DEAR ABBY: My wife and I recently took my 80-year-old mother-in-law to see her ancestral village in Ireland. On our return trip through Wales, my mother-in-law fell and broke her hip, which necessitated a partial replacement and a three-week stay in the hospital. In attempting to pay the hospital bill, we were advised by Medicare that it does not cover injuries or illnesses sustained outside of the United States!

Needless to say, this revelation was devastating to us, since my mother-in-law lives on a small Social Security income.

I have talked to more than 20 people since we got the bad news -- and have found only three who were aware of this exemption.

Abby, it would be a public service if you publicize this fact as a warning to others who plan to travel outside the country. -- STEVE CRAWFORD, CHAMBLEE, GA.

DEAR MR. CRAWFORD: People on Medicare should discuss purchasing supplementary medical insurance, which will provide coverage while they are in another country.

Those who are not on Medicare should make certain their health insurance policy provides coverage while they are out of the country. Many plans do provide some type of coverage, such as emergency services, but each plan varies, and it is up to the individual to find out what his or her plan offers.

Most insurance brokers and agents have an insurance guide that lists the various plans and the coverages they offer. If you are unable to obtain one from a broker or agent, contact your state insurance department or state insurance commissioner's office for a guide.

DEAR ABBY: Last September, my son was talking on the phone when a blood clot stopped his beating heart forever. It was a terrible shock to all of us.

Many friends and neighbors brought in food for our family. However, some neglected to put their names on the containers, so now I have several nice bowls and pans, and I don't know to whom they belong. I am too embarrassed to start telephoning people in an effort to learn who brought what.

Abby, please advise your readers that when taking food to a bereaved family, they should write their names on the containers so they can be returned to the owners.

Thank you from a grieving mom. -- WISCONSIN RAPIDS, WIS.

DEAR MOM: My heart goes out to you and your family on the loss of your beloved son. Realizing our mortality, we all expect that one day we will bury our parents, but having to bury a child is surely one of life's most heartbreaking experiences.

Thank you for writing to remind people who bring food to bereaved families to be sure their names are on the containers so they can be returned. Or better yet, bring food in disposable containers.

BARBERSHOP TALK: The famous French comedian Fernandel went to a new barber. Excited at having such a prominent customer, the barber almost danced around him and could hardly do enough. Finally, when he had finished, he got a mirror, held it behind the famous head and whispered, "Is that all right?"

Frenandel looked at him sternly and replied, "Almost -- just a little longer in the back, please."

DEAR ABBY: About your suggestion to parents to get an IOU for the money they lend to their adult children: I will make a deal with you -- if you will promise not to try to practice law, I will promise not to write any "advice to the lovelorn" columns.

An IOU has no legal value whatsoever! Think about it. All it states is that one party owes another party money, and it does not involve any promise to pay it back by a certain date, etc.

There is nothing sadder than having a couple of old, retired people come into my office with a handwritten IOU on a piece of paper. The last couple had given their son $30,000 and wanted me to collect it for them.

Abby, first, parents should NOT lend their children money unless they can afford to lose it. Second, they should at least have a promissory note secured by a mortgage, etc. And you should stress that this can be wiped out by bankruptcy!

Please correct your column at once before more people fall prey to their children's greed.

Do we have a deal? -- MAX D. RYNEARSON, ATTORNEY AT LAW, INDIANAPOLIS

DEAR MAX: Shake! It's a deal.

DEAR ABBY: You often print letters about what not to say to someone you know who is hurting, when a friend or acquaintance is recently divorced, widowed, unemployed, etc. The things that are most often said are labeled "insensitive."

Abby, those lists of insensitive statements make people feel very self-conscious about saying anything at all for fear it will be resented.

Please print a list of things for people to say. You did this for "Grieving," and I really appreciated it.

There are times when not saying anything makes people very uncomfortable. We want to be able to say SOMETHING. -- PUZZLED IN ST. PAUL

DEAR PUZZLED: When people have suffered a loss, the caring thing to do is to acknowledge it. Keep it simple: "I'm sorry about your loss," "Please accept my sympathy" or, "I heard about your misfortune and I'm so sorry" are all acceptable.

There may be times when silence is uncomfortable, but it is preferable to saying something that may be inappropriate. The mistake that people most frequently make is to ask for details -- or to compare the loss to one of their own. When people are hurting, a hug, a warm handshake, or just being available to listen can speak volumes.

DEAR ABBY: The Lake Elsinore, Calif., parents who donated little Patricia Ann's organs helped three other families. Patricia, a 5-month-old baby, died Jan. 10, about 13 hours after she and her mother were struck by a car.

Patricia's heart went to a 2-month-old boy in Alberta, Canada. A 16-month-old boy in San Francisco received Patricia's liver. The mother of two sons in Pennsylvania received Patricia's kidneys.

What an admirable and humanitarian thing to do. It would be wonderful if more people gave much-needed organs to an organ procurement center. Knowing that some good came from their tragedy would help families cope with their loss.

Abby, please publish this message so that more people will consider organ donations. -- VIRGINIA IN ESCONDIDO, CALIF.

DEAR VIRGINIA: Patricia's parents are to be commended for their generosity in giving three people the gift of life in the midst of their own overwhelming grief.

I can think of no finer tribute to the memory of a loved one.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am living with a man I'll call Steve and his 17-year-old son, "Charles." We plan to marry in four months. I love Steve very much, but I can't handle Charles. I lived with my stepmother from the time I was 11 until I was an adult, and believe me, I know what it's like.

Charles' mother lives nearby. She's a heavy drinker, which is why she can't keep him, and he doesn't want to live with her. At first, everything went fairly well. I tried hard to get along with Charles, but he took advantage of me. I recently put my foot down, and now I'm the "wicked old witch."

Charles dropped out of school, stays out all night, has girlfriends spend the night, and his bedroom is so filthy the door must remain closed because of the smell. He works full time, and I feel that if he's not going to school, then he should pay rent and do his share around the house. That was the rule when I was growing up, and it worked.

Part of my problem is that I can't get his father to enforce any rules; when I try to talk to him, he either says, "Well, Charles is only 17" or, "I don't want to talk about it." It's putting a strain on our relationship.

Abby, I am childless, so maybe I am too strict. I was not raised the way Charles is being raised -- meaning no control at all!

I've loved Steve for six years and I don't want to lose him. Abby, am I being a "wicked witch"? -- TIME BOMB IN MESA, ARIZ.

DEAR TIME BOMB: Charles is screaming for help. His mother is an alcoholic, his father can't control him, and you are without parental experience. What you are attempting to do for Charles is correct -- but he may not appreciate it for years. Go to the library for books on stepparenting and blended families.

Also, make an appointment with a family counselor and insist that Steve and Charles go with you, and don't take "no" for an answer.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter's boyfriend gave her an engagement ring on St. Valentine's Day. They had been going together for three years, so it wasn't exactly a surprise to our family or his.

Well, her boyfriend's mother went ahead and put the announcement of their engagement in the local newspaper. Abby, my question to you is: Is it the business of the fiance's mother or the mother of the bride to put the announcement of the engagement in the local newspaper?

I am not going to sign my name because I don't want any hard feelings with my daughter's future mother-in-law. She is a very nice person, but she did this without saying anything to me about it. -- MOTHER OF THE BRIDE

DEAR MOTHER OF THE BRIDE: The etiquette authorities on whom I rely -- Letitia Baldrige, Emily Post and Miss Manners -- all agree that the mother of the bride should contact the local newspaper to publish the engagement announcement.

YOUR CHUCKLE FOR THE DAY: "The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again." -- ERMA BOMBECK

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)