DEAR ABBY: I had my eyes examined by an ophthalmologist who should have had his head examined. I am considering sending HIM a bill for services inadvertently rendered. Let me explain:

Dr. Toad (not his real name) must think that his female patients are so preoccupied with their eyes that they will not notice that the doctor's knee, arm, chest or whatever is pressing against them with more than ordinary pressure in this dark and very quiet examining room. (Actually, my knee was being sexually assaulted.)

Had I said anything, he would have feigned unawareness of any undue familiarity and accused me of having a dirty mind. So, I decided to handle this in my own way. From now on, anyone who treats me like a lady for hire will get my bill in the mail.

Any comment? -- RUBBED THE WRONG WAY

DEAR RUBBED: Yes. Anyone, male or female, who feels that a professional is behaving unprofessionally should speak out immediately on arriving at that conclusion.

And should it happen a second time, a letter of complaint should be addressed to the county medical association.

DEAR ABBY: That snob who wrote to you, fearing that her uneducated in-laws might corrupt her son's English, was abominable. There are many more important things in life than correct grammar.

My late father, the son of Jewish immigrants, had to quit school at 14 to go to work. He and my late mother went on to become very successful businesspeople who sweated blood to educate their children.

I have always felt that what my parents achieved with very little education is far more impressive than what I have achieved.

My father's grammar may not have been as good as mine, but he was by far the better man. He was also highly respected in his community.

That snob who wrote to you, fearing that her uneducated in-laws might corrupt her son's English, should get off her high horse. Self-made people like her uneducated in-laws -- and my parents -- have a lot more to offer than some people who collect diplomas and degrees.

I would give everything I own if I could hear my parents talk in their poor English for only one more hour.

You may definitely use my name. -- CHARLES S. LIPTON, M.D., BOXBORO, MASS.

DEAR ABBY: Just a note to thank you for publishing information on how to find a long-lost relative through the Salvation Army.

I did just that, and they found my brother -- not in this country, but in Scotland! He and our mother had a reunion after 39 years! Abby, it's all because of your column. How can I thank you? -- LOU FARTHING IN WASHINGTON

DEAR LOU: You just did.

By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My problem is my wife. She will not go to the doctor for regular checkups. She is 43, a professional, and we are not poor.

We have no children. She is apparently healthy, but she refuses to go for checkups, Pap smears, mammograms, etc. Her last visit to a doctor was at least eight years ago. (She also rarely goes to a dentist.)

I have yelled, threatened, cajoled, asked nicely, clipped newspaper and magazine articles concerning the necessity for women to get regular checkups -- nothing works. I go to the doctor regularly and I'm sure she realizes it's important, but she will not do it.

We have been married for 13 years. I love her very much and would like to grow old with her. What can I do? -- OUT OF IDEAS

DEAR OUT OF IDEAS: Short of hog-tying her, there is nothing you can do. Every intelligent person realizes that routine periodic checkups (physical and dental) are essential to maintaining good health, and early detection in case there is a problem has saved many lives.

All you can do is pray that your wife continues to be one of the lucky ones.

DEAR ABBY: I know that you probably don't think that you need another hiccup cure, but let me assure you that I have used this trick now for nearly 10 years, and I am usually very successful.

I was convinced after the development of the Heimlich maneuver that it was possible to eliminate annoying hiccups with a simple maneuver without the need for sugar, water, pencils, etc., which may not always be available on short notice.

I have suffered with hiccups for years. I get them easily, and I have mastered this technique so well that I usually can eliminate them in one attempt -- and I can do this anywhere, anytime.

This is all you have to do: Focus on your breathing -- do not get distracted; take several deep breaths (hold the last one for as long as possible); then, before you exhale, swallow. Novices may need four or five tries -- but it gets easy with practice. Concentrating on the breathing and swallowing before you exhale are the keys to success.

I hope that you will pass this on to your readers. You may call it "Marie's Maneuver" or "Beyer's Remedy," but whatever you call it -- it has been invaluable to me, and I am sure it will be appreciated by those who try it. -- MARIE BEYER, EAST BRUNSWICK, N.J.

DEAR MARIE: I have been carrying your sure cure for the hiccups around for weeks, hoping to put it to the test, but I haven't had the hiccups. (Perhaps just carrying the "cure" has been a preventative?)

If one of my readers tries it and finds it helpful, please let me know.

To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The letter from Marvin H. Leaf, D.D.S., who listed some prominent people who had died of lung cancer, struck a very painful chord within me.

Dr. Leaf mentioned Steve McQueen among those who had died as a result of smoking. Abby, Steve McQueen died of a malignant pleural mesothelioma, which is almost always due to long-term exposure to asbestos and is completely unrelated to smoking. I understand that Mr. McQueen at one time worked as an automobile brake repairman, which would have exposed him to asbestos on a daily basis.

My mother was a physician and the director of health for Alamance County, North Carolina. She was also a tireless crusader for good health habits. Two years ago, she died of malignant pleural mesthelioma. My mother never smoked nor was she exposed to asbestos, and we have no idea why she developed lung cancer.

I certainly do not appreciate Dr. Leaf's implication that all lung cancers are the result of smoking and should be so publicized in the obituaries of the deceased.

You will no doubt hear from many other families who were equally offended by Dr. Leaf's misinformation, and I am sure that as usual you will set the record straight. -- JILL B. KOURY, M.D.

DEAR DR. KOURY: Thank you for writing. I tried to locate Dr. Leaf, who is now retired and has an unlisted telephone number. I hope that after this appears in my column, he will write again and set the record straight.

DEAR ABBY: I think Dr. Leaf was absolutely correct when he said the public has the right to know the cause of death when a prominent person dies.

At 35 years of age, I have already lost a father and my best friend to lung cancer from smoking. Meanwhile, some members of my family continue to smoke.

I only wish that we non-smokers could do more to help those nicotine addicts kick the habit. Actually, the ones I would really like to fight are the tobacco companies. -- BEEN "CLEAN" FOR FOUR YEARS

DEAR "CLEAN": Congratulations, but please don't blame the tobacco companies. We live in a country where people have a right to choose, and adults are responsible for the choices they make.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing for the four of us who are widows. We would like to know the proper time to stop wearing our wedding rings. Is it proper to continue wearing them as long as we are not looking for another mate?

We all four have different views on the subject. Please let us know, Abby. I'm sure there are others out there who would also like to know. -- WONDERING WIDOWS

DEAR WONDERING: A widow who has no interest in looking for another mate may continue to wear her wedding ring on the third finger of her left hand; it will serve as a very effective "stop" sign should a single man find her attractive. (Not always -- but usually.) Widows who want to date again wisely switch their wedding band to the other hand or retire it to the jewelry box.

Hot off the press -- Abby's new booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)