DEAR ABBY: My 11-year-old son recently hit a ball over the fence into our neighbor's back yard. He went into their yard, thinking no one was home. Well, the owner of the house and a friend (both women) were sunbathing in the nude. According to my son, they did not seem bothered by his surprise appearance, so he got his ball and left.

I told my son it was wrong to go into someone's yard without permission. However, I am bothered by the fact that my neighbor sunbathes in the nude. My son can climb the trees in our yard to peek, which no doubt he will, now that he knows what goes on next door. Also, because the women didn't object to his coming to pick up his ball, I fear he may intentionally hit balls over the fence as an excuse to go over there and get an eyeful. There will be many times during the summer when I will not be home to make sure he does not do either.

Abby, should I ask my neighbor to please refrain from sunbathing in the nude? -- MRS. R.B. IN SANTA CLARITA, CALIF.

DEAR MRS. R.B.: No. Your neighbor has the right to sunbathe in the nude in the privacy of her fenced back yard. Better to tell your son to refrain from climbing the tree in his yard to get an eyeful.

DEAR ABBY: I am a happily married woman. My husband and I have been married for nine years. We have three children, ages 7, 5 and 3.

My question concerns my husband's first marriage, which lasted less than a year and was annulled by the Catholic church. There were no children from that marriage, and it is now a part of the distant past.

I think our children should be told about their father's first marriage, don't you? If you think they should be told, when and how should I bring it up?

Please don't use my name, as few people outside my family know about this. -- FEELING GUILTY

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: There is no reason to feel guilty since that marriage was annulled and there were no children involved. I see no reason to tell your children about it. However, since it is on your mind, you could tell them when they are all old enough to know what a divorce is.

DEAR ABBY: I recently became legally separated and have no intention of reuniting with my estranged husband. Because his employer provides excellent benefits for our entire family, we have agreed not to divorce until one of us decides to marry again.

I am not interested in hearing approval or disapproval of this arrangement. However, I would like to know if I am morally obligated to continue wearing my wedding ring until we are legally divorced.

Please do not tell me that if I had morals I would get a divorce. My financial situation makes the continuance of benefits imperative to the survival of my family. -- BENEFITING IN EL CAJON, CALIF.

DEAR BENEFITING: No one is "morally obligated" to wear a wedding ring under any circumstances. Furthermore, the presence of a wedding ring does not necessarily indicate that the wearer is married. Neither does the absence of one guarantee that the person is NOT married.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: After a childhood scarred by physical and verbal abuse, I married an abusive man from whom I endured 12 years of physical and emotional mistreatment. I am often asked why I remained and put up with such treatment -- why I didn't just get out.

I compare myself in those days to a beaten dog -- timid, withdrawn and distrustful, yet loyal and even forgiving to its owner after being beaten. Why would humans be any different?

I am now free of this abusive man, and in retrospect, I realize that I was programmed to believe the way I did. However, I have been deprogramming myself since those terrible years, and I have succeeded in developing a measure of confidence and self-worth. In fact, I'm a wonderful human being!

I read the poem you published some time ago by Veronica Shoffstall called "After a While" over and over, and I even have a copy of it framed on my wall. I, too, will continue to learn -- with every goodbye, I learn. -- HEALING IN MINNESOTA

DEAR HEALING: Congratulations on your renewed self-esteem and your positive steps to recovery. "After a While" is a favorite of mine, too, and I'm pleased to share it again with my readers.

AFTER A WHILE by Veronica Shoffstall

After a while you learn the subtle difference

between holding a hand and sharing a life

and you learn that love doesn't mean possession

and company doesn't mean security

and loneliness is universal.

And you learn that kisses aren't contracts

and presents aren't promises

and you begin to accept your defeats

with your head up and your eyes open

with the grace of a woman

not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build your hope on today

as the future has a way of falling apart in mid-flight

because tomorrow's ground can be too uncertain for plans

yet each step taken in a new direction creates a path

toward the promise of a brighter dawn.

And you learn that even sunshine burns

if you get too much

so you plant your own garden

and nourish your own soul

instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that love, true love,

always has joys and sorrows

seems ever present, yet is never quite the same

becoming more than love and less than love

so difficult to define.

And you learn that through it all

you really can endure

that you really are strong

that you do have value

and you learn and grow

with every goodbye

you learn.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: About 13 years ago, my parents moved from the town in which my sister, brother and I live to a small town about four hours away. Each of us "kids" has made many visits to our parents for holidays, vacations and "just because." Each year I send birthday and Christmas cards and presents. We do get gifts in return, but usually several days after the occasion. I also call or write them about once a month.

Abby, my husband and I have our own business, which is seven days a week, 365 days a year. (I won't say what it is for fear of disclosing my identity.)

Our parents have never spent one holiday with any of us at our homes. They are retired. They travel quite often, but never visit us. They call about once or twice a year. This year, I asked them several times to come spend the holidays with us, as we are understaffed and have to work on most holidays. They adamantly refused. We are always welcome there, but they will not spend a holiday at anyone's house. They never phone us on holidays; we have to call them.

My father is not in terrific health, so I feel I must keep in contact, but I'm getting tired of being the one to initiate anything.

I told my parents the last time I called that they should start coming here or calling us once in a while -- but the last holiday passed and there was no phone call from them. Nothing. I have thought about not having any contact -- but I don't want to do that. I feel I've done everything possible. Please don't say "just go visit." It's not that easy. -- FRUSTRATED IN MEDFORD, ORE.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: If your parents adamantly refuse to change their behavior, there is nothing that you or the other "kids" can do to force them. Your parents are older and obviously set in their ways. If anything happened to either of them, and you hadn't seen them on the preceding holiday because you were "punishing" them, you would never forgive yourself.

If the demands of your business make it impossible for you to travel, that's understandable, but please don't cut off your nose to spite your face. You could regret it for a long, long time.

DEAR ABBY: I am a married woman in my mid-20s. I have a "best friend" I'll call "Muriel" whom I spend time with every day. My problem is, I feel that I have to be with her all the time. I sometimes feel like I'm in love with her.

I get jealous whenever Muriel's boyfriend comes over, to the point where I actually get upset and start arguments. I'm not attracted to her sexually; I just want her friendship all to myself.

I have told Muriel all of this. She told me I'd always come first with her as far as friends go.

Abby, homosexuality runs through my family, and I don't want to be one. I know my feelings for Muriel are outrageous, and believe me, I'd rather be with my husband, whom I also love very much. What do you advise? -- CONFUSED IN TEXAS

DEAR CONFUSED: Feeling possessive about a friendship does not necessarily mean that you are homosexual. But since the issue of your sexuality is making you uncomfortable, you should seek professional counseling so you can sort out your mixed feelings. I wish you the best of luck.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)