DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a wonderful man for a year and a half. We're very much in love and agree on almost everything, but there is one issue upon which we disagree. It's the telephone. He says who he talks to and what they discuss is none of my business. I say he's wrong.

I was brought up to believe that if you are in a close relationship, you don't tell your partner that anything is "none of your business." Abby, I let him know who calls me without his asking. If he's the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with and he keeps things from me, the marriage won't last.

He says if the conversation doesn't pertain to me -- or to our relationship -- he doesn't have to tell me who he's talking to. (There have been times when he's said that a "friend" called, or that he's talking to "one of his family members." But he doesn't use names.)

I feel this is sending out mixed signals.

Who is right and who is wrong? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN TENNESSEE

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: There is wisdom in the very old ditty: "Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies." If he is talking on the telephone to a friend or relative and the content of his conversation doesn't have anything to do with you or your relationship with him, it is none of your business. However, when you question him and he refuses to give you a straight answer, it is bound to raise questions and create suspicions.

DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Recent Divorcee, Nauvoo, Ala.," the woman who experienced the painful loss of her family and friends after her divorce, was excellent.

She had learned in a divorce support group that this "abandonment" is a common experience among divorced women. I thought it might help "Recent Divorcee" to know that abandonment is not associated exclusively with divorce. It's also a common occurrence when a person suffers a terminal illness.

Those of us who have received this treatment refer to it as "ghost syndrome." It's as if we have already died! We disappear from the guest lists of friends planning parties, and it seems as though our names have been erased from their phonebooks.

I realize this may be a defense mechanism for many people, a way of easing the grief that awaits them. For others, confronting serious illness makes them too mindful of their own mortality.

Fortunately for me, my family was open enough to realize they had been inadvertently inching me out of their lives. I have been less blessed with my "friends." Only one close friend has stuck by me. But I have resolved to initiate new friendships. People who are uncomfortable with my limited future are not the kind I need to be spending my time with anyway.

I am one of the lucky ones. I have a wonderful husband and terrific children. My heart goes out to those who are more alone than I.

As you wisely advised "Recent Divorcee," when something catastrophic changes your life -- like divorce, the death of a loved one, or having to face your own mortality -- it's time to adjust and rebuild. With effort, we can find ways to turn a bad situation into something better. I wish her the best in doing so. -- SHIRLEY GRANDAHL, WINDSOR LOCKS, CONN.

DEAR SHIRLEY: Your attitude in the light of such challenging circumstances is impressive. Perhaps your letter will help "Divorcee" and others to view the unexpected changes in their lives more positively. God bless you and your family.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY CHINESE READERS: Gung Hay Fat Choy! (Happy New Year!)

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: I received many gratifying thank-you letters from those who were a part of Operation Dear Abby '95. Some samples:

DEAR ABBY: I am a chaplain with the Third Battalion, Twelfth Marine Division on Okinawa, Japan. I was very moved a few days ago as numerous letters and packages were delivered for "Any Service Member." I would like to thank all those who participated in that wonderful program.

It is true that the holidays can be difficult when we are away from home, but such an outpouring of affection from the American public makes us realize how important our jobs are. The average age of the Marines I minister to is 19. Most have just graduated from high school within the past year. You can imagine the adjustment that's necessary for teen-agers to spend this time of year away from their families.

All you have done through our Operation Dear Abby/America Remembers campaign is greatly appreciated. Please keep all of your service members around the world in your prayers this year. God bless. -- LT. FREDERICK A. MC GUFFIN, CHC, U.S. NAVY

DEAR ABBY: Once again, Operation Dear Abby has lifted the spirits of those in the military who are far from home during the holidays. This past week almost every soldier in my unit found a card or letter in his or her mailbox.

This is the first time I have received a card through your program. I am from Sioux City, Iowa, and have been in the Army for 17 years.

Our heartfelt thanks to you, Abby, and to all of your fantastic readers who took the time to write. -- A THANKFUL SOLDIER, TAEGU, KOREA

DEAR ABBY: Regarding Operation Dear Abby, I want to thank you for giving your readers the APO addresses for our servicemen and women overseas.

Since we live in Annapolis, Md., and are involved with the sponsor program at the Naval Academy, I decided to mail a box of goodies to the South Pacific APO.

Well, today we received a wonderful gift -- it was a letter of thanks from the crew of the Submarine Group Seven. It was signed by all the officers and crew, who expressed their appreciation for the Christmas package.

I shall continue to write to them and, in a month or so, I'll mail them another box of goodies.

God bless you, Abby, for allowing civilians to do something nice for the dedicated young men and women who serve our country. -- LOUISA AND SHELDON NOBLE, ANNAPOLIS, MD.

DEAR LOUISA, SHELDON, CHAPLAIN MC GUFFIN AND "A THANKFUL SOLDIER": Thank you for the kind words, but the credit belongs to my readers who work so diligently every year to make this project such an overwhelming success.

CONFIDENTIAL TO SICK AT HEART IN SOUTH BEND: It's time to stop grieving and start living. Your problem reminds me of an old Chinese tale: "One tear met another tear floating down the river. Said the first tear, 'I am the tear of the woman who lost her love.' The other tear replied, 'And I am the tear of the woman who got him.'"

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In a recent column, "S.O.S. (Sleepless Over Safety)" expressed concern that her mother-in-law had little knowledge of child safety, and she was fearful of leaving her 2-year-old twins in her care.

You advised "S.O.S." to seek safety training for her mother-in-law and mentioned several sources. I would like to add another -- the American Heart Association.

AHA offers a Pediatric Basic Life Support course. It is a combination of child and infant safety, CPR and obstructed airway procedures. In a few hours, anyone can learn to handle a pediatric emergency.

I know a new mother who had just finished the course and excitedly told both sets of grandparents about it. Looking forward to caring for their new grandchild, all four enrolled in the next class. As soon as they had completed the course, the grandparents gave the new mom and dad their first (worry-free) night without the baby.

If your readers call 1-800-242-8721, they will be routed to an American Heart Association division office where trained staff can offer information on training availability, as well as on heart disease and strokes. We spend no money on advertising, so a mention in your column will help spread the word. -- PAUL GIGUERE, AMERICAN HEART ASSOCIATION, MANCHESTER, CONN.

DEAR MR. GIGUERE: I'm happy to mention such a worthwhile organization. Parents, grandparents and anyone involved in child care should take note. AHA also urges persons at high risk for heart attacks and their spouses to learn CPR. It can mean the difference between life and death.

DEAR ABBY: I just returned from the post office after mailing a letter to my aunt in New Zealand. While there, I thanked the two women who work for the postal system. I told them that it never ceases to amaze me how a letter can get across this vast country of ours in one or two days. I thanked them for a postal service that is unmatched by any country in the world. I cannot get letters to France in a timely manner. I pray over letters to Milan, Italy, and Cairo, Egypt.

Most Americans have no idea what it's like to deal with a postal service that is slow and unpredictable. Excuses can be invented to confiscate one's mail in another country -- or you may get your mail, but with a few items missing.

Everyone in the U.S.A. should thank our hard workers for doing a grand job. In fact, I think we should designate the day after Christmas as "Thank Your Postal Worker Day."

These men and women work and move like highly trained soldiers in combat. So please be nice to them and say, "Thank you for a job well done." Because it is my real name, you may sign me ... LIGHTFOOT IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR LIGHTFOOT: Speaking as one who receives bushels of mail daily -- I couldn't agree more!

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)