DEAR READERS: I'll be on vacation between Aug. 18 and Aug. 31. Don't panic -- I've selected some of my favorite letters from past years to fill the gap. I hope you enjoy them.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married (in name only) for five years. I was a lonely divorcee (age 47) and John was a well-to-do widower (60) when we were married.

The first night we were married I found out he was impotent. I know it's not his fault, but he should have told me. (He later said he was afraid he'd lose me.)

We had everything a happily married couple could want -- a lovely home, friends, trips. I can't say I wasn't living a good life, although I missed the physical side of marriage some.

Now I have met a wonderful man. He is my age (52), and it was skyrockets and Roman candles the first time we were alone together. We're in love and want to get married, but I hate to hurt John.

Would it be wrong to leave John and grab what little happiness is left in life? -- IN LOVE

DEAR IN LOVE: If you want to justify leaving John, the fact that he failed to tell you about his impotence is sufficient. (That's probably grounds for an annulment.) Trying to keep an affair a secret will be like trying to smuggle dawn past a rooster. You'd better tell John before he tells you.

DEAR ABBY: Everybody starts out by saying they have a problem. And that's the way I am starting out, but don't throw this away yet because I get better as I go along. (Ha ha!)

I am a married man with three kids, 9, 12 and 13. I always wanted to be a writer but I can't seem to break into the field. I bet I sent 100 short stories to different magazines, but I never heard back from nobody. A person would like to be told what is wrong with their stuff, wouldn't you think?

You must know a lot of big shots in the publishing business, Abby. Can't you put in a good word for me? I don't expect you to say I am any good unless you see some of my stuff, so I am sending you 26 stories I've wrote. If you are too busy to write and tell me what you think of them, you can call me up. I'm sending you my phone number, and if the line is busy, keep calling because my kids are on the phone a lot. In the meantime, have you got any suggestions? -- LOVES TO WRITE

DEAR LOVES: Please don't send me anything, because my lawyer advises against reading unpublished material. And in the meantime, don't help your kids with their English.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old, and my parents force me to go to church every Sunday.

I hate going to church because I see people there who I know are drunkards, gossips, liars and cheats, and they are right there every Sunday saying their prayers and singing the hymns. I don't have any respect for hypocrites, and our church is full of them, my own parents included.

I am only 13, so maybe my opinion doesn't count, but I don't see any sense in my going to church with a bunch of hypocrites. -- ONLY A BOY

DEAR ONLY: Christ became a man at 13, and you are not too young to become a man either. One goes to church to learn about the Bible and the word of the Lord, although God dwells in one's heart, and it's not necessary to "go" to church to communicate with him.

A church is not a museum for saints; it's a hospital for sinners. So "judge not, lest ye be judged," young man.

DEAR READERS: If you would like your letter considered for publication, please include your name, area code and telephone number.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: I'll be on vacation between Aug. 18 and Aug. 31. Don't panic -- I've selected some of my favorite letters from past years to fill the gap. I hope you enjoy them.

DEAR ABBY: I used to own my own business and usually kept hours from 8 a.m. to 7 p.m., six days a week. When I started to talk about retiring, my wife said, "When you retire, you'd better find somewhere to go because I don't want you hanging around the house, under my feet all day!"

I thought she was kidding. But after I sold my business and actually retired, I found out she wasn't kidding.

So, Dear Abby, where do you suggest I go? I'm reasonably intelligent and in good health. -- TIME ON MY HANDS

DEAR TIME: You rattled the right cage! In light of the current budget cutbacks in programs for education and for the handicapped and senior citizens, volunteers are badly needed.

Contact your area volunteer center. You will be amazed and delighted at the variety of activities that are available to you. Or look in the Yellow Pages under "Social Service and Welfare Organizations." Offer your services. Some organization will thank you, and you'll thank me. (And so will your wife.)

DEAR ABBY: How do I handle a habitual eavesdropper who sits at the desk next to me in an office where we are both employed? Whenever she sees me talking on the telephone, or if someone comes to my desk to talk to me, Ms. Eavesdropper turns off her typewriter and listens to what I'm saying.

Eavesdropping is one thing, but she even joins in on the conversation and asks questions about whatever it is we're discussing.

I don't want to start a fight because I have to see her every day, but I would like to put an end to this. Any suggestions? -- IRRITATED AND FRUSTRATED

DEAR IRRITATED: Anything less than a direct confrontation would be ineffective in dealing with one so obviously insensitive. Simply tell Ms. Eavesdropper that it's not nice to shut off her typewriter and listen in on other people's conversations. If you tell her in a friendly, helpful way, you'll probably get results. If you keep your frustration bottled up and your irritation builds, you'll probably get ulcers.

DEAR ABBY: Please, please put something in your column about the futility of sneaking around to date married men! My beautiful 24-year-old daughter is having an affair with a married man, and nothing I say can stop her. He's twice her age and gives no hope of leaving his wife. He works in our small town and goes home to his wife on his days off, but my daughter sees him when she can.

I am afraid the whole town (including his wife) will find out about it, and I don't want to see my daughter dragged through a divorce court, but she won't listen to me. Maybe she will listen to you. -- NO TOWN, PLEASE

DEAR NO TOWN: Love is not only blind, it's deaf as well. The best case against going with a married man is not the futility of it -- it's finally getting him. Then what do you have? A husband who cheats on his wife. Some bargain!

DEAR ABBY: The question has arisen in some of our singles' coffee "get-togethers," who should pay for the baby sitter? I am a single guy dating a divorcee with two children. When I ask her out, should I pay the sitter? Or should she? -- V. IN FARMINGTON, N.M.

DEAR V.: Single women (divorced or widowed) are usually living on a tight budget, especially with small children to raise, so I would suggest that you offer to pay the sitter. If the woman feels that it is either unnecessary or inappropriate, she will object, in which case you can back off.

DEAR READERS: If you would like your letter considered for publication, please include your name, area code and telephone number.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: I'll be on vacation between Aug. 18 and Aug. 31. Don't panic -- I've selected some of my favorite letters from past years to fill the gap. I hope you enjoy them.

DEAR ABBY: I don't know if you remember me or not. I wrote to you a year ago about my weight problem, and you gave me some really good advice. I went to Overeaters Anonymous. So far I've lost 55 pounds, and I'm still losing. But now I have another problem.

Since I've got a pretty good figure, guys have started noticing me, and Abby, I can't handle it. I'm 18 and never dated before because I was such a mess, but with guys paying attention to me all of a sudden, I'm a wreck! I hated being fat and ignored, but at least I wasn't hassled by dudes trying to get me into bed. All the guys I know are after only one thing.

My girlfriends say if I don't put out on the first date, I shouldn't expect a second date. Please help me. -- HASSLED IN ST. PAUL

DEAR HASSLED: Your girlfriends are wrong. Hang on to your high standards and say goodbye to the dudes who try to rush you into bed. There's something worse than being ignored -- it's too much attention from guys who are after only one thing.

DEAR ABBY: "No Names" wrote, "My fiancee and I fight and argue every time we see each other, but whenever I suggest calling off our Christmas wedding, she cries and carries on, saying she'll be humiliated before her friends."

You said, "Call it off anyway!" You are absolutely right. I know. I learned the hard way.

My fiance and I were both 21. We fought constantly. Several times he suggested we call off the wedding, or at least postpone it for a while, but I insisted on going through with it because I didn't want to face the embarrassment of having to tell people that I wasn't getting married after all.

Today, after two years of a miserable marriage, I am five months pregnant and in the process of getting a divorce. Obviously, we never should have gone through with the marriage in the first place. I hope "No Names" takes your advice. -- TOLD YOU SO IN DALLAS

DEAR TOLD YOU: Thanks for the reaffirmation. A broken engagement is usually embarrassing, sometimes humiliating and always painful. It can also be costly. But it's not nearly as painful and costly as divorce -- especially if there are children to consider.

DEAR ABBY: Concerning inappropriate questions asked of a widow at the funeral of her husband, I think mine tops them all:

At the funeral of my 67-year-old father, my poor grieving mother was approached by an officer of the burial society to which my parents belonged, and instead of offering her solace, he asked, "Would you please give me a deposit on the grave next to your husband so I can reserve it for you?" -- VIVIAN OF BAYSIDE HILLS, N.Y.

DEAR VIVIAN: Your story takes the prize. In spades.

DEAR ABBY: I am expecting a baby in about three months and have been very careful not to smoke, drink or even consume caffeine during my pregnancy. I hope to continue to give our baby the most healthful environment possible after he (or she) is born.

The problem is my mother-in-law. She is a heavy smoker, and I would prefer that she not subject our baby to her secondhand smoke. Studies have confirmed the theory that babies who have been exposed to secondhand smoke have a higher incidence of respiratory illness.

My mother-in-law smokes one cigarette after another and she's anything but gracious when she's told her smoke is bothersome or irritating.

After our baby comes, my husband and I intend to ask her to please step outside if she wants to smoke. But what if it's raining or dark outside? -- MRS. S., PARKDALE, ORE.

DEAR MRS. S.: If it's raining, give her an umbrella. And if it's dark, give her a flashlight.

DEAR READERS: If you would like your letter considered for publication, please include your name, area code and telephone number.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)