DEAR ABBY: After 45 years of marriage, I became a widower three years ago. Ours was a double-ring ceremony in the Roman Catholic Church.

Other than the early days when my wedding band had to be wrapped with tape to prevent it from falling off my finger, it has not been off my hand.

Now, at age 70, I am romantically involved in a relationship with a lovely widow.

I would like to remove my wedding band and place it in the special ring box where my late wife's wedding band now is. My problem is it will no longer pass over my knuckle no matter how much lubricant I use. It would have to be cut off!

Can this be done? Or is it totally unthinkable? -- LONGTIME READER, NORRISTOWN, PA.

DEAR LONGTIME READER: Your problem can be easily resolved. Pay your favorite jeweler a visit and tell him you need help in getting your wedding ring off your finger because you may be in the market for an engagement ring in the near future. He or she will be happy to help you. Jewelers have a special tool just for this purpose.

Good luck; I admire your spirit.

DEAR ABBY: On a quick trip to the grocery store, an obviously caring mother left her two small children in the car with the keys in the ignition and the motor running to keep the air conditioner on, as it was a very hot day.

I watched in horror as the two little ones tried to "drive" -- twisting the steering wheel and turning the lights on and off. Then one of the children started to play with the buttons that raised and lowered the windows. I was afraid that one of them would get an arm -- or maybe a head -- caught in the window, so I rushed into the store and told the mother I was worried about her children.

Without uttering a word, she marched out of the store, put down the windows, turned off the motor and removed the car keys.

Abby, please warn parents never to leave small children in cars with the motor running. They could easily be kidnapped in a carjacking -- or push the car out of gear to roll into traffic.

One family I knew lost a son when his neck was caught in a closing window. -- A SMALL TOWN IN GEORGIA

DEAR SMALL TOWN: Your letter should be a reminder to all who drive automobiles: NEVER leave small children unattended in an automobile. Keep them with you. The child who's snatched or injured could be your own.

DEAR ABBY: After my father died, my 69-year-old mother started dating a 47-year-old married man with two children. He told her his marriage was "in name only" and the usual things that such men tell widows when they're trying to win them over.

Bottom line: He sold my mother a skating rink in North Carolina that didn't exist and took her for $100,000. That money was supposed to be her nest egg and help put her grandchildren through college.

Please, Abby, tell older widows to make no business dealings without consulting their own lawyer and/or financial adviser, or they may wind up in the poorhouse. -- MOTHER'S DAUGHTER IN MASS.

DEAR DAUGHTER: It is a pity that your mother was left so vulnerable and without a trusted adviser to help her manage her financial affairs after she lost your father. Of course she should not have entered into a business deal without having proper legal representation. Perhaps her bitter lesson will serve as a warning to others. I hope so.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: There is a widespread public misconception that needs to be cleared up. Americans need to know that family consent, not a donor card, is required for organ donation to occur. Hospital personnel always require the consent of next-of-kin before procuring organs. Organ donor cards are effective only if they provide a stimulus for family discussions about the intention to become an organ donor, and the potential donor makes plain to his or her family the desire to make the donation.

In 1995, a review of medical records of deceased patients revealed that there were approximately 13,000 to 15,000 potential organ donors. But only about 5,346 individuals actually donated, despite the fact that the American public overwhelmingly supports organ donation.

Thanks in advance for your help in closing this unfortunate gap. -- TANA SHERMAN, PARTNERSHIP FOR ORGAN DONATION, BOSTON

DEAR TANA: Thank you for an important letter. Discussing one's desire to be an organ donor is a vital step in the organ donation process. When people sign donor cards, they make a commitment and express their wishes to be vital organ donors at the time of their death. But if family members are unaware of a potential donor's wishes, they can -- and often do -- react negatively when they are approached and asked to give their consent. If families understand in advance, there could be an estimated additional 16,000 transplants each year.

I will continue to urge my readers to sign organ donor cards and to discuss their wishes with their families. I believe that most families will agree to respect the wishes of their loved ones.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my early 20s and have been married for three years. My husband's first wife died eight years ago, but he keeps her memory alive. Her wheelchair is still in the corner of our bedroom, and he has everything she owned.

My question is: When does she die? When should he get rid of her things? I feel like I'm competing with a dead woman; I feel haunted. You are the only person I can talk to. I have no other friends. I would like to have counseling but cannot afford it. I am an emotional wreck. -- VERY CONFUSED

DEAR CONFUSED: Tell you husband what you have told me, and give him a month to get her things out of the house, with the understanding that if he doesn't, you will call a local charity that will accept them.

(It occurred to me that you could sell the items and use the money for counseling, but I have a hunch that this will be quicker and just as effective.)

DEAR READERS: I recently ran across these clever instructions for planting a special garden and couldn't resist sharing them:

First, plant five rows of peas: Preparedness, Promptness, Perseverance, Politeness and Prayer.

Next to them, plant three rows of squash: Squash Gossip, Squash Criticism and Squash Indifference.

Then five rows of lettuce: Let Us Be Faithful, Let Us Be Unselfish, Let Us Be Loyal, Let Us Be Truthful, Let Us Love One Another.

And no garden is complete without turnips: Turn Up for Church, Turn Up With a Smile, Turn Up With Determination.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was very upset a couple of weeks ago, so I placed a collect long-distance telephone call to a dear friend whose advice was excellent.

When I returned home, my husband suggested I send her a check as reimbursement for the phone call. Knowing my friend, I said, "She'll never accept it." With that in mind, I sent her a thank-you note with cash enclosed to cover the amount of the call. In the note, I suggested, "You and your hubby get a triple-deck ice cream cone with the change -- for being the dear, generous people you are." (I felt it would add a light, whimsical touch to the note.)

To my dismay, my friend called and told me she had never been so insulted in her life that I'd put cash in the envelope, as she had thought our friendship was above that, and she would not hesitate to ask me for anything. I told her that she was right, but I felt uncomfortable making her pay for my phone call, and this had nothing to do with our friendship. She also mentioned that she had a refrigerator full of ice cream and did not need the money. I tried to explain that because she is so special, this was my way of saying thank you.

She still maintains that it was insulting and I was a mile out of line. Abby, was I? The one in error has promised to eat the telephone bill. -- RED IN THE FACE

DEAR RED: You were the one in error, but don't start eating yet. Perhaps your husband felt he was doing the right thing by suggesting that you insert money into a loving, friendly relationship -- but a small gift would have been better than a check or cash. HE should eat the phone bill.

DEAR ABBY: You recently listed the best place for women to meet men, but you left out the best place of all: the grocery store! Especially early Sunday mornings. I usually go between 7:30 and 8 a.m., and there are always a lot of single guys there. They are like lost little boys. If they are shopping that early, you can be sure they weren't at the bars the night before. You can also tell a lot about a guy by the food he buys. They can never find anything and aren't afraid to ask for help.

Often they will ask what ingredients go into a certain recipe. I always tell them I am not sure of all the ingredients or the amounts, but if they will give me their phone number, I will call them with the info after I get home and check my cookbook.

I never give them my phone number until I have talked to them on the phone several times. And I always call them back to ask how the recipe turned out.

Abby, I've lived in several parts of the country and have met exciting and interesting men in grocery stores everywhere I've lived.

Try it, ladies. It works! -- LOVE THAT FRESH MEAT AISLE DEAR LOVE: What a great suggestion! One can expect to find a terrific assortment of fruit, nuts, hot tamales and cold fish. There's something for everyone.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I received a graduation announcement, and with it came a self-addressed envelope from the sender. What colossal nerve!

Abby, if you were in our place, how would you handle this? -- NO NAME IN YAKIMA, WASH.

DEAR NO NAME: I would write a cordial note of congratulations and return it to the sender.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)