DEAR ABBY: I am a secretary and have been for some years now. But recently, I started working with a new company, and I have one major problem with one of the higher authorities (who isn't my boss/supervisor) who uses me as her personal secretary -- and I do mean personal. She has me doing her income taxes, her daughter's income taxes, her lease, etc., and making coffee. The last duty is extremely irksome.

Yes, I am supposed to assist her, as directed by my boss. But he means as an aide, not a maid. I do not like coffee, therefore I don't drink it -- so why do I have to make it? I really don't think coffee-making is in any secretarial job description.

I really would like to tell her to do her own personal things and make her own coffee, but she's very sneaky and I fear she might go behind my back and tell my boss some off-the-wall story. How do I handle this without jeopardizing my job or any future references I may need when I decide to change jobs in the future? -- NO PERSONAL SECRETARY

DEAR NO PERSONAL SECRETARY: If you are comfortable with your own boss, talk with him confidentially. Keep the level professional, and calmly explain what this lady is asking you to do, specifically. Tell him that the woman's personal requests are cutting into company time and productivity.

From there on it is the responsibility of your boss either to direct you to fulfill this lady's requests or not. But remember, it is the boss's responsibility to speak to this "higher authority" -- and not yours.

DEAR ABBY: I need to settle a dispute concerning proper telephone etiquette. When someone telephones me and I am not at home, my brother asks if there is a message. If there isn't one, he terminates the conversation.

I say he should ask who is calling, so that I will, at least, know who called. As it stands, when I get home all I am told is, "Someone called -- and he didn't leave a message."

My brother insists he has no right to ask more than, "Do you care to leave a message?" He says it would be rude -- an invasion of privacy -- to ask more.

I say it is acceptable to ask, and if the caller does not wish to leave his name, he can say no. Who is right? -- D.K. IN CONN.

DEAR D.K.: It is not rude to inquire, "Who is calling, please?" But the problem could be easily resolved by using the following routine:

The telephone rings. Your brother answers it. The caller asks, "Is 'Donna' there?"

Your brother replies, "May I ask who is calling, please?"

If the caller does not wish to leave his or her name, the stock reply will be, "Never mind, thanks, I'll call back later." (Then he will hear the dial tone.)

But nine times out of 10, the caller will give his name if asked before he's told whether the party he's calling is home or not.

Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother is a native of Mexico. I don't know if you are familiar with the medical-pharmaceutical practices in Mexico, but they are very "relaxed." In Mexico, my mother was a midwife. She assisted the local doctor, but she has had no formal training. She has lived in America for 30 years and fully understands the laws of being a citizen.

I recently learned that my mother is giving injections to people who seek her out. These people obtain the medication in Mexico and my mother has a syringe. A relative brought her children over to be injected with so-called vitamins, so I asked her why she was doing this. She said, "The American doctors are afraid to cure people quickly."

I said nothing more to anyone; then I told my mother that if she continued to practice medicine without a license, I would turn her in. She laughed and said that she would stop. I know my mother and doubt that she will stop.

Abby, I don't want to turn her in. Other family members agree that what she is doing is wrong, but they think it's none of my business. Their attitude and my mother's actions appall me, but I don't want to visit her in jail. Please answer in the paper. -- CONCERNED DAUGHTER IN FRESNO

DEAR CONCERNED: I consulted my personal physician, Dr. Jaime Paris, who practiced at the Mayo Clinic for 20 years. He said: "Regardless of what the laws are in Mexico City, the woman is breaking the law here. Furthermore, if the needles she uses are not properly sterilized, she could be spreading all kinds of diseases. Inform her emphatically and immediately that no one should be giving shots unless supervised by a doctor of medicine or osteopathy."

DEAR ABBY: Whatever happened to dinner? Everyone here in my section of Florida eats "supper," never dinner, in the evening. Isn't it correct that if you have lunch at noon, you have dinner at night? Or if you have dinner at noon (as farmers do), then supper is a light meal in the evening?

Even the "Golden Girls" on TV refer to their dinner as "supper," and it's obvious they are not eating their dinner at noon. -- FLORENCE KRUEGER, BAYONET POINT, FLA.

DEAR FLORENCE: Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary defines "dinner" as "the principal meal of the day." And "supper" is defined as "the evening meal, especially when dinner (the principal meal of the day) is taken at midday." "Supper" is also described as "a light meal served late in the evening."

So, technically, you are correct. But if local or regional custom dictates that the evening meal be called supper -- then the word from here is, Don't argue with the natives, or you might wind up eating your words regardless of the hour.

By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have read so much about divorced parents creating problems at their kids' weddings that I had to write and let you know what happened at mine.

My parents divorced when I was 2 years old. For years, I heard Mother and Dad bad-mouth each other. And I went for years without seeing my father because of their dislike for each other.

Then, when I was in my early teens, my parents started mending fences, and I got to know my father better. I soon realized that Dad wasn't such a bad guy after all.

OK, I am now 21 and have just married a wonderful young man. Dad got married last year and the hostility between my parents just seemed to evaporate!

I got the nicest present anyone could have given me. My mother and my stepmother gave me a surprise bridal shower -- together! Mom insisted that Dad give me away at my wedding, and she and Dad stood together at my side to give me their blessings.

My stepmother insisted that Mom and Dad sit together at the wedding dinner. My parents laughed and danced together and everyone had a super time. I didn't have to ask anybody to please be nice for my sake. There were genuine good feelings. I get emotional just thinking about it. Sign this ... DREAMS CAN COME TRUE IN TEXAS

DEAR DREAMS CAN COME TRUE: What an upper your letter is! Your parents (and stepmother) showed rare maturity, sensitivity and generosity. Few children of divorced parents are as fortunate. Lucky you!

DEAR ABBY: This is the first time I have written, but I thought you might find this letter of interest.

When my daughter informed me more than a month ahead of time that she and her husband planned to give me a big 80th birthday celebration, I remembered a letter that appeared in your column several months ago, from a woman who requested that all of her "gifts" go to the local food bank.

Well, the party was a huge success. More than 70 guests attended, and 145 pounds of food and $137 in coins and checks were donated. My photograph appeared in the local paper and I received bouquets of flowers from the local flower shop and radio station -- with congratulations for having given my "birthday gifts" to the food bank!

What a wonderful feeling to know that I have helped the hungry through these very difficult times. It was so worthwhile.

It would make me very happy to hear that many others would do the same. Just sharing the occasion with my wonderful friends was present enough for me. -- HELEN IN OTTAWA, CANADA

DEAR HELEN: Congratulations on your 80th! May you celebrate many more and continue the spirit of giving. This letter may inspire others to celebrate their birthdays by encouraging others to give to those who are hungry.

To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)