DEAR ABBY: I am so sick of the argument that dispensing condoms in school encourages sex that I could scream. What are people thinking these days? I understand that parents and adults don't like the thought of fifth-graders (or younger or older, for that matter) having sex, but it's a fact that some do.

Adolescents and teens have sex for various reasons. Some are responsible and use condoms. But often they act irresponsibly and do not. Many are afraid or embarrassed to ask their parents for them.

As parents, adults and educators, we have a responsibility to provide young people with the necessary tools for survival in this world. I fail to see why anyone, especially our young, should be at risk of death because of a mistake in judgment.

Abby, you have been 100 percent correct in the past when you said that if children are at risk of dying, we as informed adults and parents have a moral obligation to educate children about safe sex. And yes, that includes providing condoms to help young people combat the spread of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases.

It's no longer enough for parents to tell young adults that abstinence is the best way. The kids know that. But they do not necessarily heed that advice. This means that we must communicate to them in other ways. By dispensing condoms to young people and counseling them about safe sex, we can tell them, "I don't agree with your decision, but as your parent or friend, I don't want you to die because you have chosen to be sexually active."

I hope you will print my letter. -- RESPONSIBLE ADULT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR RESPONSIBLE ADULT: I'm printing your letter, but I anticipate sharp criticism from those who disagree with you.

May I add that the only 100 percent safe sex is NO sex at all -- and I believe that is the ONLY way to go for adolescents and teen-agers.

DEAR ABBY: Here's one for your "Tasteless and Tacky" files.

A young co-worker was getting married -- a spur-of-the-moment thing. Having such short notice and being on a tight budget, my wife and I decided that a check for $30 would be our wedding gift.

Two weeks after the nuptials, the groom informed me that they had accidentally "washed" our gift when it went into the washing machine with the laundry, and the check was ruined. Then he asked me if I'd mind writing out another check in the same amount.

Without telling you what I did, I'd like to know what you think of his asking me to write another check, and how I should have handled the situation.

By the way, six months later they separated, were not speaking to each other, and the divorce papers were already filed. -- WONDERING IN THE WEST

DEAR WONDERING: This gives "laundering money" a new twist. His asking you to write another check to replace the one that went into the washing machine was not unreasonable. However, I suspect you delayed replacing the check until you were certain the marriage would last.

DEAR ABBY: A recent letter in your column really struck home with me. It was about an 11-year-old boy who hit a baseball into the neighbors' back yard. Thinking no one was home, he climbed the fence to retrieve it and encountered two nude women, sunbathing.

Well, in 1957, I was 11 years old and visiting my cousin's home in Los Angeles. One afternoon we were practicing archery in his back yard, and I accidentally shot an arrow over the target and into the neighbor's fenced back yard.

When I climbed the fence to retrieve the arrow, I encountered a woman sunbathing nude! When she saw me, she shrieked, grabbed a nearby towel and ran inside her house.

Only later did I learn that the neighbor was Marilyn Monroe! Had I only known then what I know now ... SENTIMENTAL IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR SENTIMENTAL: Right. You'd have grabbed a camera and asked for her autograph.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Many thanks to you, and to Wanda Foster, for promoting closed-captioning to assist hearing-impaired and normal-hearing people while watching television. Many rental videos are also closed-captioned, which has tremendously enhanced my ability to enjoy the top hits.

You referred readers who have difficulty hearing to a physician for a hearing examination. However, please clarify that it is the AUDIOLOGIST who tests for hearing loss, NOT a physician. The audiologist determines whether or not a hearing loss exists, in which part of the ear the damage is located, and whether or not the person is a candidate for a hearing aid. The audiologist selects and fits appropriate hearing aids (and other amplification devices) and assists hearing-impaired individuals and family members to overcome communication breakdowns that occur as a result of hearing loss.

Audiologists are autonomous professionals, have a master's or doctorate degree, have been certified by a national organization, and in most states are licensed to provide audiological and/or hearing aid services to the public.

It may be true that many insurance companies first require a referral from a physician before covering the expense of audiological services, but consumers should be aware that it is the expertise of the audiologist that will gain them hearing help. -- AUDIOLOGIST WITH HEARING LOSS, MESA, ARIZ.

DEAR AUDIOLOGIST: I hear you loud and clear! Thank you for an important message.

P.S. For those who wrote because you are unsure of what closed-captioning is, it appears as dialogue across the bottom of the TV screen, allowing viewers to read what is being said. TV sets manufactured after 1993 have built-in decoders, so if your TV is pre-1993, you may need to purchase a decoder at your local electronics store.

VITAC (Vital Access through Captioning), one of several companies providing closed captioning services, recently sent me some interesting figures: In addition to individuals with hearing impairment, closed-captioning appeals to 45 million people learning English as a second language, 33 million elementary school children learning to read, and 27 million adults trying to improve their literacy.

DEAR ABBY: Recently while dining at a restaurant, my wife and I saw something strange. Another diner lifted her cocktail glass from her paper napkin. She sprinkled salt on the napkin, then did the same thing with her escort's glass and napkin.

We were perplexed by this, but didn't want to bother them to ask. Do you have any idea why someone would do this? -- JUST CURIOUS

DEAR JUST CURIOUS: A cold drink causes the glass to "sweat," and the moisture absorbed by the paper napkin causes the two to stick together. If the dry napkin is first sprinkled with a bit of salt, the glass can be lifted without the soggy napkin clinging to it (and dripping all over the table).

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: "Adam" and I have been married for one year. Prior to our marriage, we lived in separate apartments. Adam had two cats, I had three, and together we bought a dog. Now that we're married and living together, the pet population in our household is overwhelming. I have conveyed my frustration about this to my husband many times.

Well, four months ago, Adam decided to get another dog! I strongly objected, but he brought it home anyway, promising to take care of it 100 percent by himself. Instead, he lies on the couch watching TV and pays no attention to the new puppy, which isn't housebroken. He refuses to take either dog for walks, bathe them or clean the dog run. He says he doesn't like them outside because they destroy the yard (which he takes care of)!

Meanwhile, our house -- which is my responsibility -- is being destroyed. I can't relax with all the chasing and romping that goes on.

Abby, I'm now four months pregnant, and I'm concerned about our baby's safety with so many untrained animals around. We both work full time, and lately Adam's been working on weekends, too. I have proposed that we each keep our favorite pet and find homes for the rest, but Adam won't hear of it. Please help me. -- PET-PEEVED, MARTINEZ, CALIF.

DEAR PET-PEEVED: Insist that the animals be retrained to live outdoors, or find homes for them before the baby arrives. Your peace of mind and your baby's safety come first.

DEAR ABBY: I am a gay man in my mid-20s. I have known that I am gay for as long as I can remember. It is only recently that I have started to accept it. The catch is that I have a girlfriend.

We have been best friends since we were kids, and have tried a serious romantic relationship several times. She is aware of my past struggles in dealing with my sexuality, but she believes we have gotten past it (because I led her to believe that). It was not easy on her before, and I'm sure it won't be easy a second time.

I know she truly loves me and wants to be with me the rest of our lives. I love her, too, and can't imagine her not being a part of my life, but as much as I want to, I cannot make my feelings cross over into the realm of romance -- because I'm gay.

Abby, I want to have a house, kids, a station wagon and a family dog. If I stay in this relationship, I'm sure I can have these things and maybe in time I will learn to be content. However, I'm wondering if maybe I should be honest with her -- and everyone else. I hesitate because she's been through so much already, and I don't want to lose my best friend.

Abby, how can I tell her without losing her? -- LIVING A LIE

DEAR LIVING A LIE: You may be able to tolerate living a lie, but it's unfair to everyone with whom you are involved. Show your girlfriend this letter and tell her that you wrote it.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)