DEAR ABBY: I would dearly love to see the inside of the homes where my grandmother and parents lived when I was a child. They were farmhouses with no indoor plumbing and, at one time, no electricity. I understand that my grandmother's house has been completely modernized, and I can see from the outside that an addition has been built onto it.

My question: Would it be out of line for me to go to the door, identify myself, and ask to be taken on a tour of the house? I can't call ahead to make an appointment because I don't know who lives there. Also, I'm always on vacation when I'm in the area, and I can't make an appointment for the next week or month.

This is rural country; people are not as fearful of strangers as they might be in the city, and I can tell them enough about their house to convince them that I once lived there.

I have asked a few friends what they would do if a stranger came to their door and asked permission to see their house. Some said they would permit entry. Others said, "No way!"

Abby, please ask your readers what they would say. And why. -- CALVIN IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR CALVIN: Provocative question. Readers?

DEAR ABBY: This is the first time that I have written to you. Maybe you won't think this idea is important, but here goes anyway:

I have to exercise daily. I walk for health reasons. While I was out walking one day, I suddenly realized that I was not carrying any means of identification on me. I also noticed that other people I passed (or that passed me) didn't seem to, either, due to the outfits they were wearing.

I thought that if I passed out or was accidentally hit by a car or a falling object, who would know who I was, or if I needed any special medication due to my condition?

I now make sure that I carry a means of identification on me everytime I leave home. And I hope that you think this is worth printing for people who job or walk. -- ROBERT BRINKMAN, BELCHERTOWN, MASS.

DEAR ROBERT: It is. And I did. Thank you.

DEAR ABBY: In response to "True Story, Palm Beach, Fla." -- the case where a tuxedoed pair of con men made off with the wedding gifts brought to a country club reception -- may I add:

Bringing wedding gifts to a reception is boorish and bad manners. Wedding invitations are always sent a month before the wedding, giving the guests plenty of time to select and send wedding gifts to the bride's home. This not only allows the bride a head start on her thank-you notes (always a headache after the honeymoon), but it frees family members or friends from the irksome job of standing by the gift table at a time when everyone else is having fun. And then there is the massive job of hauling gifts back to the family home.

Let's return to the thoughtful good manners of yesteryear; send the gifts ahead of time. Maybe the following line added to the wedding invitation would help: "Please do not bring gifts to the reception." -- OFF MY CHEST

DEAR OFF: I agree that hand-carrying wedding gifts to the reception places an additional burden on the bride. However, a "line" on the wedding invitation asking that no gifts be brought to the reception would be out of line.

To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a year and three months. We're serious about each other and I plan to move in with him eventually. He's seven years older than me, divorced, and has a daughter I'll call Suzy. He doesn't get to see her much, which really hurts him. He has pictures of Suzy all over his apartment, which is OK because it's important for him to remember her.

What bothers me is the picture he carries in his wallet: It's one of Suzy and his ex-wife together. I could understand it if it was the only recent picture he had of Suzy, but he has others of just Suzy that were taken at the same time.

Quite recently, he found some pictures of other guys stashed away in a drawer at my place. I knew it bothered him, so I tore them all up in front of him, hoping it would make him realize that he is the only one for me. Now I feel it's his turn. He has other pictures of his ex-wife, but the one in his wallet bothers me the most. Should I ask him to get rid of that picture, or just pretend it doesn't bother me? -- BUGGED

DEAR BUGGED: Don't ask him to get rid of that picture, and don't pretend it doesn't bother you. Say nothing for the time being, and if you and he are ever man and wife, that would be the proper time for you to ask him to please remove the picture of "that other woman" from his wallet. Like it or not, she will always be the mother of his daughter, so you can't demand that he erase her from his memory.

DEAR ABBY: Some time ago, you printed a short item about the usage of a "guest towel" in the bathroom, and how it wasn't used but should be.

I make these towels and give them for gifts, but I lost the copy I first found in The Wichita Eagle -- and which I love to include with the gifts.

Could you please publish the little poem again? -- MILDRED LUTZ, WICHITA, KAN.

DEAR MILDRED: With pleasure. The author of the poem is Mabel Craddock of Ventura, Calif., who grew weary of having her guests dry their hands on toilet paper, bath mats and even her curtains -- leaving her pretty little guest towels untouched. Here it is:

A GUEST TOWEL SPEAKS

Please use me, Guest;

Don't hesitate.

Don't turn your back

Or vacillate.

Don't dry your hands

On petticoat,

On handkerchief,

Or redingote.

I'm here to use;

I'm made for drying.

Just hanging here

Gets very tiring.

Most teen-agers do not know the facts about drugs, AIDS, and how to prevent unwanted pregnancy. It's all in Abby's new, updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: Five years ago today, Cary Grant died -- just seven weeks before his 83rd birthday. Not a bad score. He couldn't have written a better ending himself.

Gary Grant was a superstar in every sense of the word. He wore his stardom with grace and dignity, and for all his fame and adulation, he remained incredibly unspoiled.

In his later years, he made occasional appearances in theaters around the country, billed simply as "A Conversation with Cary Grant." He didn't need much advertising; one small ad would appear in the local newspaper, and the house was immediately sold out.

Everywhere he appeared, he received a standing ovation simply for walking out on the stage. He had no routine; he just sat perched on a long-legged stool in the center of the stage with a spotlight beamed on his famous face, and for two hours he answered random questions from the audience. They loved it. And so did he.

He closed his "conversation" with a piece he called "A Meditation," saying he didn't know who wrote it, but it expressed his own sentiments about growing older. It also expresses mine. And here it is:

"Now Lord, you've known me a long time. You know me better than I know myself. You know that each day I am growing older and someday may even be very old, so meanwhile please keep me from the habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion.

"Release me from trying to straighten out everyone's affairs. Make me thoughtful, but not moody, helpful but not overbearing. I've a certain amount of knowledge to share; still it would be very nice to have a few friends who, at the end, recognized and forgave the knowledge I lacked.

"Keep my tongue free from the recital of endless details. Seal my lips on my aches and pains: They increase daily and the need to speak of them becomes almost a compulsion. I ask for grace enough to listen to the retelling of others' afflictions, and to be helped to endure them with patience.

"I would like to have improved memory, but I'll settle for growing humility and an ability to capitulate when my memory clashes with the memory of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that on some occasions, I may be mistaken.

"Keep me reasonably kind; I've never aspired to be a saint ... saints must be rather difficult to live with ... yet on the other hand, an embittered old person is a constant burden.

"Please give me the ability to see good in unlikely places and talents in unexpected people. And give me the grace to tell them so, dear Lord."

P.S. DEAR READERS: Many books have been written about Cary Grant, but if you want to read the only authentic history of his life and loves, get the book "Evenings With Cary Grant" by Nancy Nelson, published by Morrow. It's an absolute treasure.

By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)