DEAR ABBY: Recently I attended the wedding of a good friend. Because I am a photojournalist by trade, she asked me if I would videotape her wedding, and I gladly agreed.

The wedding was beautiful and the reception went smoothly until the bride's father stopped the band to make an announcement. He said he had "lost" his wallet, which contained $1,500 with which he had intended to pay the band. He said if anyone found the money, it could be returned simply by leaving it in the men's lavatory, and no questions would be asked. No money was turned in.

The following day, I looked over the footage I had taken at the reception and was astonished to see that while filming a couple's conversation, in the background was the GROOM removing a wallet from the evening coat of the bride's father!

Now I don't know what to do. The couple is away for two weeks on their honeymoon. Should I tell my friend? Should I tell her father? Or should I just keep it to myself?

For the bride's sake, please do not use my name or address. -- NO NAME, NO ADDRESS

DEAR NO NAME: Call the bride's father and invite him to view the lovely video you took of his daughter's wedding -- and you won't have to tell anybody anything.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's brother's wife continuously flirts with my husband. She finds excuses to hug on him or be in his face.

I have spoken to my husband and asked him not to respond to her flirtations. He has backed off a little, but says he can't help it if she is always coming up to him.

Would I be wrong to speak to my sister-in-law about this and ask her to kindly stay out of my husband's face? -- JEALOUS IN RICHMOND, VA.

DEAR JEALOUS: Your husband is a grown man and a free agent. If he wanted to discourage the advances of his sister-in-law, he could easily do it with a few well-chosen words spoken in earnest.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem I don't know how to solve. Many years ago, my husband and I became good friends with another couple. We have both had families since then, and have exchanged birthday and Christmas gifts.

In recent years we have grown apart, both in friendship and in miles. I would like to stop the exchange of gifts, as our friendship has definitely gone by the wayside, but I don't know how to approach the couple with this suggestion without offending them.

Any help you can give me would be greatly appreciated. -- NOT CHEAP, JUST PRACTICAL

DEAR PRACTICAL: Be absolutely up front with this couple. Come Thanksgiving, write a note to say that you are thankful for friends with whom you can be completely honest, then suggest: "From now on, let us exchange only Christmas cards -- no gifts." I assure you they will not be offended. Trust me.

Hot off the press -- Abby's new booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: When I was in high school, I used to smoke a pack of cigarettes a day. After I graduated, I went to work in a nuclear plant where smoking wasn't permitted, so as a safe alternative, I started dipping snuff.

Well, it wasn't as safe as I thought it was, because I became addicted. Dipping snuff is the first thing I do in the morning and the last thing I do before I go to bed.

I've noticed that my gums are receding and my teeth are spreading apart. I now have a permanent dent in my mouth between the cheek and gums where the snuff sets.

When I see my friends who are beginning to dip, I show them what's happening to me, but it doesn't seem to impress them. Even though I am now so addicted I'm doing two cans a day, I try to get them to quit. I guess some people will have to learn the hard way, like I did.

I hope this letter stops at least one person from dipping. It's just as bad a habit as smoking. Maybe worse. -- ONE HOPELESS GUY

DEAR HOPELESS: It's commendable that you are trying to save others, but how about starting with yourself?

Call the American Cancer Society (the toll-free number is (800) 227-2345) and ask what kind of program is available for people who are hooked on dipping snuff -- then join it.

If you can kick the habit, you will make an excellent spokesperson for the former "big dippers." Nobody can inspire others who are hooked on a habit and want to quit like the person who's been there.

DEAR ABBY: A year ago last spring I became engaged to a girl I thought was the most beautiful blonde in Illinois.

I am an officer in the reserves, and when my unit was put on alert last summer, I wanted to get married right away instead of waiting until June as we had planned. My fiancee said, "No, let's not hurry things." I gave her an engagement ring that set me back $2,500.

We wrote to each other, and I called her every Sunday. She kept telling me she couldn't wait to be married and always told me that she loved me.

Suddenly, after Christmas, I got a letter from her saying that she had been seeing an old boyfriend -- she was pregnant and had to get married!

When I got back home, I saw her and asked her to give the ring back. She stalled at first, then told me she had sold it because her husband is a free-lance photographer and he doesn't work much.

My parents said, "Be a gentleman and consider the ring your wedding present to her."

Abby, they really do need the money, but now I feel as if I've been slapped in the face twice by her. What do you think? -- SLAPPED AGAIN IN CHICAGO

DEAR SLAPPED: She should have returned the ring as soon as she knew she was not going to marry you. You were extremely generous to consider the engagement ring her wedding present. After the snow job she gave you, a lesser man would have demanded the ice.

Want your phone to ring? Get Abby's booklet, "How to Be Popular" -- for people of all ages. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.

DEAR ABBY: I read in a recent column about the Midland (Texas) Community Spirit Award honoring American communities for distinguished caring service.

While it is fitting that truly good people should be honored, may I suggest a different award -- for the community that most shames America by its total lack of decency and humaneness. I nominate Hegins, Pa.

Every Labor Day, this little town invites its citizens to a family outing that features a live pigeon shoot.

As the pigeons (which have been confined in small boxes) are released, and the disoriented birds attempt to achieve flight, they are shot down by the town's "sportsmen." The birds that are not killed instantly -- but merely wounded -- then have their necks twisted and broken by young boys trained for this occasion.

Their slogan this year was "Shoot pigeons -- not drugs!" (As though the only sensible alternative to shooting drugs is shooting pigeons.)

Let's hope public awareness and outrage at this unbelievable cruelty will finally bring an end to this "sport," which the Pennsylvania legislature has refused to stop. -- ASHAMED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ASHAMED: I hope so, too, but don't bet on it. In 1986, I wrote to then-Gov. Dick Thornburgh (who was until recently U.S. attorney general), asking him to please put an end to this shameful sport. He shot me down with a courteous letter defending the live pigeon shoot as a time-honored tradition.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 35 years. We are both over 60 and have a good marriage, except for one thing -- he is much more interested in sex than I am. When I turn him down, he gets upset and accuses me of not loving him. Abby, I do love him, and this is the only thing we disagree about.

I would like to know more about saltpeter. I know it can be purchased in a drugstore, but does a person have to have a prescription to buy it? Does it have any side effects other than the one wanted? Also, can it be slipped into food or drink without detection?

I would appreciate a speedy reply. -- TIRED IN UTAH

DEAR TIRED: I consulted my friendly neighborhood pharmacist, Dave Powells. He said, "Saltpeter, also know as 'potassium nitrate,' can be purchased over the counter without a prescription, but it should not be slipped into food or drink because it can cause violent gastroenteritis. It could raise one's blood pressure to a dangerous level. Also, prolonged exposure to saltpeter may produce anemia, nephritis (kidney disease) or methemoglobinemia (blood disorder). A cold shower might cool the husband's ardor."

DEAR ABBY: For the grandma who loaned her grandson $500 and is having a hard time collecting any part of it: Write him a note at Christmastime and say, "In lieu of a Christmas gift, I am subtracting $100 from the $500 you owe." It works for me. -- N.M. IN PALM SPRINGS, FLA.

Most teen-agers do not know the facts about drugs, AIDS and how to prevent unwanted pregnancy. It's all in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)