DEAR ABBY: Our daughter was married yesterday after some whirlwind planning in which we used your wedding planning book. A question has arisen that was not addressed in the book: Many guests brought their gifts to the reception.

When the gifts were collected to be taken home, the ushers handed the bride's father a stack of envelopes that had been on the gift table. We have no idea whether these envelopes are gifts themselves, or became separated from their packages.

When the newlyweds return from their honeymoon in three weeks, they will have a massive job of unwrapping. What do they do if they find several unidentified packages and assorted cards? How do they match them up to be sure they thank the right guests for the right gifts? -- BARBARA K., KENILWORTH, ILL.

DEAR BARBARA: When the bride returns, she will open the envelopes. Some will probably contain "the gift" (money), and those envelopes that became separated from the gifts will (let's hope) contain cards signed with first and last names.

Write thank-you notes to those you match up with gifts. And telephone (or write) to the others, tell them that their card and gift became separated, then ask them which gift was theirs. Embarrassing? Yes. But that's the price one pays when such accidents occur.

There ought to be a law against hand-carrying gifts to weddings. It imposes a burden on the bride's parents, who must take the gifts home and store them until the newlyweds return.

Wedding gifts should be sent directly to the bride in plenty of time for her to open them and make a record of the gift and the giver, so the giver can be properly thanked.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing this in regard to your column titled "Obituary Relating to Cause of Death Adds to Family's Grief."

Circumstances can sometimes dictate just the opposite. My lovely 19-year-old granddaughter, who lived in another town, was killed in a car accident just three days after her high school graduation -- a few months ago.

When we were making the funeral arrangements, we asked the funderal director to state the cause of death in her obituary. We are well-known in this community, and we wished to be spared the numerous telephone calls asking about the cause of her sudden death.

The funeral director, unfortunately, neglected to follow through on our request, and consequently, we were plagued with calls, which added much to our grief every time we had to relate the circumstances of her death. -- GRIEVING ILLINOIS GRANDMA

DEAR GRANDMA: You make an excellent point. Thank you for taking the time to write. And please accept my deepest sympathy on the tragic loss of your grandddaughter.

By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Ten years ago, I became pregnant with "Joe's" baby. We were going to get married, but Joe got into a jam (armed robbery) and was sentenced to 10 years in prison. Joe is due to get out in two months. Now the problem.

When my baby (I'll call him Gary) was 8 months old, I fell in love with a man I'll call Tony. Tony and I were married, and Gary was raised to believe that Tony is his "real" father. My family and Tony's family know the truth about Gary's "real" father, but nobody ever talks about it. Joe's mother and sister also know the whole story.

My question: Should I tell Gary who his real father is? Tony says he will support my decision.

I'm afraid I will lose Gary's trust if I tell him I have lied to him all these years.

What do you think? -- SILENT FOR 10 YEARS

DEAR SILENT: You had better tell Gary who his real father is before someone else does. It won't be easy, but it's far better that he hear it from you than from someone else, and when three people know a secret, it's no longer a secret.

DEAR ABBY: My beloved wife of 32 years just died of colon cancer, which had spread to her liver. She was 51 years old, healthy and beautiful. My two sons and I are in total shock. My wife had some colon cancer symptoms and was examined by a colon cancer specialist. The doctor proclaimed, "No problems." (She had cancer of the colon at the time of the examination.)

Eight months after the examination, the cancer had spread to her liver. It was finally discovered one year later! She lived with intense chemotherapy and pain for 14 months.

Abby, tell your readers that if they suspect that they have colon cancer, they should demand a complete colon examination, a blood test and A SECOND OPINION.

In my wife's case, the window of life was only eight months. America's dirty little secret is that there are about 1 million new cancer patients, and over half a million deaths from cancer every year.

Abby, please let the common people know. No one else will. -- LOST IN ATLANTA

DEAR LOST: With your help, I just have, and I thank you for coming forward with the statistics, which have been verified by the National Cancer Institute and the American Cancer Society.

DEAR ABBY: Two weeks ago my husband and I were browsing in an antique shop when we came across a white porcelain figurine. On the bottom was stamped "MADE IN USA" -- and in even finer print were the letters "Japan."

Some people may deny that this occurred, but during World War II, I assure you it did.

Now we're sorry we didn't buy that white porcelain piece. We would have loved to take a picture of that lettering and send it to you, Abby. If we ever find another piece, we will. -- G.M.A., PHOENIX

"How to Be Popular" is an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I agreed to give a woman who lives in my apartment building a ride to her doctor's appointment. When she got into my car, I asked her in a gentlemanly manner to please fasten her seat belt. She said she never uses a seat belt because she has a phobia about being confined as the result of a very frightening childhood experience.

I then told her that I had undertaken a liability in accepting her as a passenger, and she would either have to buckle up or bail out. She snapped back, "Don't you carry insurance in case a passenger is injured?" I ignored her question and asked her to please get out of my car. She said I was no gentleman, but she reluctantly fastened her seat belt, and now I have a new enemy in the building.

Do you think I was wrong to have insisted she either buckle up or bail out? -- J.C. IN GAINESVILLE, FLA.

DEAR J.C: You were not wrong. If more drivers were as sensibly safety-conscious as you, there would be fewer "D.O.A." (Dead On Arrival) tragedies recorded.

A California state trooper said, "I have yet to unbuckle a seat belt from a dead person."

DEAR ABBY: I am the cashier at a checkout counter, and I have a few questions and comments concerning the manners of customers:

Why must you run over the person in line in front of you with your cart? The line won't move any faster if you plant your cart against someone's derriere.

Why assume that I make up the prices? The cashier is performing a service. I am not out to rob you.

Why must you leave an expensive steak or roast in the produce aisle or on a magazine rack? It wouldn't ruin my day if you handed it to me saying you didn't want it. (And you wouldn't wind up paying for it later in the form of rising food prices.)

Why will you wait two hours for a ride in an amusement park, yet get impatient if you have to wait 15 minutes in a checkout line? (People in Russia wait all day for a loaf of bread!)

And why do those who complain the loudest about long lines spend 10 minutes looking for an elusive penny, rather than break a $20 bill?

To all you wonderful people who are considerate of those around you, I thank you! Thank you for making me smile when I'm blue and keeping me laughing when my feet hurt. I see a lot of generosity and goodwill among people and it reaffirms my belief that most people are basically good.

Thank you, Abby. I needed to get that off my chest. -- ANY CHECKER, ANYTOWN, USA

CONFIDENTIAL TO "YOUR NEW READER IN PORTLAND, ORE.": True, charity begins at home, but it shouldn't end there.

Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)