DEAR ABBY: After reading the comments in your column about junk mail, I had to share my experience with you. It all started in Vancouver, where my wife ordered a sweater for me from the landlady who ran the bed and breakfast inn where we were staying. The landlady wanted to be paid only for the yarn, not her time. She suggested we give what we felt it was worth to our favorite charity.

When we received the sweater at home in Pennsylvania two months later, my wife sent a check to the landlady and asked her to put her favorite charity on the check. Soon my wife was getting pelted with financial support letters from Jimmy Swaggart's ministry. Finally, I wrote "DECEASED" on one of the solicitations and returned it. Presto! She no longer got mail from Jimmy Swaggart.

My brother-in-law, a doctor in Miami, heard how I got rid of my "junk mail" and put "deceased" on all of his junk mail and returned it to sender. A few weeks later, he realized that he was not receiving important mail that he was expecting. He then found out that his postman had seen "deceased" on his mail and, assuming that he was indeed dead, had put "deceased" on his first-class mail and sent it back, too. My brother-in-law then discovered that he'd been mourned by his Harvard classmates and was no longer a member of some of his clubs and associations.

His remark to me was, "The next time you get a smart idea, don't tell me about it!" -- AN ABBY FAN IN LAKE WALES, FLA.

P.S. About 30 years ago, I wrote you about my wife not being interested in sex. You suggested we see a sex therapist, only we couldn't afford to go because I was starting a new business. This year, when things went from bad to worse, we started going to a therapist -- and we wished we had taken your advice years ago!

DEAR FAN IN LAKE WALES: Better late than never.

DEAR ABBY: I have never written to you before, but I read the letter from "Wondering in Missouri," about the lady who wanted to know if she should give her children things that were special to her before she passed away. Yes, yes, yes -- please do!

My mom died earlier this year and none of her wishes were obeyed. For years and years, she had been telling everyone the things that she wanted her children and grandchildren to have. Well, after she was gone, her husband ignored her wishes, refused to pay one cent for the funeral, and treated us worse than anyone could ever begin to imagine. He kept everything she wanted her loved ones to have.

I and her granddaughters are devastated. We not only have to live every single day with the grief of losing her, but we have nothing of hers that she wanted us to have. Mother would be so very sad.

Her husband destroyed her will and did not even give us the courtesy of seeing her last words. So, if you have loved ones who are special to you -- then please, please give them the things that you want them to have before you die. We can't even get a lawyer to try and fight this injustice because we can't afford it. My heart is broken. -- BROKENHEARTED IN OREGON

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: I have often said, "Do your giving while you're living, and you'll be knowing where it's going."

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am forwarding this letter to you from my mother, who recently died from ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease). She wrote it almost one year before her death, when she was diagnosed with this terminal disease. She left it for us to send to you because she wanted people who are against issues such as assisted suicide to feel what she was going through. She asked for open-mindedness and understanding. Her words are better than any of ours, for only she truly knew what she had to face. -- KRISTIN BULL, MADISON, WIS.

DEAR KRISTIN: Please accept my sympathy at this sad time. Your mother makes a powerful argument for her point of view:

DEAR ABBY: Have you ever faced death with someone you dearly loved? Have you watched a loved one go through excruciating pain or helpless and hopeless suffering, because it's obvious the end is near?

I would like to spare my husband, daughters, parents, family and friends, as well as myself. I'm not so much scared to leave this life as I am of the journey that's in store for me. After being diagnosed with ALS, I have prayed for the strength to go with dignity. How can one be dignified while struggling with breathing, swallowing and all other muscular functions of the body?

I would love to have a Dr. Kevorkian with me to ease the way. What the world needs are more Dr. Kevorkians! I wish people would allow some flexibility in their thoughts and actions. I am considering being filmed at the end; it would be far more graphic than a letter. -- HELEN BULL, MADISON, WIS.

DEAR KRISTIN AND DEAR READERS: The latest acquittal of Dr. Jack Kevorkian by a jury in Michigan, coupled with a recent decision of the U.S. Court of Appeals, which held that the laws against assisting a suicide are unconstitutional, focuses attention on the issue of how a terminally ill patient can request and receive physician aid-in-dying rather than accepting home care or hospice.

The Hemlock Society USA advocates legalization of physician aid-in-dying for competent, terminally ill patients should they choose this method of ending their lives. In order to further patients' rights in this area, the Hemlock Society USA is working for the enactment of laws in each state that clearly and succinctly set forth the guidelines for voluntary aid-in-dying.

For more information and to receive two helpful booklets, "Patients' Rights and Resources" and "A Letter to My Physician," as well as membership information, please write to: The Hemlock Society, P.O. Box 101810, Denver, Colo. 80250.

DEAR ABBY: I am a steady reader of your column, which I really enjoy, but I am puzzled by one thing. A lot of letters start with: "Recently I read in your column," etc., or you will say, "Yesterday I published a letter from 'The Grandparents,'" etc. Well, not in my newspaper you didn't.

Abby, does each paper sort of do its own thing with your column or what? I read you in The Asheville Citizen-Times in North Carolina. Thank you for answering this. -- CHRISTEL FRITZCHING, LITTLE SWITZERLAND, N.C.

DEAR CHRISTEL FRITZCHING: Yes, each newspaper sort of "does its own thing." If a paper is short of space, it may drop a letter, then run it at a later date when space is available.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This is regarding the letter from "Worried in Visalia, Calif." I have had my own experience with a part wolf-dog that I would like to share.

A couple of years ago, we were in the process of buying a house and had to live temporarily in an apartment where animals were not allowed. My parents agreed to keep our dog until our house was finished. Their next-door neighbors owned three large dogs, one being part wolf.

Our dog is a mini Doberman pinscher and quite small compared to the other dogs. One day when no one was at home at my parents' house, the three dogs came over their fence and attacked our little dog. The neighbor heard unusual yelping and went to check out what was happening. He jumped the fence to see the part wolf-dog tearing our little dog apart. The neighbor pulled the wolf-dog off and had to literally push our dog's intestines back inside before he could pick her up and take her to the vet. She had been torn open from her back down one side to the bottom of her stomach.

The neighbor, whose son owned the dog, was very apologetic and visibly upset about it and agreed to pay for the vet bill. Our dog was in the hospital for a week and we very nearly lost her, but she made it through the ordeal.

This is not the first time this dog has attacked. It has bitten another neighbor and chased my mother; it tried to attack them when they were walking next to the fence. The son of the neighbor refused to get rid of this dog, and they still have it.

A wolf-dog is a very dangerous breed, and anyone who plans to own one should reconsider because their behavior is very unpredictable.

I know this letter is long, but I hope you will print it so people will know how dangerous it is to own such a "pet." -- G.K.T.

DEAR G.K.T.: Thank you for a valuable piece of advice. Dog lovers -- are you listening?

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were recently invited to a neighbor's surprise 30th birthday party. It was held at an expensive restaurant and nothing was said about who was paying for the dinner.

At the restaurant, the waiter explained the limited menu options to the 20 guests. No prices were mentioned, nor were we given the opportunity to make a selection from the menu. (I just assumed that our host had selected the food, so who was to argue?)

Imagine my surprise when, at the end of the evening, we were each handed a bill. Only one person paid in cash.

Question: Who was responsible for paying for the dinner? The host or the guests? -- ONE EXPENSIVE EVENING

P.S. We all brought gifts, and most paid for a baby sitter for the evening.

DEAR EXPENSIVE EVENING: When people are invited to a birthday party, they naturally assume they are guests.

It was a surprise party in every sense of the word. The hosts were surprisingly ignorant of the social graces.

DEAR ABBY: You had a letter in your column recently about people not being happy about their old age. There are two ways to look at it.

First, without birthdays we would be dead, so be thankful instead for all the lessons of life you have learned and the love you have both given and received.

Second, look at age the way my granddaughter does. When Jessica was 3 years old, I misplaced something and was muttering to myself about being forgetful in my old age. She told me I wasn't in my old age. I asked her, "What do you mean?" She replied, "Your old age is what you were before your birthday. After that, you're in your NEW age."

She was right. -- MARY KALLINEN, COON RAPIDS, MINN.

DEAR MARY KALLINEN: What a bright granddaughter you have. Thanks for a dandy day-brightener.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)