DEAR ABBY: I had to write in response to "Available in Maine." Girls, if you know this man, or any man like him, grab him! If I didn't know better, I would have sworn you were describing my husband.

I work full time as a schoolteacher and he stays home with our four children. He not only takes excellent care of the kids, he also cleans the house and runs our small farm. The only thing he can't do is cook.

Abby, I just had to tell the ladies out there that there are some absolute gems among men; however, they may not look like a magazine cover. My husband is the most wonderful, patient, loving, generous man a woman could want, but most women wouldn't take the time to find out because of his appearance.

He has very long hair and a full beard and mustache; therefore most people think he is a criminal, a "biker" or some kind of unsavory character. It's a shame more people don't get to know what a really great guy he is. You may use my name. -- KIT CONNALLY, LONE OAK, TEXAS

DEAR KIT: A man can wear his hair down to his shoulders as well as a full beard and mustache, but if it's shampooed and trimmed regularly, he can look like a magazine ad. Besides, you can't judge a book by its cover.

DEAR ABBY: I received an engraved invitation that has me more than a little puzzled. The invitation is to a "commitment ceremony" for two men, followed by a reception at a swanky downtown hotel.

I have been friendly with one of these men for more than 30 years. Only recently he told me he is gay. I do not want to do anything that would offend him, and I have indicated that I will attend the ceremony and reception.

I have no idea of the protocol for such an occasion. While it's not a wedding per se, that is the idea. Do I take a gift? If so, what kind of gift is appropriate? The parties involved are highly successful businessmen -- one is a magazine editor, the other a prominent lawyer. They don't need a blender.

This is a first for me. I want to express my respect for the union my friend and his partner are forming. What would you do, Abby? -- MINNEAPOLIS READER

DEAR READER: I would treat their "commitment ceremony" as though it were a wedding, because that is what it is to them and those who care about them.

Yes, do send a gift. Something for their home would be nice.

DEAR ABBY: I have heard (and known) about showers for the bride for a long time, but never have I heard about any shower to benefit the groom. Just recently I was surprised to receive an invitation to a "tool" shower for my grandson who is engaged and will soon receive his degree in construction management.

I thought this was a great idea. Surely this is an idea that should be more popular. It would benefit all future grooms. -- J.H.S. IN TEXAS

DEAR J.H.S.: While bridal showers and showers for the couple are more common, showers for the groom are not unheard of. I'm sure many brides would cheer if the common (and frequently offensive to them) stag party were replaced by a more practical shower for the groom.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 27-year-old woman with many friends and a good job. I have been described by many men as "beautiful."

My problem: I can't keep a boyfriend. The reason: I refuse to have sex before marriage. As a Catholic, I am not allowed premarital sex.

Recently a man I had been dating for four months said he loved me, but he dropped me because I wouldn't have sex with him. He asked, "Would a man in his right mind buy a car without driving it first?"

I'm frustrated and very hurt. I keep looking for decent men, but it seems they are all the same.

Sometimes I wish I were ugly; then I would know that a man liked me for who I am and not for my physical attributes.

Does anyone else have this problem? Am I crazy, or old-fashioned? I'm beginning to think I'll be alone for the rest of my life. -- ALONE IN ANN ARBOR, MICH.

DEAR ALONE: You are neither crazy nor old-fashioned. You are to be admired for refusing to do that which you feel is morally wrong. Plenty of good and decent women -- and men -- remain virgins until they marry.

And by the way, a woman is not an automobile to be taken for a "test drive" first. The man you were dating wasn't a buyer; he was a tire-kicker.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to "Very Unhappy," who felt that giving her baby up for adoption was the best thing to do at this stage of her life when she couldn't properly provide for a child and complete her education, too.

You supported her decision to put her child up for adoption, which was excellent advice.

I was adopted when I was 5 days old. My birth mother had made her decision ahead of time to give me up. (That was 41 years ago.) I want to tell "Very Unhappy" that some very grateful couple will be overjoyed to adopt her child for reasons too numerous to list. It takes special people, who desperately want a child, to raise him/her as their own. I am grateful daily for my adoptive parents.

Being a mother myself, I know that admitting you can't properly care for a child is a tremendous decision to make and to live with. It should not be made lightly, but if it's best for the child -- as well as the mother -- then it is the right decision. She is making the ultimate sacrifice of loving her child more than herself.

I wish her the very best and hope she took your advice. -- TRACY L. HOUSTON, NEWPORT NEWS, VA.

DEAR TRACY: So do I. I'll keep you posted if I hear from her again. And I hope I do.

DEAR ABBY: The recent letter concerning respect for funeral processions cracked me up because it reminded me of this story:

Two gentlemen were playing golf near a highway when a funeral procession passed. One gentleman, a very dedicated golfer, laid down his club, removed his hat and bowed his head until the procession passed.

The other gentleman said, "My, that was reverent and thoughtful. That must have been someone you knew."

The first golfer responded, "Yup -- I was married to her for 40 years." -- CURT M. KING, WALNUT CREEK, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I am 24 years old and have been married for 2 1/2 years. I met "Rick" when I was 15. He was my first love.

We are not poor. Rick works two jobs and I work part-time and go to college. After our wedding, I paid all the bills and balanced the checkbook. But after a while, I got frustrated because I was a few cents off, so I let Rick take over the checkbook because he promised to find the discrepancy.

A few months later, I began getting calls at work and at home about unpaid bills and bounced checks. I'd tell Rick about them. He said not to worry, he'd take care of it; money was just tight.

Two weeks later, my car was repossessed. We got it back, after paying a large repo fee plus a month's payment in advance. Obviously Rick had lied to me about being up-to-date on the bills. I know he's not gambling or spending the money elsewhere; he was just late paying the bills and it snowballed.

Last week I typed up monthly and annual spread sheets to organize our budget, and made it plain that I would have to see every bill that comes in. From now on, I will write the checks and manage our finances. Rick agreed. He has apologized repeatedly, and is trying hard to become more responsible. I believe he is sincere, although my credit as well as his is ruined now. At the moment, we are stabilized and not in danger of losing our car or home, but I'm really scared.

He learned his behavior from his mother. (I'll call her Shirley.) When he was a child, his father died. Shirley is now on her fourth husband.

I work with her current husband, who makes really good money but is hurting financially because Shirley goes on spending binges. And this is the clincher: I found out today that Shirley was fired for embezzling money. She was cutting checks for herself and later replacing the money. Rick is terrified his mother will go to jail.

I'm terrified Rick will turn out just like his mother. Shirley is a compulsive shopper, while my husband is merely irresponsible. However, I'm still afraid for our future.

This is the only real problem in our marriage. Rick is a sweet, gentle, loving, funny man who will one day be a great father. I don't want to give up on him, but I don't want us to end up like his parents, either. His stepfather may leave Shirley over this.

Am I doing enough by controlling our finances myself, or are there other measures I should take? I know that people rarely change. Should I leave him? I am ... IN A PANIC

DEAR IN A PANIC: That would depend on how important an honest husband and financial security are to you. Before making any decision about starting a family, please consult an attorney and a credit counselor about safeguarding yourself from Rick's financial irresponsibility.

Contact the National Foundation for Consumer Credit. It is an umbrella group with more than 1,162 member offices in the United States, Canada and Puerto Rico. Many of them go by the name of Consumer Credit Counseling Service. NFCC is a nonprofit education foundation whose purpose is to educate, counsel, and promote the wise use of credit.

Members are also nonprofit and offer free or low-cost professional financial guidance and budget counseling to consumers nationwide. No one is turned away because of an inability to pay for these services.

For the number of the NFCC member office nearest you, consult the business pages of the local telephone directory under "Consumer Counseling Service," or from a touch-tone telephone, call 1-800-388-2227.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)