life

No Harm in Warm Welcome for Old Summer Sweetheart

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 19th, 1996 | Letter 1 of 6

DEAR READERS: I'll be on vacation between Aug. 18 and Aug. 31. Don't panic -- I've selected some of my favorite letters from past years to fill the gap. I hope you enjoy them.

life

Dear Abby for August 19, 1996

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 19th, 1996 | Letter 2 of 6

DEAR ABBY: Brian (not his real name) and I met when we were 15 and 14. We were "sweet" on each other throughout the summer, but went our separate ways later in the fall. We kept in touch for a while, but eventually we lost all contact. That was 12 years ago. I am 26 now, graduated from college, married and "Mama" to two young sons.

In our community newspaper, I read that Brian and his wife have moved into our neighborhood. Considering that we live in a large city, New Orleans, I was quite astonished that someone I knew years ago would end up in our neighborhood.

My first impulse was to get in touch with Brian and rejoice at renewing an old friendship; then I wondered if it would be too forward and possibly be looked upon as improper by his wife. I'd like to be hospitable, but don't want my actions to be misinterpreted. What would you do? -- DIANA

DEAR DIANA: Since you now live in the same neighborhood, give it a little more time -- you may run into each other. If you don't, I see no harm in writing a note to him and his wife welcoming them to the neighborhood and inviting them to call you and your husband.

After all, you were only "sweet" on each other for one summer when you were a couple of kids.

life

Dear Abby for August 19, 1996

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 19th, 1996 | Letter 3 of 6

DEAR ABBY: While our 39-year-old daughter is no raving beauty, she is better looking than most of the girls whose pictures you see in bridal veils in the Sunday papers. She is very intelligent and has lots of dates, and I know she has turned down several good marriage proposals.

When I ask her what she is waiting for, she says, "Don't rush me, Mom."

Is there any way I can get her to hurry up and think seriously of marrying and settling down? I am 55 years old and would like to see a few grandchildren before I leave this earth. -- IMPATIENT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR IMPATIENT: Many moms who have rushed their daughters into marriage see more of their grandchildren than they expected to -- they're raising them because the marriage didn't work out. If you're eager to see things hatch, raise chickens.

life

Dear Abby for August 19, 1996

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 19th, 1996 | Letter 4 of 6

DEAR ABBY: I am a responsible 22-year-old woman living with my parents. I am going away for a month's vacation, and my problem is my parents and my guinea pigs. My parents have told me that the minute I am out the door they are getting rid of my guinea pigs.

I've told them that they won't have to do one thing because I've already made arrangements with a girlfriend to come by every day to feed them and clean their cages.

Abby, they still insist that the guinea pigs are going as soon as I leave. I have explained that the guinea pigs are my pets and not their property to do with as they please. Also, I said that I think I am old enough to take care of my affairs, but it is obvious that they have no respect for me or my wishes.

If they get rid of my guinea pigs while I'm gone, I will never forgive them. Tell me what you think should be done, and who is right. -- NO RESPECT

DEAR NO RESPECT: "Miss Piggy's Guide to Life" might be helpful here. I think you're right, but it's your parents' home and their wishes will prevail. If you want to be absolutely certain that you don't lose your pets, ask your girlfriend if she will look after them at her place. If that's not possible, find some other temporary home for your guinea pigs.

life

Dear Abby for August 19, 1996

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 19th, 1996 | Letter 5 of 6

DEAR READERS: If you would like your letter considered for publication, please include your name, area code and telephone number.

life

Dear Abby for August 19, 1996

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 19th, 1996 | Letter 6 of 6

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

life

Women Who Don't Drive Shouldn't Get Free Ride

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 18th, 1996 | Letter 1 of 5

DEAR READERS: I'll be on vacation between Aug. 18 and Aug. 31. Don't panic -- I've selected some of my favorite letters from past years to fill the gap. I hope you enjoy them!

life

Dear Abby for August 18, 1996

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 18th, 1996 | Letter 2 of 5

DEAR ABBY: You seem willing to let readers air their gripes, so here I am with mine: It's women who get free taxi service because they don't drive. "Mrs. I-Don't-Drive" has been bumming rides for years. All her friends are conditioned to pick her up and take her home, and they don't think a thing of it.

When you ask how come they don't drive, they'll tell you they don't have the patience, or the coordination, or the nerve to drive a car. Or else they say they panic in traffic, or that freeways freak them out.

It's my theory that these women never bothered to learn because it was easier to bum rides. And cheaper, too.

Abby, there are driving schools galore for anyone who wants to learn. And there's no age limit, either. My neighbor learned how to drive at 62! I've had it with these lazy freeloaders. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I feel better now. -- EDITH

DEAR EDITH: Glad you feel better, but for my part, anyone who panics in traffic, is freaked out by freeways and lacks the patience, courage or coordination to drive would do the rest of society a favor by not driving.

life

Dear Abby for August 18, 1996

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 18th, 1996 | Letter 3 of 5

DEAR ABBY: After 10 years of marriage, my husband decided he wanted out. No reason. He just wanted out. We are both 32. I still love him very much and didn't want him to leave, but I had no choice, so I accepted his decision with a heavy heart.

We have been apart for nearly a year, and now that I am beginning to adjust to the separation, he decides that he "misses being married." He says he wants to come back for six weeks, then he will decide whether he wants to stay with me forever or stay away forever.

What do you think? -- WONDERING

DEAR WONDERING: Why should he dictate the terms of a possible reconciliation? Don't take him back unless you find out what went wrong with your marriage in the first place. Before allowing him to come back, see a family counselor, and insist that he get counseling, too. It's available through your Family Service Association. (It's in the phone book.) The organization offers excellent, confidential help, and fees are based on the ability to pay.

life

Dear Abby for August 18, 1996

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 18th, 1996 | Letter 4 of 5

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I decided to write to you about a disagreement we're having. My sister is going to the Cleveland Clinic next week for surgery. Her home is in Canada, but the clinic is only 65 miles from our home. I want to be near my sister, so I plan to stay at a motel near the clinic. My sister's husband plans to stay at the same motel, so to cut expenses we thought we'd share a room with twin beds.

I have known this brother-in-law for 13 years and we are very good friends. There is absolutely no physical attraction between us, never was, and never will be.

My husband is having a king-sized fit! He says he trusts me, and he trusts my brother-in-law, but he doesn't want us sharing a room. My sister doesn't see anything wrong with it.

What do you think? Hurry your answer. -- PLAIN DEALER READER

DEAR READER: I don't see anything wrong with it either, but unless your husband is comfortable with that arrangement, don't double up with your brother-in-law. It could be a very expensive way to save money.

life

Dear Abby for August 18, 1996

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 18th, 1996 | Letter 5 of 5

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

life

Compatibility Cannot Carry Woman's Freeloading Lover

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 17th, 1996 | Letter 1 of 5

DEAR ABBY: Please be brutally frank with me. I am a 60-year-old retired, divorced woman living on a fixed income. My 54-year-old live-in lover has not worked during the three years we have been together. He says he is married in name only.

He owns a home; however, we are living in my house. I pay his mortgage, utilities, residence and auto upkeep. I also pay for food, clothing, medical expenses and his 1,000-mile trips to visit his children, as well as his trips to Europe to visit his parents.

He has (on three occasions) verbally degraded me and I fear there may be more coming.

We had discussed marriage, but now he says he can't divorce his wife because she has had two mild stokes and his 25-year-old daughter (now divorced) would blame him if her mother were to die from the stress of a divorce. I say this is hokum!

I am very uneasy about any future marriage with this man, and I am also fed up with supporting him.

The problem is that we are totally compatible otherwise. This is very important since it is hard to find someone else who shares my interests. I see no changes in the future, and I can't afford to support him forever; it is coming out of my inheritance.

What advice do you have for me? Sign me ... FLORIDA FOOL

DEAR FLORIDA FOOL: Since you asked me to be brutally frank with you, I will. In spite of the fact that you believe you and this man are compatible, he is an obvious freeloader. Say goodbye to him; leopards don't change their spots. You not only deserve better, you could hardly do worse.

life

Dear Abby for August 17, 1996

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 17th, 1996 | Letter 2 of 5

DEAR ABBY: You told "Longtime Reader in Norristown, Pa." to see a jeweler for help in removing his wedding ring, which had grown tight over the many years of his marriage (he is now a widower).

Abby, it's not necessary to cut a ring off. My husband was an embalmer for more than 50 years, and he removed many a ring from those who had passed on. He also taught embalming at a local trade school and shared this technique with his students:

Thread one end of a piece of string under the ring and wrap the other, longer end tight around the finger. Then begin unwrapping from the short end of the string. As you unwrap it, the ring will come off! This works when soap and other lubricants have failed, and there's no danger of cutting the finger.

I am 90 years old, and I have known this trick for a long time. If you publish my letter, your readers can try it if they need to, and jewelers can use it as well. -- MAMIE GERACI, METAIRIE, LA.

DEAR MAMIE: It works beautifully! Thanks for a practical solution that was news to me (and I'll bet to many of my readers).

life

Dear Abby for August 17, 1996

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 17th, 1996 | Letter 3 of 5

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 20 years has been suffering from a terrible case of scabies. His doctor isn't talking, and I heard that it can be caught only by sexual contact.

I don't have it. Can it be caught in other ways? I hate to be suspicious, but I'm worried. Abby, can you please check and find out if scabies can be caught from a toilet seat? I'm too embarrassed to ask my doctor (or his) if this is a venereal disease. -- WORRIED IN DENVER

DEAR WORRIED: You have been misinformed. Scabies is not a venereal disease. It is a contagious itch that is caused by parasitic mites. Please lose no time in seeing your physician -- both you and your husband must be treated, and family and friends who visit during the infestation may also need treatment.

life

Dear Abby for August 17, 1996

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 17th, 1996 | Letter 4 of 5

DEAR READERS: If you would like your letter published, please include your name, area code and telephone number.

life

Dear Abby for August 17, 1996

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 17th, 1996 | Letter 5 of 5

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

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