DEAR ABBY: I was just 53 years old when I began having trouble on my job as a bank teller with what seemed to be vision problems. Suddenly it became difficult to enter large numbers into my computer and my performance nosedived. My doctors tried changing my eyeglasses, but nothing helped. Eventually my doctor referred me to a neurologist, who suspected that I had a brain tumor, but following dozens of tests, made the diagnosis of Alzheimer's disease.

Since then, my life has changed so much. No matter how loving and caring your family and friends are, it's a difficult and lonely journey. I can no longer work and had to give up the freedom of driving. It's difficult to do many other things that most people take for granted.

My husband and I discovered the Alzheimer's Association, which has been our salvation. We have been blessed to participate in our local chapter's support groups, where we meet others who are going through the same problems and share their experiences and solutions. It makes you realize you aren't quite as alone as it seems most of the time.

To others in my situation: Learn all you can about Alzheimer's disease and go out and live one day at a time. I'm living each day to the fullest as I accept those things I cannot change and fight for those things I can. I haven't fallen into the trap of self-pity and depression.

Abby, if you print my letter, please do not disclose my name or location, as my mother does not yet know that I have Alzheimer's disease. -- "SUSIE"

DEAR SUSIE: Thank you for an important letter and for having the courage to speak out. Memory loss and changes in mood and behavior are early signs of Alzheimer's disease, but dementia, which is a decline in intellectual ability severe enough to interfere with a person's daily routine, can have many causes. At least 60 conditions can cause it -- including strokes, Huntington's disease, Parkinson's disease, depression, drug interactions, stress, thyroid problems and vitamin deficiencies. Some of these conditions can be reversed if detected early. Early and accurate diagnosis is essential to determine the cause of the dementia.

Alzheimer's disease is the most common disorder causing dementia, and has been known to strike people in their early 40s and 50s. Presently, there is no cure for Alzheimer's.

The "early onset" form of this disease presents unique planning issues for both individuals and families. Early diagnosis may resolve the anxiety of wondering "what's wrong with me," and allow more time to plan for the future and address important issues regarding care, living arrangements, and financial and legal issues.

As more people in the early stages of Alzheimer's disease seek support and assistance, a growing number of the Alzheimer's Association chapters are providing support groups for individuals with the disease, in addition to their long-standing programs for caregivers and family members.

I urge readers to contact local chapters to learn about the help that's available. The Alzheimer's Association has a new brochure titled "Steps to Getting a Diagnosis: Finding Out If It's Alzheimer's Disease," which is available at no charge through local chapters, or the association's national information line: 1-800-272-3900.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My father, who is in his 60s, has a very controlling personality. He is also a hoarder. He refuses to throw anything away, and the rooms of his house are piled high with junk, old newspapers and magazines. He can never find anything. He has "misplaced" his checkbook, and many bills go unpaid because he misplaces them, too. His insurance was just canceled for nonpayment of the premium. When I tried to help him organize this mess, I found unopened mail and traveler's checks mixed in with his junk.

He gets furious with me for interfering and becomes nasty with the whole family if someone throws away an outdated newspaper or magazine. He says he plans to read them and wants them stacked in the rooms or basement until he's ready for them.

I dread the day when I will be stuck sorting this mound of trash. Please advise me if there is a solution to this problem. -- FRUSTRATED WITH PAPA HOARDER

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your father is not competent to live alone. He can no longer handle his finances, and the accumulation of junk makes his home a fire hazard and probably a health hazard as well. Stacks of papers and other junk are havens for rodents and insect pests.

Talk to an attorney. Someone (probably you) should be appointed to manage your father's finances and have the authority to get someone to look after him, or to place him in a care facility.

Don't delay -- the time to act is now!

DEAR ABBY: I am 20 years old and am in college, as is my fiance. "Jack" is working his way through college. He comes from a poor but decent churchgoing family.

I am very close to my mother's sister ("Aunt Ida"), and when she heard that I had become engaged but did not get an engagement ring, she and "Uncle Ted" took it upon themselves to buy a beautiful (fake) diamond ring. Jack and I were invited to their home, where she handed Jack the ring to put on my finger.

Jack turned bright red, became very angry and didn't mince words. He told them that he didn't like to deceive people, and when he could afford to buy a ring, he would buy me one and it would be the real thing.

Now my mother is angry and isn't talking to Aunt Ida and Uncle Ted, and I'm caught in the middle. I know they meant well, but I feel terrible that my relatives put such importance on appearances. How can I defuse this situation? -- ENGAGED WITHOUT A RING

DEAR ENGAGED WITHOUT A RING: You appear to be a sensible young woman with excellent values. To defuse the situation, ask your mother to forgive Aunt Ida and Uncle Ted, because you already have.

DEAR ABBY: I need your advice. I love my job and it pays well, but I have a problem I really need to resolve.

My boss -- a male -- opens all my mail. It is clearly addressed to me and marked "personal."

I think this is rude and unacceptable. Please print this, as he reads your column every day. -- ANNOYED IN COLORADO

DEAR ANNOYED: You should have your personal mail addressed to your home.

DEAR ABBY: Every so often you suggest appropriate gifts for senior citizens who don't need more bric-a-brac or perfume.

My granddaughter, who lives in California, gave me the perfect gift. She arranged for me to get unlimited taxi service. I bless her daily for her thoughtfulness. -- GRATEFUL GRANDMA, ST. JAMES, N.Y.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who lives in a distant city and who occasionally calls me at work from her home, where she works, just to "keep in touch" for five or 10 minutes of chatting.

I hope you won't think I'm being petty, but I'm developing a pet peeve about how these conversations start off. Once I answer my phone (at work), she asks me to hang up and call her back so that MY company will pay for the call rather than have it on her telephone bill. Considering that this is the only way we "spend time" together, given the distance separating us, I feel she's subtly saying that my friendship isn't worth the dollar or two invested in the call. By the way, I am certain she can afford it.

Abby, am I being overly sensitive, or is this a rude practice? -- CALIFORNIAN

DEAR CALIFORNIAN: You are not being overly sensitive, and your friend is not only being rude, she is spending your company's money and occupying your time.

The next time she calls, tell her that you are not comfortable with personal calls on company time, and ask her to please call you at home.

DEAR ABBY: My family recently moved to this city, and in my new high school, two girls who are best friends have taken me under their wing, and we have become a threesome. One of the girls, "Jenny," has a backyard swimming pool and once school is out, they spend most of their afternoons sunbathing and swimming in the pool. They want me to join them. The problem is, they skinny-dip and sunbathe in the nude.

I told them that I am uncomfortable with it and they responded that I was being a prude. The pool is secluded, and Jenny's mom does not allow her to invite guys over to swim, but I am still unsure. Could they be lesbians? Is there any harm in swimming in the nude? What should I do? -- UNSURE

DEAR UNSURE: Everyone has the right to view nudity the way she chooses. Yes, they could be lesbians, but chances are they're just two straight females who are comfortable with their own bodies. There's no harm in swimming in the nude; however, you should do only that with which you feel comfortable.

DEAR ABBY: We have your book, "The Best of Dear Abby," which was published in 1981. It is wonderful -- rich with human interest, frequent grins, laughs and guffaws!

Have you published a similar book since then?

Apparently you've been at your "Dear Abby" job about 40 years. Keep it up -- we need your down-to-earth philosophy. -- LARRY E. HORN, LOS ANGELES

DEAR LARRY: Thank you for your kind words. Jan. 9 marked my 40th anniversary as Dear Abby.

I have been contemplating writing another book, with a working title of "The Rest of the Best of Dear Abby." I would welcome input from my readers, so if you have a favorite Dear Abby letter, please send it to: Dear Abby Favorite Letter, P.O. Box 531, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)