DEAR ABBY: Please help me. I'm at my wit's end.

My husband (I'll call him Herman) is a retired builder who likes to putter. We just moved to Florida and live in a lovely neighborhood. My problem is everyone, no matter where we go, seems to think that Herman is his maintenance man.

Abby, my husband gets dizzy spells! Our neighbor, who's the same age, often asks Herman to fix his roof, hang his Christmas lights or cut his palm trees. He doesn't give us a moment's peace.

We came down here to retire, not so Herman could be everyone's free maintenance man.

If we go on vacation to visit his family in Canada, the same things happen. It's no vacation. My poor husband comes home exhausted and aching and has to be in bed by 6:30.

I've had it. I'm ready to explode. If I say anything, Herman gets mad.

If people can afford to live in Florida, they can afford to pay someone to do the work. We don't need the money. We need the peace of mind. Herman says we need friends. I'm happy with the ones we have. Your thoughts, please? -- FORMER SNOWBIRD

DEAR FORMER SNOWBIRD: Your husband sounds like a sweetheart, but he shouldn't confuse free handyman services with friendship. No one who values his friendship would ask him to risk injuring himself.

Since Herman won't listen to you, a word of caution from his doctor might help. Tell his physician that despite his dizzy spells, your husband continues to do high-altitude handiwork.

If that doesn't succeed, the next time the neighbor asks your husband to do something he shouldn't, cheerfully inquire about how much insurance coverage he's carrying -- in case someone who's been having dizzy spells should fall off his roof or out of his tree.

DEAR ABBY: In a recent letter written by "Miserable in Missouri," the husband kept telling his wife, "My mom didn't do it that way."

I am 88 years old and have kept this poem for more years than I can count. It carries the same message:

"He didn't like my pudding

"And he didn't like my cake.

"My biscuits were too hard.

"Not like his mother used to bake.

"I didn't perk the coffee

"And I didn't make the stew,

"I didn't mend his socks

"Like his mother used to do.

"As I pondered for an answer

"I was looking for a clue.

"So I turned and boxed his ears,

"Like his mother used to do."

Abby, I enjoy your letters and remarks, and often take them to the senior center and share them with others. -- MARION V. COLLINS, MILTON, DEL.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have kept a letter you ran in Newsday (New York) on Aug. 20, 1982, and believe it is even more appropriate today.

If you agree, please consider rerunning it.-- JACK PLETMAN, HUNTINGTON STATION, N.Y.

DEAR MR. PLETMAN: I agree. Thank you for sending it.

DEAR ABBY: This is a letter I would like my neighbors to see. Perhaps your column will reach them:

"Dear Neighbors: I am reminiscing today over the 25 years that we have been your neighbors. When we moved here from out of state, we waited for you to welcome us. You never did.

"We are a decent, respectable family. Maybe our children were a little noisy at times, and our grass was uncut once in a while, and our religion was different from yours -- so you ignored us.

"Events in our lives -- births, graduations, weddings, deaths -- came and went with no acknowledgments from you.

"Now that we are all old and the children are gone from the street, shall we be hypocritical and mourn your deaths, or regret your moving?

"I think not. We are all poorer for having ignored one another, but we survived. May our children extend the hand of friendship to their neighbors." -- AGNES IN CULVER CITY, CALIF.

DEAR AGNES: What's done is done, but times have changed. Neighbors need each other today for security as well as for the sake of old-fashioned friendship.

This is a plea for people to reach out and offer their friendship to the newcomers in the neighborhood. And if the welcome is slow in coming, the newcomers should initiate the dialogue.

Nothing separates like silence.

DEAR ABBY: "Steve" and I have been married for three years. I'm 37 and Steve is 30. Steve told me right off the bat that he did not want children. (I was ambivalent.)

Recently I asked him to get a vasectomy as some of his friends have done, because I'm tired of the cost of the pill as well as its side effects, and a vasectomy is easier than female sterilization. Steve absolutely refused even to discuss it with me, much less with a counselor.

Abby, now I'm worried that in a few years down the line he could divorce me and have children with a younger woman, but I'd be too old to get married again and have children.

Is Steve just using me for sex and companionship until he reaches the financial peak of his career?

I am considering getting pregnant "accidentally" so that even if we got divorced, I'd have some child support coming in. What should I do? -- ANXIOUS IN ST. PAUL

DEAR ANXIOUS: The questions you have raised indicate that your marriage is on shaky ground. A marriage without trust is no marriage at all. It is possible that your husband is afraid that a vasectomy will be painful, or somehow make him "less of a man." It is imperative that you and Steve reach an understanding about this. "Accidentally" getting pregnant will only worsen the situation.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: You wrote that you know of no one who actually enjoys transacting business with a computer.

Well, you do now; I am one.

Maybe it's a sign of my generation (I'm 26), but I think automated telephone systems are fun. If I had a choice between getting a person or a computer to take care of my business, I'd choose the computer every time. It's very efficient, and I don't have to worry about being put on "hold" or dealing with a rude customer service representative.

I realize that not everyone can adapt to this type of technological leap, but I appreciate getting lots of information without saying a word. However, I think businesses need to accommodate customers who prefer to talk with a real person. Sign this ... PRESS 5 TO REPEAT

DEAR PRESS 5: Perhaps it's generational, but I confess that I am among those who become confused when I hear prerecorded instructions. However, more people wrote favoring automated systems than knocking them. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have a couple of thoughts after reading "Frustrated Fran"'s letter about automated answering systems. Automated systems are, admittedly, far more economical than employing a slew of live operators full time.

There are two ways companies can relieve the frustration of voice mail. The first is used by many firms who offer the caller the opportunity to speak to a live operator by pressing "0" if he/she cannot figure out how to get a satisfactory result from the menu options.

The second solution is one I have encountered less often, but is a real help. The recording gives an estimate of how long it will be before callers get through to the party or extension they seek. This provides the option of hanging up and calling again if the wait is longer than desired.

By utilizing either of these options, a company can markedly reduce the frustration that sometimes results from an encounter with a computer. I hope that corporate America will take this to heart. -- BURKE BELKNAP, OCEANSIDE, CALIF.

DEAR BURKE: At the risk of appearing cynical, let's not hold our breath until corporate America feels it deeply enough in the pocketbook to take it to heart.

DEAR ABBY: You recently printed a letter from an older woman who still regretted her long-lost romance, and correctly signed it "Stupid in California."

She should have been advised: "Things usually turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out."

Also remember, "You may not be able to turn back the clock, but you can always wind it up again." -- BILL STAUN, CINCINNATI

YOUR CHUCKLE FOR THE DAY:

There is one fault that I must find

With the 20th century,

And I'll put it in a couple of words:

Too adventury.

What I'd like would be some nice full monotony

If anyone's gotony.

-- OGDEN NASH (1902-1971)

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)