DEAR ABBY: I am a 39-year-old divorced man. My ex-wife and present girlfriend are the only women I have ever had sex with, and both are extremely flat-chested. Therefore, I have never touched -- or even seen -- breasts of any size except in pictures.

Sometimes this bothers me, and I find myself staring at women with large breasts. My girlfriend is very understanding about this and even suggested that we go to a nudist camp so I could get an eyeful.

Abby, do you think going to a nudist camp would get this problem out of my system, or would it just aggravate it?

My decision depends on your reply. -- MISSING OUT IN L.A.

DEAR MISSING OUT: Your girlfriend's "understanding" is admirable, but nudist camps are not peep shows. They are for people who sincerely enjoy the freedom of camping out in the buff. You will find naturalists -- entire families -- at nudist camps.

There are legitimate theaters that offer adult entertainment wherein you can see what you want to see.

DEAR ABBY: Your column about "no-shows" (people who do not show up at a wedding reception after having accepted) struck a raw nerve with me. I was recently married, and we had 40 no-shows at our reception.

We included postage-paid response cards with every invitation, and about 60 percent responded to those. I did a lot of telephoning, and held off the final count to the caterers until two days prior to the wedding. At that time I had to make the final florist order (for every table of eight there was a centerpiece) as well as the final champagne amounts for toasting. We figured that this cost us $1,000 extra.

To this day, we have only found out that one woman was ill, a man didn't get home from a business trip, another man left his wife, and one couple had the flu.

Only one couple informed us personally that they were unable to attend -- three hours prior to the ceremony. At the reception, we learned that another couple had separated and he was too upset to attend.

Abby, please don't use my name or city; I'm hopeful this will alert some other folks, and there will be fewer no-shows. -- AFFRONTED NEWLYWEDS

DEAR NEWLYWEDS: I wish! I have yet to hear how readers felt about my suggestion concerning no-shows at a catered affair: "Since the food is already paid for, why not pack up the goodies and take them home or to a homeless shelter?"

CONFIDENTIAL TO "HANGING IN THERE" IN HOLDENVILLE, OKLA.: I admire your fighting spirit, but an artist knows when a painting is finished, and a wise woman knows when the affair is over. Accept it with grace, and save face.

By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Recently I attended the wedding of a good friend. Because I am a photojournalist by trade, she asked me if I would videotape her wedding, and I gladly agreed.

The wedding was beautiful and the reception went smoothly until the bride's father stopped the band to make an announcement. He said he had "lost" his wallet, which contained $1,500 with which he had intended to pay the band. He said if anyone found the money, it could be returned simply by leaving it in the men's lavatory, and no questions would be asked. No money was turned in.

The following day, I looked over the footage I had taken at the reception and was astonished to see that while filming a couple's conversation, in the background was the GROOM removing a wallet from the evening coat of the bride's father!

Now I don't know what to do. The couple is away for two weeks on their honeymoon. Should I tell my friend? Should I tell her father? Or should I just keep it to myself?

For the bride's sake, please do not use my name or address. -- NO NAME, NO ADDRESS

DEAR NO NAME: Call the bride's father and invite him to view the lovely video you took of his daughter's wedding -- and you won't have to tell anybody anything.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's brother's wife continuously flirts with my husband. She finds excuses to hug on him or be in his face.

I have spoken to my husband and asked him not to respond to her flirtations. He has backed off a little, but says he can't help it if she is always coming up to him.

Would I be wrong to speak to my sister-in-law about this and ask her to kindly stay out of my husband's face? -- JEALOUS IN RICHMOND, VA.

DEAR JEALOUS: Your husband is a grown man and a free agent. If he wanted to discourage the advances of his sister-in-law, he could easily do it with a few well-chosen words spoken in earnest.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem I don't know how to solve. Many years ago, my husband and I became good friends with another couple. We have both had families since then, and have exchanged birthday and Christmas gifts.

In recent years we have grown apart, both in friendship and in miles. I would like to stop the exchange of gifts, as our friendship has definitely gone by the wayside, but I don't know how to approach the couple with this suggestion without offending them.

Any help you can give me would be greatly appreciated. -- NOT CHEAP, JUST PRACTICAL

DEAR PRACTICAL: Be absolutely up front with this couple. Come Thanksgiving, write a note to say that you are thankful for friends with whom you can be completely honest, then suggest: "From now on, let us exchange only Christmas cards -- no gifts." I assure you they will not be offended. Trust me.

Hot off the press -- Abby's new booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: When I was in high school, I used to smoke a pack of cigarettes a day. After I graduated, I went to work in a nuclear plant where smoking wasn't permitted, so as a safe alternative, I started dipping snuff.

Well, it wasn't as safe as I thought it was, because I became addicted. Dipping snuff is the first thing I do in the morning and the last thing I do before I go to bed.

I've noticed that my gums are receding and my teeth are spreading apart. I now have a permanent dent in my mouth between the cheek and gums where the snuff sets.

When I see my friends who are beginning to dip, I show them what's happening to me, but it doesn't seem to impress them. Even though I am now so addicted I'm doing two cans a day, I try to get them to quit. I guess some people will have to learn the hard way, like I did.

I hope this letter stops at least one person from dipping. It's just as bad a habit as smoking. Maybe worse. -- ONE HOPELESS GUY

DEAR HOPELESS: It's commendable that you are trying to save others, but how about starting with yourself?

Call the American Cancer Society (the toll-free number is (800) 227-2345) and ask what kind of program is available for people who are hooked on dipping snuff -- then join it.

If you can kick the habit, you will make an excellent spokesperson for the former "big dippers." Nobody can inspire others who are hooked on a habit and want to quit like the person who's been there.

DEAR ABBY: A year ago last spring I became engaged to a girl I thought was the most beautiful blonde in Illinois.

I am an officer in the reserves, and when my unit was put on alert last summer, I wanted to get married right away instead of waiting until June as we had planned. My fiancee said, "No, let's not hurry things." I gave her an engagement ring that set me back $2,500.

We wrote to each other, and I called her every Sunday. She kept telling me she couldn't wait to be married and always told me that she loved me.

Suddenly, after Christmas, I got a letter from her saying that she had been seeing an old boyfriend -- she was pregnant and had to get married!

When I got back home, I saw her and asked her to give the ring back. She stalled at first, then told me she had sold it because her husband is a free-lance photographer and he doesn't work much.

My parents said, "Be a gentleman and consider the ring your wedding present to her."

Abby, they really do need the money, but now I feel as if I've been slapped in the face twice by her. What do you think? -- SLAPPED AGAIN IN CHICAGO

DEAR SLAPPED: She should have returned the ring as soon as she knew she was not going to marry you. You were extremely generous to consider the engagement ring her wedding present. After the snow job she gave you, a lesser man would have demanded the ice.

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