DEAR ABBY: There is a widespread public misconception that needs to be cleared up. Americans need to know that family consent, not a donor card, is required for organ donation to occur. Hospital personnel always require the consent of next-of-kin before procuring organs. Organ donor cards are effective only if they provide a stimulus for family discussions about the intention to become an organ donor, and the potential donor makes plain to his or her family the desire to make the donation.

In 1995, a review of medical records of deceased patients revealed that there were approximately 13,000 to 15,000 potential organ donors. But only about 5,346 individuals actually donated, despite the fact that the American public overwhelmingly supports organ donation.

Thanks in advance for your help in closing this unfortunate gap. -- TANA SHERMAN, PARTNERSHIP FOR ORGAN DONATION, BOSTON

DEAR TANA: Thank you for an important letter. Discussing one's desire to be an organ donor is a vital step in the organ donation process. When people sign donor cards, they make a commitment and express their wishes to be vital organ donors at the time of their death. But if family members are unaware of a potential donor's wishes, they can -- and often do -- react negatively when they are approached and asked to give their consent. If families understand in advance, there could be an estimated additional 16,000 transplants each year.

I will continue to urge my readers to sign organ donor cards and to discuss their wishes with their families. I believe that most families will agree to respect the wishes of their loved ones.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my early 20s and have been married for three years. My husband's first wife died eight years ago, but he keeps her memory alive. Her wheelchair is still in the corner of our bedroom, and he has everything she owned.

My question is: When does she die? When should he get rid of her things? I feel like I'm competing with a dead woman; I feel haunted. You are the only person I can talk to. I have no other friends. I would like to have counseling but cannot afford it. I am an emotional wreck. -- VERY CONFUSED

DEAR CONFUSED: Tell you husband what you have told me, and give him a month to get her things out of the house, with the understanding that if he doesn't, you will call a local charity that will accept them.

(It occurred to me that you could sell the items and use the money for counseling, but I have a hunch that this will be quicker and just as effective.)

DEAR READERS: I recently ran across these clever instructions for planting a special garden and couldn't resist sharing them:

First, plant five rows of peas: Preparedness, Promptness, Perseverance, Politeness and Prayer.

Next to them, plant three rows of squash: Squash Gossip, Squash Criticism and Squash Indifference.

Then five rows of lettuce: Let Us Be Faithful, Let Us Be Unselfish, Let Us Be Loyal, Let Us Be Truthful, Let Us Love One Another.

And no garden is complete without turnips: Turn Up for Church, Turn Up With a Smile, Turn Up With Determination.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was very upset a couple of weeks ago, so I placed a collect long-distance telephone call to a dear friend whose advice was excellent.

When I returned home, my husband suggested I send her a check as reimbursement for the phone call. Knowing my friend, I said, "She'll never accept it." With that in mind, I sent her a thank-you note with cash enclosed to cover the amount of the call. In the note, I suggested, "You and your hubby get a triple-deck ice cream cone with the change -- for being the dear, generous people you are." (I felt it would add a light, whimsical touch to the note.)

To my dismay, my friend called and told me she had never been so insulted in her life that I'd put cash in the envelope, as she had thought our friendship was above that, and she would not hesitate to ask me for anything. I told her that she was right, but I felt uncomfortable making her pay for my phone call, and this had nothing to do with our friendship. She also mentioned that she had a refrigerator full of ice cream and did not need the money. I tried to explain that because she is so special, this was my way of saying thank you.

She still maintains that it was insulting and I was a mile out of line. Abby, was I? The one in error has promised to eat the telephone bill. -- RED IN THE FACE

DEAR RED: You were the one in error, but don't start eating yet. Perhaps your husband felt he was doing the right thing by suggesting that you insert money into a loving, friendly relationship -- but a small gift would have been better than a check or cash. HE should eat the phone bill.

DEAR ABBY: You recently listed the best place for women to meet men, but you left out the best place of all: the grocery store! Especially early Sunday mornings. I usually go between 7:30 and 8 a.m., and there are always a lot of single guys there. They are like lost little boys. If they are shopping that early, you can be sure they weren't at the bars the night before. You can also tell a lot about a guy by the food he buys. They can never find anything and aren't afraid to ask for help.

Often they will ask what ingredients go into a certain recipe. I always tell them I am not sure of all the ingredients or the amounts, but if they will give me their phone number, I will call them with the info after I get home and check my cookbook.

I never give them my phone number until I have talked to them on the phone several times. And I always call them back to ask how the recipe turned out.

Abby, I've lived in several parts of the country and have met exciting and interesting men in grocery stores everywhere I've lived.

Try it, ladies. It works! -- LOVE THAT FRESH MEAT AISLE DEAR LOVE: What a great suggestion! One can expect to find a terrific assortment of fruit, nuts, hot tamales and cold fish. There's something for everyone.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I received a graduation announcement, and with it came a self-addressed envelope from the sender. What colossal nerve!

Abby, if you were in our place, how would you handle this? -- NO NAME IN YAKIMA, WASH.

DEAR NO NAME: I would write a cordial note of congratulations and return it to the sender.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have cried and practically worried myself sick and would appreciate some advice.

My 25-year-old son told us that he and his girlfriend, "Nancy," are getting married this summer. I have met her and she's very nice. Nancy says she wants to finish college and get her degree in business before they marry. (My son hasn't finished college either.)

Nancy is divorced and has a 2 1/2-year-old daughter. I worry that the little girl's father may give my son trouble. I wanted him to have his own child first. My husband says it's our son's decision, not ours.

Abby, I want to feel close to Nancy, but I'm having trouble doing so. My son has always been very good to me, and I am afraid he'll get hurt. The rest of the family approves of this marriage, but I don't. Your advice would be very much appreciated. -- DEPRESSED IN DIXIE

DEAR DIXIE: Our children's choices are not always what we would wish for them, but as adults, they have the right to make their own decisions. If Nancy's ex causes problems, they will be your son's problems, not yours. Sometimes parents must step aside and allow the children to live their own lives.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Hair-Splitting" caused me a smile and some concern. The reader wanted to know how to tell a friend that his hairpiece is the "worst imaginable." I have no suggestions for how she might break the news, but I do have a message for the man wearing the hairpiece.

I began wearing a hairpiece when I was only 14, and just like "John," I was afraid -- afraid of being seen without it, getting it wet, getting it dirty, affording a new one, etc. In short, I was afraid of living.

At 39, I finally found the courage to discard it. I had the complete support of my family, co-workers and members of my church. Getting rid of my hairpiece has given me freedom for the first time in my life. I have been told that I look much better, even by casual acquaintances. That was almost 15 years ago.

I would never recommend that a man who is losing his hair start wearing a hairpiece. He will become a slave to it, just as I was.

I have more fun, feel better and am more relaxed than I ever was when I had that hairpiece stuck on my head. I am upset with the media for implying that one is less of a man without hair. You missed a chance to educate, Abby. -- HAPPILY HAIRPIECE-LESS IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR HAPPILY: Perhaps I did, but the man with the "worst imaginable" hairpiece was not the person writing for advice. He may someday come to the realization that you did -- that the key to being accepted is to accept ourselves as we are, even if we do not conform to Hollywood's or Madison Avenue's ideal of beauty. True freedom comes from being comfortable with who we are and being able to live without pretense. But until that day arrives, I still think his friends would be doing him a favor if they leveled with him.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)