DEAR ABBY: "Adam" and I have been married for one year. Prior to our marriage, we lived in separate apartments. Adam had two cats, I had three, and together we bought a dog. Now that we're married and living together, the pet population in our household is overwhelming. I have conveyed my frustration about this to my husband many times.

Well, four months ago, Adam decided to get another dog! I strongly objected, but he brought it home anyway, promising to take care of it 100 percent by himself. Instead, he lies on the couch watching TV and pays no attention to the new puppy, which isn't housebroken. He refuses to take either dog for walks, bathe them or clean the dog run. He says he doesn't like them outside because they destroy the yard (which he takes care of)!

Meanwhile, our house -- which is my responsibility -- is being destroyed. I can't relax with all the chasing and romping that goes on.

Abby, I'm now four months pregnant, and I'm concerned about our baby's safety with so many untrained animals around. We both work full time, and lately Adam's been working on weekends, too. I have proposed that we each keep our favorite pet and find homes for the rest, but Adam won't hear of it. Please help me. -- PET-PEEVED, MARTINEZ, CALIF.

DEAR PET-PEEVED: Insist that the animals be retrained to live outdoors, or find homes for them before the baby arrives. Your peace of mind and your baby's safety come first.

DEAR ABBY: I am a gay man in my mid-20s. I have known that I am gay for as long as I can remember. It is only recently that I have started to accept it. The catch is that I have a girlfriend.

We have been best friends since we were kids, and have tried a serious romantic relationship several times. She is aware of my past struggles in dealing with my sexuality, but she believes we have gotten past it (because I led her to believe that). It was not easy on her before, and I'm sure it won't be easy a second time.

I know she truly loves me and wants to be with me the rest of our lives. I love her, too, and can't imagine her not being a part of my life, but as much as I want to, I cannot make my feelings cross over into the realm of romance -- because I'm gay.

Abby, I want to have a house, kids, a station wagon and a family dog. If I stay in this relationship, I'm sure I can have these things and maybe in time I will learn to be content. However, I'm wondering if maybe I should be honest with her -- and everyone else. I hesitate because she's been through so much already, and I don't want to lose my best friend.

Abby, how can I tell her without losing her? -- LIVING A LIE

DEAR LIVING A LIE: You may be able to tolerate living a lie, but it's unfair to everyone with whom you are involved. Show your girlfriend this letter and tell her that you wrote it.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in behalf of all farmers and our embattled farming industry. Farming is one of the hardest, most labor-intensive occupations in this country. This year has been particularly difficult because a very wet spring and summer have prevented many of us from planting all of our crops. Consequently, many individuals are uncertain about the future of dairy farming in our state.

In addition, the Southern states have suffered severe drought. This has also affected crop production, so you can bet that soon customers will be complaining about the price of food. Fortunately, in our great country we are blessed with the quantity and quality of our food products.

My grandmother sent me this prayer, which she clipped from a newspaper many years ago. Its author is unknown. Perhaps it will help consumers appreciate not only the farmers' point of view, but our struggle to survive. -- A FARMER IN MAUSTON, WIS.

DEAR FARMER: Having been born and reared in Iowa, where the tall corn grows, I appreciate the Farmer's Prayer your grandmother sent, as well as its unique insight. Read on:

"Dear God, I'm grateful for the generous bounty which you have bestowed upon me, but I must ask one more heavenly favor: Grant me the wisdom to understand why a pound of T-bone steak is considered too high at $3.50 while a 3-ounce cocktail at $2.25 is not, and people pay $1 for a soft drink at the convenience store without blinking, but insist that a 15-cent glass of milk is inflationary.

"Help me, too, my Lord, to comprehend why $6 movie tickets are a normal expense, but $3.50 for a 60-pound bushel of wheat is unimaginable; why cotton is overpriced at 60 cents a pound but a $20 cotton shirt is a "bargain"; and why corn is too steep when 3 cents fills a bowl, but no one bats an eye paying $1 for a serving of flakes in a restaurant.

"Lend me your divine insight that I may perceive the justice in being forced to grant an easement to the utility company so they could cross my property with their gas lines, then double the price they charge me for their gas. And finally, grant me the strength to endure without bitterness the consumers who scoff at me for shelling out $10,000 for a piece of farm equipment that they were paid to build, so they can afford the cars they drive on their vacations down the road that used to be my acreage before it was stolen for the right-of-way.

"Eternal thanks to you, my Creator, for your past insight and divine guidance. But please -- help me to understand their reasoning. Amen."

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Ever since my fiance and I became engaged six months ago, something has been bugging me. I'm 19 years old, and the man I love with all my heart is 20.

We plan to be married sometime next spring. Meanwhile, whenever I tell people our marriage plans, instead of offering congratulations, most respond by asking, "How old are you?" Abby, I think this is extremely rude and insensitive. Worse yet, when I say that I'm 19 and my fiance is 20, I usually receive another rude comment such as, "Tsk, tsk ... you are so young!"

Abby, how should I respond to such insensitive remarks? In my opinion our ages should not be an issue, since neither one of us is a minor. -- IRRITATED

DEAR IRRITATED: Please don't be too hard on those who ask your age. You obviously look much younger than you are.

When people say, "Tsk, tsk, you are so young!" smile and reply, "Thank you." Then take pleasure in the knowledge that you will probably always look younger than your years, which will be an advantage as you grow older. Trust me.

DEAR ABBY: As a young woman, I was considered very beautiful and had so many suitors that it was difficult to choose. All of my husbands (I had several) were aggressive and successful. Although they pursued me with a vengeance, I never felt that any of them loved the "real" me. I was treated like a trophy to be shown off -- but not a person with needs. Had I been happy in any of those superficial relationships, I could have remained in any of the marriages.

Middle age has been such a blessing. I now have the loving relationship that eluded me in my youth. My present husband met me when I turned 40. Although I'm still considered attractive, I'm too old to stop traffic. But he loves me for myself.

I was always a good and loving person, but now, at last, I'm judged by my character and accomplishments -- not my face and figure. -- HAPPY AT LAST

DEAR HAPPY: You have written a thought-provoking letter. Has it occurred to you that with each of your failed marriages you grew, until in middle age YOU were sufficiently wise to choose a husband who was not seduced by appearances?

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were recently invited to the wedding of family friends.

The couple was registered at one of the best stores here, so we sent what we considered an appropriate gift. We attended their wedding (which was very beautiful), then went to the reception at a nearby facility where we were greeted with a cash bar! Only the soft drinks were complimentary.

Abby, please tell me, are we out of touch, or is this being done now? -- CONFUSED IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR CONFUSED: Obviously, since these people did it, it is "being done." Had you asked me, "Is it proper?" I would have replied, "No."

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)