DEAR ABBY: My son is 12 years old. He is quite small for his age, but he is very intelligent and normal in every way, except for his muscle disease -- muscular dystrophy.

Yesterday I had to take him to an oral surgeon for some minor surgery. The oral surgeon was quite friendly and competent, but his nurse kept referring to my son as "the little boy in the wheelchair." When we were in the treatment room we'd hear from down the hall, "Doctor, the little boy in the wheelchair is in Room 4!" Then, "Doctor, the little boy in the wheelchair is too low for the X-ray machine." Then, "Doctor, the little boy in the wheelchair is allergic to latex."

My son finally said to me, "Mom, why do they keep referring to me as 'the little boy in the wheelchair'? I have a name."

Being too shy to say something to the nurse, he kept silent. Not wanting to make trouble on our first visit to that office, I also remained silent. I know that it makes him easily identifiable to refer to him this way, but he is so much more than "a little boy in a wheelchair." He's a person with feelings.

How would they like it if they went into a doctor's office and instead of the nurse saying, "Doctor, Mrs. Smith is in Room 4," she said, "Doctor, the fat lady with the mole on her face is in Room 4"?

Abby, please try to enlighten your readers that those with disabilities are people too. I prefer to remain ... ANONYMOUS

DEAR ANONYMOUS: How unfortunate that your son experienced such insensitivity, particularly from someone in the medical profession who should have known better. Thank you for an important reminder.

DEAR ABBY: I am really teed off because this morning I attempted to go for my usual jog, but I was intimidated by a car of strange men passing by, honking and yelling at me. Even though they continued on their way, I was frightened and returned home because I was alone.

Do men think this kind of uninvited, crude attention is appreciated by women, or are they just getting their jollies by scaring us? I asked many female acquaintances who have experienced this kind of rude behavior. I learned it happens often enough to indicate that a large number of men think it's OK, and not a serious problem.

FYI, guys: Women find this kind of behavior frightening, degrading and low-class. People should be able to walk down a public street without being harassed, regardless of gender. Since men don't have to worry about being knocked down and raped, they have a hard time empathizing with us.

My son knows that if I ever catch him acting this way, I will punish him, no matter how old he is! Mothers, please teach your sons that sexual harassment of any kind is wrong. -- AUTUMN R. VOGEL, DALLAS

DEAR ABBY: I have come across a problem I notice almost daily in our local newspaper.

When a person dies in his 70s, 80s or 90s, why do the newspapers print a picture of an 18- to 30-year-old person?

Surely there is a more up-to-date picture than a high school picture -- or a boot camp picture.

Or why print a picture at all?

I would like your comments on this practice. -- J.E.G. IN NAZARETH, PA.

DEAR J.E.G.: In obituaries of prominent people, newspaper editors use the most current picture they have in their files. For general obituaries, the family of the deceased provides the editors with the picture of its choice.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 45-year-old, divorced Michigan man who has been communicating over the Internet with a 41-year-old Australian woman for more than two months. Kate (not her real name) stated in our first "meeting" (in an online chat room) that she was unhappy in her marriage. Even though she was married, I thought it would be interesting to talk to someone so far away.

We seemed to really click, exchanged photos, and even talked on the telephone a few times. Our online communication has always been pleasant and satisfying -- nothing sexual, just flirtatious.

We have reached the point where we feel we may have started something we might want to continue. Kate has told her family and friends that she wants to come to America to visit me for a month, and I have agreed to pay half her airfare.

Ordinarily I would not allow myself to get involved with a married woman, but I can't deny I have strong feelings for Kate and want to see her.

Does this sound like destiny or an online infatuation that has gone too far? Kate is getting a passport and may arrive within the month. Have we lost our common sense, or does this sound like two people taking a chance on happiness? -- D.K. IN MICHIGAN

DEAR D.K.: It sounds like asking for trouble to me. Aside from the fact that you are carrying on with a married woman, Kate may not be what you expect. I recently heard about a teen who was communicating online with a female he thought was about his age; when they met, he found out she was a 76-year-old granny!

Before you spring for the tickets, ask yourself if you could ever trust a woman who cheats on her husband.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem and need your advice. I am a 23-year-old man who went out with an older woman two summers ago. We had a few fun flings, and next thing I know, she calls to tell me she's pregnant! After I told her I would pay for the abortion, she totally shocked me by telling me she planned to keep the baby and raise it herself. I then went back to college, and after the baby was born, she sued me for child support.

Now I have to pay child support for a child I did not want, to be raised by a woman I do not love. I am so angry, I can't see straight. My life has been turned upside down by this woman. Some of her friends told me that she deliberately tricked me.

Abby, if I hire a lawyer and can prove all this, will I be off the hook for child support? I hate to think I will be paying child support for 21 years! I am so full of rage at the opposite sex I doubt if I will ever trust a woman again.

Also, my parents are pushing me to have visitation rights, but I want nothing to do with this woman OR her baby. I need to know what my rights are. Please give me your advice before I go crazy. -- JOE (NOT MY REAL NAME)

DEAR "JOE": If ever a man needed legal advice, that man is you, so I advise you to lose no time in engaging a lawyer, and prepare to take responsibility for the child you fathered.

DEAR ABBY: Excuse me -- did I miss something here? What kind of a friend calls another collect, especially for free advice?

Did "Red in the Face" ever hear of reversing the charges to her home phone, or using a phone credit card? Even our college-age kids know better than to pull the "collect call" business on us unless it is a true emergency.

Regardless, "Red in the Face's" friend was just plain rude responding as she did to "Red's" note and cash reimbursement for the call. Some friend! -- JOHN IN OMAHA

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I presume that you, and most of your readers who are more than 40 years old, have heard the expression, "It's not over until the fat lady sings."

Was the fat lady they were referring to Kate Smith? -- OLD-TIMER

DEAR OLD-TIMER: No, it wasn't Kate Smith. A reader asked me that question in 1987. The research was quite interesting.

One resource attributed that expression to Dick Motta, coach of the Washington Bullets basketball team, and later coach of the Dallas Mavericks. He was reported to have said it during the 1977-78 basketball playoffs, and he meant, "We may be behind, but we haven't lost the series until all the games have been played." Another source credits Dan Cook, a San Antonio sportscaster, who said it was a takeoff on Yogi Berra's line, "The game isn't over 'til it's over." Mr. Cook said this story is recorded in the Library of Congress.

After I published that information, a reader offered another source of this popular expression. Retired Capt. Charlie E. Milton, U.S. Army, informed me that the expression originated in connection with opera, and the lady it referred to was a heavy-set soprano who performed in Richard Wagner's opera "Gotterdammerung."

Still another reader wrote to me about it, and his letter is so interesting I'm printing it again in its entirety:

DEAR ABBY: I'm sure you meant no offense when you used that expression, "It's not over until the fat lady sings."

It originated during the reign of that great opera star Zinka Milanov, the gargantuan singer with a glorious voice who towered over most of her tenors. When they make fun of Wagnerian Brunhildes, they are really doing a parody of Zinka.

I still remember going with my sixth-grade class to the "Met" to see a matinee of "La Boheme" with Jan Peerce as Rudolfo and Zinka as Mimi. She towered over Jan, and when he sang the aria "Che Gelida Manina" ("What a frozen little hand") to Zinka, who had hands like the boxer Primo Carnera, it was too funny for words.

Jan, by the way, was my neighbor. When his father was alive, Jan did not want his father to walk the seven miles to the synagogue on Saturday, so he had a room of his house made into a chapel. He would invite some of the neighbors and his friends from the Met for services. I was in my teens at the time. You can imagine what it was like hearing the hymns sung with Jan, Roberta Peters, Robert Merrill and others in the little congregation. The house practically shook. -- IRA D. SHPRINTZEN, NEW ROCHELLE, N.Y.

DEAR ABBY: Perhaps it's time to refigure gift giving for senior citizens. I'm 84 and disabled. As for gifts, I don't want anything I have to dust, feed, or put away in a drawer and never use. I know better than anyone what my wants and needs are, and money is always welcome.

I give cash gifts for the following reasons: Money is easily exchanged, comes in different denominations, is evidence of love or concern, it's the right color, easy to mail, one size fits all wallets, purses and billfolds, everybody uses it, and nobody returns it to the store.

I would also like to share my hints for a second honeymoon: Bring medications, money or plastic, sports equipment and leisure clothes. Don't bring: friends, relatives, worries, old arguments, aggravations, children, pets, inhibitions, nightgowns or pajamas.

You may use my name. -- GEORGE A. WILDEBOOR, SAVANNAH, MO.

DEAR GEORGE: Good advice. I've been suggesting cash gifts for years. And your suggestions for what to take on a second honeymoon could apply to vacations, too.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)