DEAR ABBY: My husband and I frequently entertain at home. We have a dog and a cat that we love like members of our family. When we have guests, we always confine our pets in another area before our guests arrive. Many of our friends have told us that they appreciate this because they have a fear of dogs, or cats or both!

Our veterinarian told us that when some people say they "dislike" animals, they actually fear them. For example, if a person who is not used to having pets around entered someone's house and was greeted at the door by a hostile dog barking angrily or a cat that curled around his leg, he could have an anxiety attack!

I happen to have a terrible fear of snakes. I know that not all snakes are poisonous, but just the sight of a snake terrifies me. Yet some people have snakes as pets -- but I cannot imagine a host or hostess allowing a pet snake to slither freely among the guests. Well, the fear of dogs and cats is every bit as terrifying to some people as the fear of snakes is to me.

Our animal-loving friends didn't believe us when we brought this up in conversation. They thought it was an exaggeration, but after questioning others whom they thought merely "disliked" animals, they finally admitted that they were actually afraid of them.

What do you and your readers think? -- ANIMAL LOVERS

DEAR ANIMAL LOVERS: I consulted my animal expert, Dr. Erwin David. He said: "The analogy concerning the snake is a good one. People tend to fear that which they distrust -- and dislike that which they fear."

DEAR ABBY: My friends and I have a problem with which we need help. We wear hearing aids, which makes it difficult to hear people talking on some of the television programs, as the background music and special sound effects are so overpowering, they drown out the voices.

For example, in "Jake and the Fatman," the roar of the ocean is so loud it's impossible to understand what the people are saying. It doesn't help to turn the volume up, and we can't do as President Bush suggests: "Read my lips."

I love music, but loud background music is unnecessary on dramatic shows.

Commercials are a problem, too. They are so loud, they blast the hearing aids out of our ears. (Have you ever tried turning a hearing aid down with barbecue sauce on your fingers?)

The advertisers think they are getting our attention with the extra-loud commercial messages, but most people have remote-control sets, and they just shut the sound off until the program comes on again.

Are many of your readers experiencing the same problems? And who can we contact in the television industry to correct this? -- CORA LAIRD, FORT DODGE, IOWA

DEAR CORA LAIRD: The television sponsors have been dodging these complaints for years. Address your grievances to the sponsors of the programs you watch. And while you're at it, write to the Federal Communications Commission, 1919 M St. N.W., Washington, D.C. 20554.

People are eating them up! For Abby's favorite recipes, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: We in Midland, Texas, owe you a debt of gratitude for informing your 95 million readers about our Midland Community Spirit Award. Each year we honor a community that best represents the American ideal of people pulling together and helping one another.

Last year, we heard from 108 cities in 35 states. The 1990 Midland Community Spirit Award went to Yakima, Wash., for its ongoing war against drug problems.

Past nominees have included: Brownsville, Texas, whose citizens worked shoulder to shoulder for more than 60 hours to clear rubble from a collapsed building in order to rescue the trapped survivors; the good people of Saco and Glasgow, Mont., who graciously fed, clothed and cared for the waylaid passengers of a train derailed in their vicinity; the members of Valley View Methodist Church in Valley View, Texas, who walked from car to car inviting hundreds of stranded motorists to spend the night in their church when a blizzard halted traffic late one afternoon. The townspeople brought whatever they had in their freezers to feed them all. The residents of Colonial Beach, Va., who raised half a million dollars through bake sales and bingo to replace their old school built in 1912.

Abby, we are again seeking nominations for the 1991 Midland Community Spirit Award, which will be presented in November. So please encourage proud citizens to nominate communities that have shown the cooperative, caring spirit during a time of need or crisis.

Thank you for your continued support in making this project a success. -- CARROLL THOMAS, MAYOR, MIDLAND, TEXAS

DEAR MAYOR THOMAS: This past year has been one of the worst for both natural and man-made catastrophes, so there should be an abundance of nominations.

Readers: The deadline is Oct. 15, 1991. So to obtain an official nomination form for the Community Spirit Award, write to: Midland Community Spirit Award, P.O. Box 1152, Midland, Texas 79702, or phone (915) 685-7206.

I'm sure there are many other communities whose citizens rose to the occasion when tragedy struck. Readers?

DEAR ABBY: In the plant where I work, there are seven girls in my department. One of the girls was recently married. I pitched in for a shower gift, but I couldn't attend the shower.

I never did get an invitation to her wedding, but the other six girls got one. Two days before her wedding she mumbled, "Some of the invitations must have gotten lost in the mail, so if you didn't get one, consider this a verbal invitation."

Abby, I didn't have anything to wear, and it was too late to get ready. Do I owe her a wedding gift? -- SLIGHTED IN ASHEVILLE, N.C.

DEAR SLIGHTED: No. Give her your verbal congratulations.

DEAR ABBY: I received your booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It" on July 30, 1991.

You have saved my life. I cried tears of joy for the first time in my 47 years. Before that, they were tears of pain and sorrow.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. God bless you. -- MARY T. GREEN, SANTA MARIA, CALIF.

This one's for everybody, from teens to seniors! To purchase Abby's new booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are the proud parents of a beautiful 16-month-old daughter named Amanda. Now that Amanda is walking, we are faced with a problem. My in-laws, who are great people, have an unfenced swimming pool on their property, and my husband and I feel very uncomfortable having Amanda at their home for that reason. It takes only a few seconds for a small child to escape the watchful eyes of an adult and wander off.

I realize that putting a fence around the pool is expensive, but how can I let my in-laws know how important it is to save the life of a child -- not just any child, but their grandchild whom they adore? -- PLEASE FENCE ME IN

DEAR PLEASE: While a fence would offer a great measure of security, gates have been left open and crawled under -- so don't rely on a fence to keep Amanda safe.

There is no substitute for constant adult supervision. Do not assume that other children -- or even a trusted adult -- will watch your precious child.

Every summer I hear from heartbroken, guilt-ridden pool owners who have had a child drown in their pool. I repeat my plea to all parents to teach their children to swim, to learn all the rules of water safety, and outfit little ones with "life jackets."

And every pool owner should learn cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) -- just in case.

DEAR ABBY: What is happening to our society? Where is taste? What about morals, decency and modesty? What kind of examples are we setting for our children?

For example, I turned on the TV in the presence of my 11-year-old son and his 14-year-old sister, and what do we see? A sleepy-eyed, obviously naked lady in bed with a bedsheet around her, turning to her bed partner -- also naked. She asks, "What did you say your name was?"

Abby, is that the kind of message we should be sending to our young people -- that it's OK to go to bed with strangers? That's bad enough under any circumstances, but with the threat of AIDS, to make casual sex appear acceptable and commonplace is criminal.

Another thing: How about our movie stars proudly announcing that they are expecting a baby? The fact that they are not married -- and have no plans to marry at this time -- doesn't seem to bother anybody.

Also, I'm not suggesting that we go back to the days when pregnant married women took their walks at night so nobody would see them, but I am not ready to see a pregnant woman in her eighth month stark naked on the cover of a magazine.

I don't expect you to have answers for all of the above, but if this is progress, I'm for turning back the clock. -- FIFTYSOMETHING IN PHOENIX

DEAR FIFTYSOMETHING: Amen.

DEAR ABBY: In a recent column, a reference was made to an "upcoming" wedding. Abby, every time I see that word "upcoming," I am reminded of this memo the late Bernard Kilgore wrote to his staff when he was the chief honcho at The Wall Street Journal:

"If I see the word UPCOMING in The Wall Street Journal once more, I shall be downcoming on someone who will be outgoing." -- S.S.M., LOS ANGELES

To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)