DEAR ABBY: It hurts to be criticized for not having left an abusive mate after the first time the abuse occurred.

You consistently advise your readers to seek help from their minister, priest or rabbi. It is my sincere hope that the counselors in the church are more enlightened today than the one my ex-husband and I saw in the late 1960s.

After taking considerable physical abuse from my husband, I threatened to leave him unless he sought counseling with me. He finally agreed, and we went together to our clergyman. After I described the many episodes of brutal beatings that put me in the hospital, my minister reminded me that the Bible said, "Turn the other cheek."

Abby, this minister had one of the largest congregations in this country. Of course, my husband continued to beat me, thinking it was his right as the head of the household, and I was convinced that the church knew best. Thank God, I finally came to my senses and divorced the bully. -- NO NAME OR TOWN, PLEASE

DEAR NO NAME: Obviously, you no longer subscribe to the biblical injunction to "turn the other cheek." There is hardly a passage in the Old or New Testament that hasn't been interpreted in more ways than one.

I would never advise turning the other cheek if the first one was black and blue. Nor would MOST clergy in the 1990s.

DEAR ABBY: The enclosed appeared in the South Bend (Ind.) Tribune's editorial section titled "Voice of the People." It was good for a chuckle in the newsroom; perhaps your readers also might find it amusing. It was submitted by James R. Inwood of South Bend. -- KAREN MURPHY, INDIANAPOLIS STAR

DEAR KAREN: This exchange of letters typifies the particularly subtle form of communication that parents and children often share:

DEAR DAD: Thing$ are pretty good here at $chool, but they could be better. $ome thing$ are needed mo$t de$perately. I hope you can gue$$ what I mean and $end $ome $oon. -- Your loving $on

DEAR SON: NOthing is new here. I kNOw that you are doing better NOw than you have been. Write aNOther letter soon. I want to get this off in the NOon mail, so I'll sign off NOw. -- Love, Dad

CONFIDENTIAL TO LOST AND HELPLESS, THE 14-YEAR-OLD GIRL WHO WROTE FROM TORONTO, CANADA: You have done nothing wrong, so, please, do not be embarrassed to tell your parents -- or a school nurse! Your brother needs help immediately, or he may become a full-fledged child molester. You did not give me your name or address or I would return the money you sent. I cannot accept it. My advice is free. Please write again.

Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a BIG problem. I am getting married on Nov. 23. My fiance and I are having a wedding reception with more than 200 guests. There are NO children invited.

According to the etiquette books that I have read, it is not proper to put "No Children" on your wedding invitations. (Mine are already printed up the proper way.) Anyway, one of my aunts is upset because her son and his wife have a 2-year-old boy who has cerebral palsy and some mental retardation. They claim that they cannot get a baby sitter for the boy and that they are bringing him to the wedding. They brought him to a family wedding last year, and everyone was buzzing about it.

I don't understand why they can't get a sitter. They have plenty of time to find one. And I don't want you to think that we don't want the boy there because he has a disability. (My fiance also has a physical disability.) But it is not fair to my fiance's family, some of whom have small children, too.

How do I handle this? I have already told my aunt "No" in so many words. She's one of those hardheaded people who wants her way all the time, and I am determined that she is not going to win this time. I don't even understand why she is getting involved when it is her son and daughter-in-law's place to talk to me about it. -- PRESSURED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PRESSURED: Wait until your cousin and his wife respond to your wedding invitation with the number of guests that will be in their party. If they put down more than two, then you have every right to call your cousin's wife and explain to her that this is an adults-only affair. You are right -- there is ample time for them to arrange for a sitter. And if they can't find one, then they should send their regrets instead of bringing an extra guest for whom their hosts are not prepared -- which is the height of rudeness.

DEAR ABBY: You once published a piece in your column about a little girl who had died. She was ascending to heaven with her lighted candle, but her mother's tears kept putting the candle out.

Would you please print it again? We recently lost a child, and I keep thinking about that column but am unable to locate it anywhere.

Abby, thank you for all the helpful columns you have written over the years. -- LINDA DOUGHERTY, CHINO HILLS, CALIF.

DEAR LINDA: My heart goes out to you; please accept my condolences.

You must be a longtime reader. The last time I printed that item was December 1984. Here it is:

Losing a child is the most tragic experience a parent must bear. But one must believe that it is more than a coincidence that God and Good are similar words. Here is a little story one of my readers sent me:

There once was a procession of children marching in heaven. Each held a lighted candle, and as they marched, they sang. Their faces shone with happiness. But one little girl stood alone.

"Why don't you join us, little girl?" one happy child asked.

"I can't," she replied. "Every time I light my candle, my mother puts it out with her tears."

By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been happily married for nearly five years and have two adorable children. We are each other's best friend, get along great, and have a terrific sex life.

My problem: When a sexy-looking woman comes on TV, I change the channel. This infuriates my husband like you wouldn't believe. He is normally not a violent man, but he gets so angry he looks like he'd like to strangle me! This is the only thing we ever fight about. I can't stand to see the way he looks at women with low-cut dresses or miniskirts.

Yesterday, he was watching a beauty pageant, and when all the girls came out in their bikini bathing suits, I thought his eyes were going to fall out of his head!

Abby, can you blame me for changing the channel? -- JEALOUS

DEAR JEALOUS: Yes. If your marriage has survived five years of channel-changing because of your jealousy, your husband must love you very much.

Grow up. The problem isn't your husband's -- it's yours. Since you can't stand to see him appreciating the sight of a provocative female on TV, you should leave the room.

DEAR ABBY: I have had this problem for years, and it keeps getting worse: my teeth.

I have no dental plan and I'm unemployed right now. Abby, I hide my teeth 24 hours a day. If someone talks to me, I turn my head and pretend to be interested in something to one side, so he won't see my teeth. I don't even brush my teeth in front of a mirror because I get too depressed. I often have dreams about my teeth falling out with all my friends watching and laughing. It's a living nightmare.

Abby, I feel like my life is going nowhere. If I could just get my teeth fixed, a whole new world would open up to me. Meanwhile, I'm ... KEEPING MY MOUTH SHUT

DEAR KEEPING: Schools of dentistry (as well as state and local dental societies) operate dental clinics where low-cost -- or free -- dental care is available for those who qualify.

Your county dental society should be listed in your telephone directory. And any dentist can refer you to the nearest dental college.

Do not delay. Your general health can be undermined by infected gums and decaying teeth.

DEAR ABBY: A friend gave me an idea she said came from your column years ago that solved the "thank-you note" problem in her family. I use it with my two children and it works!

They may not spend the money, play with the toy or wear the clothing until their thank-you notes are written. I began this practice when they were too young to do it for themselves. Now, my 5-year-old dictates his note to me and I write it verbatim (which amazes him) and then he signs it! My 9-year-old does it herself.

I have tried to remind them if they were the sender, they would like to know how the recipient felt about the gift -- or even if it arrived. -- LINDA BYZEWSKI, KINGMAN, ARIZ.

To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)