DEAR ABBY: Please tell "B in Dallas" her confession about faking orgasms made my day, my month, my year! I know that God will forgive me this small deception. Actually, it's an act of kindness; it makes my husband feel so virile and masculine. I truly love him, so it's no great sacrifice on my part. -- MISSOURI FAKER

DEAR ABBY: Why "fake it"? Enjoy it! I was married to the same man for nearly 50 years and my sex life died when he did. I'm a great-grandmother now, but if I could find a nice clean man between 70 and 80, believe me, I wouldn't have to fake it. Please don't use my name. I live in a senior citizens complex, and if my neighbors knew I wrote this, they'd have a coronary. -- CITRUS HEIGHTS, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: All the world is a stage, and everybody fakes enjoyment of something at some time. Some husbands fake enjoyment of opera, the symphony, ballroom dancing and other activities their wives relish. Unselfish people are accustomed to accommodating others. -- A MALE'S PERSPECTIVE

DEAR ABBY: I simply submit to sex as my wifely obligation to "service" my lusty husband. To him, sex is just another bodily function. I always leave the lights on so I can read something until he's finished. -- SUBMITTING, NOT FAKING

DEAR ABBY: Hooray for "B in Dallas" for admitting she's "faking it." I'm a 55-year-old woman, married for 33 years, and I've had enough sex to last me a lifetime. But I'm starving for love! -- BEL AIR FAKER

DEAR ABBY: I don't have to fake it anymore "just to get it over with." Sex is great now that the kids are out of the house and I'm no longer on the Pill. -- PARADISE VALLEY, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: Those fakers out there should quit blaming the man. If they have to "fake it," they just aren't willing to figure out what feels good -- and then explain it to their partner. The man is going to have a good time whether she fakes it or not.

Woody Allen once said, "The first organ a person must use to achieve sexual satisfaction is the brain." -- TOM IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ABBY: I am a 55-year-old woman and have been married twice, and I'm not sure I've ever experienced an orgasm. Oh, I may have had one once when I was 17, and I was so overcome, I nearly blacked out. It's just as well it never happened again. -- MARIE IN MADISON

Want your phone to ring? Get Abby's booklet, "How to Be Popular" -- for people of all ages. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.

DEAR ABBY: I've been waiting for years to see a letter like the one from "B in Dallas." (She said she faked orgasms.) I'm glad to know I'm not the only woman who does this. Now I'll feel less like a freak. Please print all the letters you get on the subject. -- SACRAMENTO FAKER

DEAR FAKER: I could not believe the volume of mail. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Of course I fake it. All women do. I adore my husband, but he couldn't find my erogenous zone with a road map, so I go through the motions to keep from hurting his masculine ego. -- DESERVES AN ACADEMY AWARD

DEAR ABBY: Most men have the rabbit habit: hop on, hop off. Athletes know that in order to perform well they must warm up first, perform, then cool down. The act of making love is no different. If men followed these instructions, women wouldn't have to fake it. -- MIDWEST COACH

DEAR ABBY: My darling is 65 and he's still making it. I'm 63 and still faking it. When I read about these men who are still active at 85, I shudder. I don't think I could survive another 20 years of this. Dear God, don't they ever wear out? -- LONG ISLAND FAKER

DEAR ABBY: Married for 22 years. Been faking it for 20. -- CHATTANOOGA "ACTRESS"

DEAR ABBY: I fake it just to get it over with. Sex never was as important to me as it is to my husband -- but it's so good for his ego, I'd never let on that all my wild carrying on was an act. We've been married for 44 years. He's faithful and so am I, and ours is a loving, solid marriage. -- CANADIAN FAKER

DEAR ABBY: I am 33 and my husband is 28. He's a wonderful man but a lousy lover. I don't dare get him too excited or it's all over before it's begun. We've been married for six years and we really love each other, so I can live with it. -- FAKING IT IN ST. PAUL

DEAR ABBY: My neighbor and I were discussing our inadequate sex lives over coffee one day. She said she often "fakes" orgasms with her husband, then I confessed that I also did with mine.

We decided to massage each other, and found it more satisfying than our husbands' efforts. Our husbands don't know the difference, and we are ... TWO WIVES HAPPY AT LAST

DEAR ABBY: Your reader thinks most women "fake it." Well, here's one who doesn't have to. Even though my husband is 79 and I'm 76, sex is still fun. We love to have our children visit us for a day or two, but when they leave, I put the red satin sheets on the waterbed, turn on some soft music and don my sexiest nightie. Then, let the fun begin. Believe me, faking isn't necessary. -- HAPPY HONEY IN HONOLULU

(More "fakers" tomorrow.)

Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I speak for the people who are in wheelchairs permanently, having been in one myself for a short time following a head injury.

Recently, I went to a concert in the park. I noticed a man in a wheelchair struggling to get to the dancing area. As he approached people, he would reach out as far as he could with his better hand. He was rejected time after time -- or just plain ignored.

Finally, my heart just couldn't take it anymore, so I walked over to him, took his hand and started swinging it back and forth to the rhythm of the music. Then I "danced" quickly around his wheelchair as I held his hand.

Ordinarily, I am scared to death to perform in front of people, but I was as peaceful and self-assured as I could be.

The only thing I saw was the look of happiness in his face. When the song ended, he pulled me close enough to give me a sweet little kiss on the cheek. After that, others "danced" with him, and he had a wonderful time.

Abby, I ask everyone to treat people in wheelchairs as if they were standing up -- to recognize their courage and realize that they have the same feelings as you do. -- CELESTE RICE, LORANE, ORE.

DEAR CELESTE: Thank you for a letter that warmed my heart and will be appreciated by many.

DEAR ABBY: My problem may seem insignificant compared to some you receive, but I need to air my feelings, and I hope my in-laws see this:

"Harry" and I have been married for 20 years (no children). We aren't poor, but he still gives me a weekly allowance for groceries. I worked the first nine years of our marriage, but I finally quit because all I was allowed to do with the money was make car payments on "our" car, which Harry drove most of the time.

Over the years, my in-laws have given us cards with checks enclosed for Christmas and anniversaries. They just hand the envelope to Harry in front of me, he promptly pockets it, and I never see it again. Once, I noticed that the check was made out for $1,000 to both of us.

If my in-laws ever asked me what we did with the money, I'd tell them the truth, but they have never asked. A few times I've asked Harry, and he said, "I've got it." End of conversation.

Don't mention "divorce," which I have considered a few times, but Harry would kill me before he'd give me a divorce. And lately, there have been times when I wish he would. -- TRAPPED

DEAR TRAPPED: Marriage should be a partnership; yours is more like a master-and-slave relationship. Christmas and anniversary checks from the in-laws should be spent on something you can both enjoy, something for your home or a vacation trip. They should not go into your husband's pocket never to be seen again.

But there's more than material inequality ailing your marriage. Please see a marriage counselor. If Harry refuses to go -- go without him. And if you still would "rather be dead," ending your miserable marriage is preferable to ending your life.

WORTH NOTING: "If the First Amendment means anything, it means that a state has no business telling a man, sitting alone in his house, what books he may read or what films he may watch." -- RETIRED JUSTICE THURGOOD MARSHALL, U.S. SUPREME COURT

What teen-agers need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with their peers and parents is now in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)