'll stop. -- DISGUSTED IN YAKIMA, WASH.

DEAR DISGUSTED: Here's the needle. I hope she gets the point.

DEAR ABBY: I recently hired a 35-year-old housekeeper. She's neat, clean, quiet and competent, and I like her very much. There is only one problem: She answers my telephone, "Praise the Lord!"

I don't have the nerve to ask her to please answer the telephone with "Mrs. So-and-So's residence." Even a simple "Hello" would satisfy me.

Any suggestions? If you use this letter in your column, she might get the message. Thank you. (P.S. I am all for praising the Lord, Abby, but I'm afraid someone might think he's dialed a wrong number and got a church or a rescue mission by mistake.) -- PORTOLA VALLEY

DEAR VALLEY: It's your home, so don't hesitate to instruct your housekeeper to answer your phone with the conventional "Mrs. So-and-So's residence."

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 60-year-old, attractive, marriage-minded widow who's been dating a 65-year-old, well-to-do, fun-loving widower. He recently moved into my building, and every unattached woman in the building is after him.

He propositioned me once in a cute way, saying, "What's another slice off a loaf of bread that's already been cut?" I made it plain that I wasn't interested in any kind of relationship that didn't include marriage. He insists that marriage is not in his plans.

Now he has a new approach. He told me that his urologist told him that men who are not sexually active are 100 times more susceptible to cancer of the prostate than men who have sex regularly. Is this true, or do you think he's just trying to get me into bed? -- LAUDERDALE LIBRA

DEAR LIBRA: It's not true. He's looking for a treat as well as a treatment. Tell him you're sorry, but you can't practice medicine without a license -- a marriage license, that is.

DEAR ABBY: Peace and all good things! I am a nun writing in desperation, hoping that you have a charitable solution to a most annoying problem.

I live in a small religious community with other sisters whom I dearly love. It seems that whenever I am trying to eat a quick lunch, a certain sister comes over with her crossword puzzle and asks, "What was the name of Seth's son?" Or, "What was Noah's boat called?"

Dear Abby, have you any ideas?

Deliver me from crossword puzzles, now and forever. Amen! -- IMPATIENT SISTER

DEAR SISTER: Practice the virtue of patience, pray for forbearance and utter ye not a cross word about the puzzle.

DEAR READERS: If you would like your letter considered for publication, please include our name, area code and telephone number.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: I'll be on vacation between Aug. 18 and Aug. 31. Don't panic -- I've selected some of my favorite letters from past years to fill the gap. I hope you enjoy them.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married (in name only) for five years. I was a lonely divorcee (age 47) and John was a well-to-do widower (60) when we were married.

The first night we were married I found out he was impotent. I know it's not his fault, but he should have told me. (He later said he was afraid he'd lose me.)

We had everything a happily married couple could want -- a lovely home, friends, trips. I can't say I wasn't living a good life, although I missed the physical side of marriage some.

Now I have met a wonderful man. He is my age (52), and it was skyrockets and Roman candles the first time we were alone together. We're in love and want to get married, but I hate to hurt John.

Would it be wrong to leave John and grab what little happiness is left in life? -- IN LOVE

DEAR IN LOVE: If you want to justify leaving John, the fact that he failed to tell you about his impotence is sufficient. (That's probably grounds for an annulment.) Trying to keep an affair a secret will be like trying to smuggle dawn past a rooster. You'd better tell John before he tells you.

DEAR ABBY: Everybody starts out by saying they have a problem. And that's the way I am starting out, but don't throw this away yet because I get better as I go along. (Ha ha!)

I am a married man with three kids, 9, 12 and 13. I always wanted to be a writer but I can't seem to break into the field. I bet I sent 100 short stories to different magazines, but I never heard back from nobody. A person would like to be told what is wrong with their stuff, wouldn't you think?

You must know a lot of big shots in the publishing business, Abby. Can't you put in a good word for me? I don't expect you to say I am any good unless you see some of my stuff, so I am sending you 26 stories I've wrote. If you are too busy to write and tell me what you think of them, you can call me up. I'm sending you my phone number, and if the line is busy, keep calling because my kids are on the phone a lot. In the meantime, have you got any suggestions? -- LOVES TO WRITE

DEAR LOVES: Please don't send me anything, because my lawyer advises against reading unpublished material. And in the meantime, don't help your kids with their English.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old, and my parents force me to go to church every Sunday.

I hate going to church because I see people there who I know are drunkards, gossips, liars and cheats, and they are right there every Sunday saying their prayers and singing the hymns. I don't have any respect for hypocrites, and our church is full of them, my own parents included.

I am only 13, so maybe my opinion doesn't count, but I don't see any sense in my going to church with a bunch of hypocrites. -- ONLY A BOY

DEAR ONLY: Christ became a man at 13, and you are not too young to become a man either. One goes to church to learn about the Bible and the word of the Lord, although God dwells in one's heart, and it's not necessary to "go" to church to communicate with him.

A church is not a museum for saints; it's a hospital for sinners. So "judge not, lest ye be judged," young man.

DEAR READERS: If you would like your letter considered for publication, please include your name, area code and telephone number.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)