DEAR ABBY: I read with interest the letter from Amanda's mother, who was concerned for Amanda's safety when visiting grandparents who have an unfenced swimming pool. She said she realized that a fence is expensive, and asked how she could let her in-laws know how important a fence is to save the life of a child.

The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission is very concerned about child drownings. In 1987, more than 300 children under the age of 5 drowned in residential swimming pools and spas. This does not even count the thousands who survived near-drowning, some with permanent brain damage.

I certainly agree with everything you said in your reply. There is no substitute for constant adult supervision. Pool owners should learn cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) to be prepared just in case. We would like to add our recommendation for a fence at least 4 feet high with a self-closing and self-latching gate. This is an important additional layer of protection.

Drownings happen quickly -- a child can drown in less than 3 minutes -- and more often than not the child is unable to cry out for help. Fencing the pool is a valuable extra measure pool owners can take to deter a child's access to the water.

We offer to your readers our free brochure, "Children and Pools: A Safety Checklist." Send your request on a postcard to: Pool Safety Checklist, U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, Washington, D.C. 20207. -- CAROL G. DAWSON, COMMISSIONER, CONSUMER PRODUCT SAFETY COMMISSION

DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter from "Andy's Mother" who was disappointed in her son because he wanted to do manual labor and work with his hands instead of getting a college education.

Abby, my husband is 26 years old and has been a bricklayer for nearly seven years, and he is far from stupid. He not only lays bricks, he is sometimes the foreman and has to read blueprints for large buildings.

I wonder how many men Andy's mother knows who make $45,000 a year without a college education.

My husband works 40 hours a week, and I am able to stay home and take care of our own children. I know a lot of "professional" people who put their children in day care because one income is not enough to raise a family.

I'm proud of my husband. He may work with his hands, but he also has to work with his head or he wouldn't know what to do with his hands. If it weren't for people like my husband, we would all be living in tents with no electricity or plumbing. -- A MASON'S WIFE IN HARTFORD, CONN.

DEAR MASON'S WIFE: The mail was heavy on this subject. A Waco, Texas, reader wrote in to say that he worked with his hands, but he also had eight years of college. He was a dentist.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to: Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

DEAR READERS: October has traditionally been Down Syndrome Awareness Month, and has been so declared by the National Down Syndrome Congress.

Because I have so often heard from parents or grandparents of babies born with various disabilities, I thought that the following might be helpful.

It is important to remember that no one can predict at birth how far your child will go, or what your child will be able to achieve. Therefore, each child should be given the opportunity to reach his or her full potential -- whatever that might be.

For information on Down syndrome, and to be put in touch with the local Down syndrome organizations, contact the National Down Syndrome Congress, 1800 Dempster St., Park Ridge, Ill. 60068-1146; telephone: (800) 232-6372.

Readers, because one of the most difficult tasks parents of a Down syndrome child must face is making the initial announcement to family and friends, I offer this beautiful birth announcement as a guideline.

On the birth of their second daughter, Hannah Marie, Greg and Janet Roy of Mesa, Ariz., sent the following announcement:

"July, 1990

"Dear Friends and Family: Our beautiful second daughter, Hannah Marie, was born July Fourth. We want to add a personal note to this announcement because we would like you to know that Hannah was born with Down syndrome.

"In the last few days, we have experienced many ranges of emotions and have learned a great deal about all the positive ways Down syndrome can affect our daughter and our family.

"Hannah is a beautiful, responsive baby, and we hope you will accept her into your hearts without pity or reservations. Please don't feel that you have to pretend that she is `normal,' and please feel free to ask us any questions you may have about her.

"With God's help, we hope Hannah will grow up strong and healthy. We want you to share in the joy of her progress along the road to maturity. She may travel that road a little more slowly than the others, but we will consider each new milestone in her life a blessing.

"Though our hurt and disappointment may still be fresh, we know that God has placed Hannah in our home and in our hearts for a very special purpose. We also know that our lives will be enriched by all the special gifts Hannah was meant to bring to her friends and family. Her presence has already filled our home with much happiness. Please celebrate her birth with us. Sincerely, Greg, Janet and Emily"

DEAR ABBY: After reading the following item in the newspaper, I no longer hand-carry gifts to weddings:

"Two gentlemen, handsomely attired in tuxedos, appeared at a fashionable wedding at a country club. The guests on the bride's side assumed the gentlemen had been invited by the groom's family, and the guests on the groom's side assumed they had been invited by the bride's family. The tuxedoed gentlemen took charge of all the wedding gifts by placing them on a table near the cloakroom. During the evening, the gentlemen transferred all the wedding gifts to a van, and that's the last anyone saw of the gentlemen -- and the gifts." -- TRUE STORY, PALM BEACH, FLA.

By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Like many others, I never thought I'd be writing to you. My husband and I have been married for 20 years. About two years ago, he started getting very bullheaded and selfish -- even the people at work mentioned it.

Our sex life was always OK until about two months ago, when he bought a video camcorder and announced that he wanted to videotape us having sex! Abby, I have never been a prude, but that's where I draw the line. I tried to talk him out of it, but he said he would not have sex with me again unless it was on film.

I asked him to go to counseling with me. He refused -- saying I was the one with the problem. I asked him to have a medical checkup. He refused. I tried to tell him how degrading it would be for me, etc., but to no avail. He has been badgering me every night for two months!

I am at my wit's end. I am sick to death of his badgering, and I don't know what to do. I've even thought of divorcing him, but I still love him, and we are just approaching the time when we could travel and enjoy life. I'm signing my real name, city and state, but please don't use them in your column, as I would be very distressed if anyone we knew found out about this. -- LIVING A NIGHTMARE

DEAR LIVING: You surely know that your husband is a sick man. You absolutely must get him to a doctor for a psychiatric evaluation. Please don't treat this as anything other than a potentially life-threatening illness. Your husband's behavior could be symptomatic of a brain disorder (possibly a tumor). You must talk to your family physician about your husband's sudden personality change. And please write again and give me a progress report.

DEAR ABBY: Maybe you can shed some light on a problem that has been bothering me. Can you tell me why my husband, who is nearly 70 (but in excellent health), has in recent years become more and more "allergic" to soap and water?

Many of my friends of approximately the same age have confided to me that they have the same problem with their husbands. Is there a psychological or physiological explanation for this behavior -- or is it just another way men have of aggravating their wives? -- COLUMBUS, GA.

DEAR COLUMBUS: I have heard this complaint before, but it applies to women as well as men. There is no single explanation, but I offer the following: As a person ages, one's senses -- hearing and sight -- grow dull, so why not the sense of smell as well?

Some older people may find it difficult or inconvenient to bathe daily. It's also possible that they do not change their undergarments daily. Arthritis might also make it painful to wash themselves thoroughly.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "GOT IT BAD IN HARTFORD, CONN." Please send "Mr. Wonderful" on his way. There is no situation as hopeless as a single woman who's got it bad for a married man who never had it so good.

"How to Be Popular" is an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)