DEAR ABBY: Where have all the smart Hollywood producers gone? Is sex all they are able to write about? It's disgusting!

I grew up in the '70s and am far from a prude, but why is it so difficult to find a clean television show these days?

They say that sex sells. If that's true, why is "Home Improvement" so popular? It's consistently one of the top-rated shows. If I want to see raw sex, I'll rent a movie or a video. Give me a break! And while I'm at it, violence is something else I can live without. Isn't it scary enough to see someone getting shot? Do they need to show someone's head blown off?

Thanks for letting me speak up. -- HAD ENOUGH IN WATERLOO, N.Y.

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: I've also had enough -- and "Home Improvement" happens to be one of my favorites, too.

On Feb. 29 in Washington, a group of network executives promised to begin rating television programs by the end of this year. It will be interesting to see if this voluntary rating system leads to any reduction of sex and violence on TV.

DEAR ABBY: Your recent column on the subject of children showering with their parents struck a nerve with me because my daughter-in-law often suggests that my son shower with their 3-year-old daughter "to save time." This is a big "no-no" with me.

One time when I was at their home, my son was going to take his daughter into the shower with him. (Her mother was not home.) I spoke up and said, "That child is too old to be showering with you; I'll bathe her in the other bathroom." He acquiesced.

Abby, they also allow this child to sleep with them on occasion. Another "no-no" in my book. I was brought up to respect privacy; the parents' bedroom should be strictly for the parents.

This couple is in their 40s, so they are old enough to know better. Both are professional people.

I remain concerned about this situation. I try to be a good mother-in-law and don't want to cause any trouble, so I usually keep my mouth shut. Perhaps a few words in your column about this subject will get through to them. -- OLD-FASHIONED GRANDMA

DEAR GRANDMA: You are not old-fashioned -- I agree with you. A 3-year-old child should not shower or bathe with a parent of the opposite sex, and should sleep in his/her own bed. A little snuggling for a few minutes while telling a bedtime story is OK, but parents should not make a habit of allowing their children to sleep with them.

DEAR ABBY: Your recent suggestion of giving a fire extinguisher as a gift to newlyweds was excellent.

Many people (myself included) put the fire extinguisher in a cabinet directly over the stove to have it handy. This is the worst possible place if a fire starts in or on the stove, since you may not be able to get to the fire extinguisher because of the flames.

This was pointed out by a local fireman at a lecture on fire safety. Of those present at the lecture, the majority who had an extinguisher in the kitchen had it over the stove. -- MARY G. BOURQUE, LAKEVILLE, MASS.

DEAR MARY: Excuse me, I'm going to my kitchen to see where the fire extinguisher is. ...

... I'm back, and sure enough, it was right over the stove, so I moved it to the opposite corner of the kitchen

Thank you for a valuable suggestion to share with my readers.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have read your column for many years and enjoy it. The services you offer to the military, such as Operation Dear Abby, are great. However, I'm writing you now because of a disturbing letter I read in your column from Kent D. Myrick of Phoenix, regarding Peace Corps benefits.

I sympathize with Mr. Myrick and all Peace Corps volunteers regarding their lack of recognition for a valuable contribution to all peoples. My problem is with his characterization of military members as "my peers who are trained to go to other nations and subjugate or kill their inhabitants."

I'm a sergeant first class in the U.S. Army and have served my country proudly for 18 years. I had thought that this kind of prejudice against the military was dead. I would like Mr. Myrick to take a moment of his time to research some of the missions that our country's military forces have been involved in during recent years -- operations such as those that have taken place in Somalia, Rwanda, and those currently taking place in the former Yugoslavia. All were operations designed to help countries get back on their feet and, in many cases, to allow the inhabitants to enjoy the freedom that we as Americans enjoy.

This is 1996, and some of the utmost concerns of today's military are peacekeeping and peace enforcement missions. We are currently deployed around the globe providing support to people in need through many different programs. Do we love the people of other lands? See the tears streaming down the face of a 21-year-old specialist as he holds a child in Ethiopia who has just died of malnutrition. You will find his tears are not for himself, but they are the pain of knowing that this tragedy never should have happened.

It's unfair to judge the military and Peace Corps workers as peers. It is through the hard work and diligence of our country's armed forces that we are able to have an organization such as the Peace Corps.

I assure you that while members of the military are trained to fight in the defense of our country, we have many other valuable skills as well.

Thank you for allowing me to voice my opinion. -- SFC CURTIS D. ARCHULETA, HOHENFELS, GERMANY

DEAR SFC ARCHULETA: Thank you for voicing your opinion so politely and without rancor. I received many angry letters about that item. Although I agree with Mr. Myrick that there should be greater rewards for Peace Corps volunteers, I wish to apologize for publishing a letter so filled with outdated political rhetoric.

DEAR ABBY: In a recent column, a reader complained about automated telephone answering menus -- or whatever they are called. Well, any time I am plagued with one of those "by the numbers" routines, I get a letter off to the perpetrator with the suggestion that he/she switch to my menu. Here it is:

To make an appointment, dial 2-C.

For after-hours shopping, dial 7-11.

To hammer nails, push the "pound" key.

To make a wish, push the "star" key.

To be fitted for a dance costume, dial 2-2.

When you return from lunch, dial I-8.

To play tic-tac-toe, push the number key.

And finally, to reach top management, dial zero!

-- ARTHUR H. LASSER, LARGO, FLA.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I would like to address the contention that books, TV and the movies are corrupting today's citizens -- especially its youth.

If that is so, please tell me what books Cain read before he murdered his brother Abel. What soap opera did Lot's two daughters watch that influenced them to get their father drunk and commit incest? And what vile movie prompted the woman at the well to take up a life of dissolution?

The media reflect human mores and values, not influence them. When I was a boy of 8 or 9, I knew all the "facts of life," which were given to me crudely, by the "big boys" of the village of perhaps 200 souls, who were churchgoing people almost to a man. There were no daily newspapers, movies only occasionally, no TV, and only one radio in the village. So where did we hear of sex, violence and profanity? From our peers! It has always been thus. The media do not set the trends -- they follow them.

If no one bought tobacco, apples or potatoes, no farmer would raise them. If there were no demand for smut, no one would go to the expense of providing it, because without profit, there is no incentive. Much of America has come to expect or demand sex, violence and profanity; thus we have it. Trendsetters are usually friends among us. -- HOWARD CHILDRESS, MURFREESBORO, TENN.

DEAR MR. CHILDRESS: There is no denying the truth in your observations. Thank you for writing -- I appreciate your common sense. You've been contributing to this column almost as long as I have been writing it.

Take good care of yourself, Howard. I need you.

DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter in your column from Polly Schrock, asking about couples who had lived 100 years or longer, I had to write.

Our friends and neighbors, who lived one mile from us for years, lived longer than that.

W.A. Fullingim lived to be 110 years old. He was born July 7, 1855, in Mount Vernon, Texas, and died Aug. 6, 1965, in Lawton, Okla. On his 100th birthday, I baked him a chiffon cake, and I subsequently baked him 11 more until his death.

His wife, Nancy Ellen Fullingim, lived to be 103 years old. She was born Nov. 1, 1860, in Decatur, Texas, and died on April 25, 1964. (I made four cakes for her, starting when she was 100 years old.)

The Fullingims had celebrated their 84th wedding anniversary in August 1963. They lived on their ranch in western Comanche County from 1917 until their deaths. They are buried in Lawton. They had three children and three grandchildren, but no great-grandchildren. The immediate family is gone. -- DELORES CALLEN, HOBART, OKLA.

DEAR DELORES: Thank you for the input. I'll be very surprised if anyone can beat the Fullingims' record for longevity or marriage.

DEAR ABBY: I am getting on in years and have been widowed since 1986. I have many nice things and wonder if I should give them to my children now, so they can enjoy them. I have little use for these lovely things, and there is more chance of them being stolen if I keep them.

What should I do? -- WONDERING IN MISSOURI

DEAR WONDERING: I once answered that question this way: Do your givin'

While you're livin'

And you'll be knowin'

Where it's goin'.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)