DEAR READERS: I'll be on vacation between Aug. 18 and Aug. 31. Don't panic -- I've selected some of my favorite letters from past years to fill the gap. I hope you enjoy them.

DEAR ABBY: A young woman who attends our church brings a large bag containing some kind of needlework, and all during the church service she either knits, crochets or does needlepoint.

I find this very distracting, and from the looks cast her way from others sitting near her, they too are annoyed.

I don't have the nerve to say something to her, and apparently neither has anyone else. She sits toward the back, so the minister can't see what she's doing. It's irritating to see her knitting away during the sermon. Maybe if you mention it in your column, she'll stop. -- DISGUSTED IN YAKIMA, WASH.

DEAR DISGUSTED: Here's the needle. I hope she gets the point.

DEAR ABBY: I recently hired a 35-year-old housekeeper. She's neat, clean, quiet and competent, and I like her very much. There is only one problem: She answers my telephone, "Praise the Lord!"

I don't have the nerve to ask her to please answer the telephone with "Mrs. So-and-So's residence." Even a simple "Hello" would satisfy me.

Any suggestions? If you use this letter in your column, she might get the message. Thank you. (P.S. I am all for praising the Lord, Abby, but I'm afraid someone might think he's dialed a wrong number and got a church or a rescue mission by mistake.) -- PORTOLA VALLEY

DEAR VALLEY: It's your home, so don't hesitate to instruct your housekeeper to answer your phone with the conventional "Mrs. So-and-So's residence."

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 60-year-old, attractive, marriage-minded widow who's been dating a 65-year-old, well-to-do, fun-loving widower. He recently moved into my building, and every unattached woman in the building is after him.

He propositioned me once in a cute way, saying, "What's another slice off a loaf of bread that's already been cut?" I made it plain that I wasn't interested in any kind of relationship that didn't include marriage. He insists that marriage is not in his plans.

Now he has a new approach. He told me that his urologist told him that men who are not sexually active are 100 times more susceptible to cancer of the prostate than men who have sex regularly. Is this true, or do you think he's just trying to get me into bed? -- LAUDERDALE LIBRA

DEAR LIBRA: It's not true. He's looking for a treat as well as a treatment. Tell him you're sorry, but you can't practice medicine without a license -- a marriage license, that is.

DEAR ABBY: Peace and all good things! I am a nun writing in desperation, hoping that you have a charitable solution to a most annoying problem.

I live in a small religious community with other sisters whom I dearly love. It seems that whenever I am trying to eat a quick lunch, a certain sister comes over with her crossword puzzle and asks, "What was the name of Seth's son?" Or, "What was Noah's boat called?"

Dear Abby, have you any ideas?

Deliver me from crossword puzzles, now and forever. Amen! -- IMPATIENT SISTER

DEAR SISTER: Practice the virtue of patience, pray for forbearance and utter ye not a cross word about the puzzle.

DEAR READERS: If you would like your letter considered for publication, please include our name, area code and telephone number.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: I'll be on vacation between Aug. 18 and Aug. 31. Don't panic -- I've selected some of my favorite letters from past years to fill the gap. I hope you enjoy them.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married (in name only) for five years. I was a lonely divorcee (age 47) and John was a well-to-do widower (60) when we were married.

The first night we were married I found out he was impotent. I know it's not his fault, but he should have told me. (He later said he was afraid he'd lose me.)

We had everything a happily married couple could want -- a lovely home, friends, trips. I can't say I wasn't living a good life, although I missed the physical side of marriage some.

Now I have met a wonderful man. He is my age (52), and it was skyrockets and Roman candles the first time we were alone together. We're in love and want to get married, but I hate to hurt John.

Would it be wrong to leave John and grab what little happiness is left in life? -- IN LOVE

DEAR IN LOVE: If you want to justify leaving John, the fact that he failed to tell you about his impotence is sufficient. (That's probably grounds for an annulment.) Trying to keep an affair a secret will be like trying to smuggle dawn past a rooster. You'd better tell John before he tells you.

DEAR ABBY: Everybody starts out by saying they have a problem. And that's the way I am starting out, but don't throw this away yet because I get better as I go along. (Ha ha!)

I am a married man with three kids, 9, 12 and 13. I always wanted to be a writer but I can't seem to break into the field. I bet I sent 100 short stories to different magazines, but I never heard back from nobody. A person would like to be told what is wrong with their stuff, wouldn't you think?

You must know a lot of big shots in the publishing business, Abby. Can't you put in a good word for me? I don't expect you to say I am any good unless you see some of my stuff, so I am sending you 26 stories I've wrote. If you are too busy to write and tell me what you think of them, you can call me up. I'm sending you my phone number, and if the line is busy, keep calling because my kids are on the phone a lot. In the meantime, have you got any suggestions? -- LOVES TO WRITE

DEAR LOVES: Please don't send me anything, because my lawyer advises against reading unpublished material. And in the meantime, don't help your kids with their English.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old, and my parents force me to go to church every Sunday.

I hate going to church because I see people there who I know are drunkards, gossips, liars and cheats, and they are right there every Sunday saying their prayers and singing the hymns. I don't have any respect for hypocrites, and our church is full of them, my own parents included.

I am only 13, so maybe my opinion doesn't count, but I don't see any sense in my going to church with a bunch of hypocrites. -- ONLY A BOY

DEAR ONLY: Christ became a man at 13, and you are not too young to become a man either. One goes to church to learn about the Bible and the word of the Lord, although God dwells in one's heart, and it's not necessary to "go" to church to communicate with him.

A church is not a museum for saints; it's a hospital for sinners. So "judge not, lest ye be judged," young man.

DEAR READERS: If you would like your letter considered for publication, please include your name, area code and telephone number.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: I'll be on vacation between Aug. 18 and Aug. 31. Don't panic -- I've selected some of my favorite letters from past years to fill the gap. I hope you enjoy them.

DEAR ABBY: I used to own my own business and usually kept hours from 8 a.m. to 7 p.m., six days a week. When I started to talk about retiring, my wife said, "When you retire, you'd better find somewhere to go because I don't want you hanging around the house, under my feet all day!"

I thought she was kidding. But after I sold my business and actually retired, I found out she wasn't kidding.

So, Dear Abby, where do you suggest I go? I'm reasonably intelligent and in good health. -- TIME ON MY HANDS

DEAR TIME: You rattled the right cage! In light of the current budget cutbacks in programs for education and for the handicapped and senior citizens, volunteers are badly needed.

Contact your area volunteer center. You will be amazed and delighted at the variety of activities that are available to you. Or look in the Yellow Pages under "Social Service and Welfare Organizations." Offer your services. Some organization will thank you, and you'll thank me. (And so will your wife.)

DEAR ABBY: How do I handle a habitual eavesdropper who sits at the desk next to me in an office where we are both employed? Whenever she sees me talking on the telephone, or if someone comes to my desk to talk to me, Ms. Eavesdropper turns off her typewriter and listens to what I'm saying.

Eavesdropping is one thing, but she even joins in on the conversation and asks questions about whatever it is we're discussing.

I don't want to start a fight because I have to see her every day, but I would like to put an end to this. Any suggestions? -- IRRITATED AND FRUSTRATED

DEAR IRRITATED: Anything less than a direct confrontation would be ineffective in dealing with one so obviously insensitive. Simply tell Ms. Eavesdropper that it's not nice to shut off her typewriter and listen in on other people's conversations. If you tell her in a friendly, helpful way, you'll probably get results. If you keep your frustration bottled up and your irritation builds, you'll probably get ulcers.

DEAR ABBY: Please, please put something in your column about the futility of sneaking around to date married men! My beautiful 24-year-old daughter is having an affair with a married man, and nothing I say can stop her. He's twice her age and gives no hope of leaving his wife. He works in our small town and goes home to his wife on his days off, but my daughter sees him when she can.

I am afraid the whole town (including his wife) will find out about it, and I don't want to see my daughter dragged through a divorce court, but she won't listen to me. Maybe she will listen to you. -- NO TOWN, PLEASE

DEAR NO TOWN: Love is not only blind, it's deaf as well. The best case against going with a married man is not the futility of it -- it's finally getting him. Then what do you have? A husband who cheats on his wife. Some bargain!

DEAR ABBY: The question has arisen in some of our singles' coffee "get-togethers," who should pay for the baby sitter? I am a single guy dating a divorcee with two children. When I ask her out, should I pay the sitter? Or should she? -- V. IN FARMINGTON, N.M.

DEAR V.: Single women (divorced or widowed) are usually living on a tight budget, especially with small children to raise, so I would suggest that you offer to pay the sitter. If the woman feels that it is either unnecessary or inappropriate, she will object, in which case you can back off.

DEAR READERS: If you would like your letter considered for publication, please include your name, area code and telephone number.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)