DEAR ABBY: We in Midland, Texas, owe you a debt of gratitude for informing your 95 million readers about our Midland Community Spirit Award. Each year we honor a community that best represents the American ideal of people pulling together and helping one another.

Last year, we heard from 108 cities in 35 states. The 1990 Midland Community Spirit Award went to Yakima, Wash., for its ongoing war against drug problems.

Past nominees have included: Brownsville, Texas, whose citizens worked shoulder to shoulder for more than 60 hours to clear rubble from a collapsed building in order to rescue the trapped survivors; the good people of Saco and Glasgow, Mont., who graciously fed, clothed and cared for the waylaid passengers of a train derailed in their vicinity; the members of Valley View Methodist Church in Valley View, Texas, who walked from car to car inviting hundreds of stranded motorists to spend the night in their church when a blizzard halted traffic late one afternoon. The townspeople brought whatever they had in their freezers to feed them all. The residents of Colonial Beach, Va., who raised half a million dollars through bake sales and bingo to replace their old school built in 1912.

Abby, we are again seeking nominations for the 1991 Midland Community Spirit Award, which will be presented in November. So please encourage proud citizens to nominate communities that have shown the cooperative, caring spirit during a time of need or crisis.

Thank you for your continued support in making this project a success. -- CARROLL THOMAS, MAYOR, MIDLAND, TEXAS

DEAR MAYOR THOMAS: This past year has been one of the worst for both natural and man-made catastrophes, so there should be an abundance of nominations.

Readers: The deadline is Oct. 15, 1991. So to obtain an official nomination form for the Community Spirit Award, write to: Midland Community Spirit Award, P.O. Box 1152, Midland, Texas 79702, or phone (915) 685-7206.

I'm sure there are many other communities whose citizens rose to the occasion when tragedy struck. Readers?

DEAR ABBY: In the plant where I work, there are seven girls in my department. One of the girls was recently married. I pitched in for a shower gift, but I couldn't attend the shower.

I never did get an invitation to her wedding, but the other six girls got one. Two days before her wedding she mumbled, "Some of the invitations must have gotten lost in the mail, so if you didn't get one, consider this a verbal invitation."

Abby, I didn't have anything to wear, and it was too late to get ready. Do I owe her a wedding gift? -- SLIGHTED IN ASHEVILLE, N.C.

DEAR SLIGHTED: No. Give her your verbal congratulations.

DEAR ABBY: I received your booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It" on July 30, 1991.

You have saved my life. I cried tears of joy for the first time in my 47 years. Before that, they were tears of pain and sorrow.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. God bless you. -- MARY T. GREEN, SANTA MARIA, CALIF.

This one's for everybody, from teens to seniors! To purchase Abby's new booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are the proud parents of a beautiful 16-month-old daughter named Amanda. Now that Amanda is walking, we are faced with a problem. My in-laws, who are great people, have an unfenced swimming pool on their property, and my husband and I feel very uncomfortable having Amanda at their home for that reason. It takes only a few seconds for a small child to escape the watchful eyes of an adult and wander off.

I realize that putting a fence around the pool is expensive, but how can I let my in-laws know how important it is to save the life of a child -- not just any child, but their grandchild whom they adore? -- PLEASE FENCE ME IN

DEAR PLEASE: While a fence would offer a great measure of security, gates have been left open and crawled under -- so don't rely on a fence to keep Amanda safe.

There is no substitute for constant adult supervision. Do not assume that other children -- or even a trusted adult -- will watch your precious child.

Every summer I hear from heartbroken, guilt-ridden pool owners who have had a child drown in their pool. I repeat my plea to all parents to teach their children to swim, to learn all the rules of water safety, and outfit little ones with "life jackets."

And every pool owner should learn cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) -- just in case.

DEAR ABBY: What is happening to our society? Where is taste? What about morals, decency and modesty? What kind of examples are we setting for our children?

For example, I turned on the TV in the presence of my 11-year-old son and his 14-year-old sister, and what do we see? A sleepy-eyed, obviously naked lady in bed with a bedsheet around her, turning to her bed partner -- also naked. She asks, "What did you say your name was?"

Abby, is that the kind of message we should be sending to our young people -- that it's OK to go to bed with strangers? That's bad enough under any circumstances, but with the threat of AIDS, to make casual sex appear acceptable and commonplace is criminal.

Another thing: How about our movie stars proudly announcing that they are expecting a baby? The fact that they are not married -- and have no plans to marry at this time -- doesn't seem to bother anybody.

Also, I'm not suggesting that we go back to the days when pregnant married women took their walks at night so nobody would see them, but I am not ready to see a pregnant woman in her eighth month stark naked on the cover of a magazine.

I don't expect you to have answers for all of the above, but if this is progress, I'm for turning back the clock. -- FIFTYSOMETHING IN PHOENIX

DEAR FIFTYSOMETHING: Amen.

DEAR ABBY: In a recent column, a reference was made to an "upcoming" wedding. Abby, every time I see that word "upcoming," I am reminded of this memo the late Bernard Kilgore wrote to his staff when he was the chief honcho at The Wall Street Journal:

"If I see the word UPCOMING in The Wall Street Journal once more, I shall be downcoming on someone who will be outgoing." -- S.S.M., LOS ANGELES

To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My recent vacation trip has compelled me to pass along some tips to those who visit our precious national parks -- particularly Yellowstone.

1. Don't bring your dog a1ong -- at least not to Yellowstone; pets are not allowed past one-quarter of a mile on any trail there. I couldn't believe all the dogs I saw locked in cars in 80-degree temperatures! Better check the pet regulations of the park you plan to visit before deciding to bring your dog. (Bears dislike dogs, so you'd be asking for trouble.)

2. Extinguish your camp fires when you leave your site.

3. If an animal wants to cross the road -- let it! You're only a visitor -- the animal lives there, so be polite. (I couldn't believe how many people I saw impatiently blowing their horns to force a buffalo or deer back to the side of the road.)

4. Those lovely wildflowers are not yours -- they belong to everyone; so please leave them there for the next person to admire. Leave the rocks and stones in place, too.

5. If you want a close-up shot of an animal, invest in a camera with a zoom lens. I actually saw 25 or 30 people bounding across a meadow, surrounding a giant elk and snapping away within 50 feet of the beast. (Do they think those animals are stuffed? If they ever get gored, they'll find out.)

6. Believe in signs. If you see a sign that says "Danger" or "Stay on Trail" -- believe it. Everyone acts like he's working for National Geographic. The best picture does not necessarily lie beyond the "No Farther" warning. You're better off settling for an OK shot than not living to see the shot of a lifetime. -- MARY WIESEMAN, INDIANAPOLIS

DEAR MARY: Thanks for the travel tips. Do you mind if I add a tip or two of my own?

1. Don't litter. Carry a folded bag in which to stash your trash.

2. Wear comfortable shoes, sunglasses and sunscreen, and a whistle on a flexible cord around your neck. Be sure your children are outfitted the same way.

3. Keep an eagle eye on your kids at all times.

4. And if you smoke, douse the butt with water to be sure it's out.

"How to Be Popular" is an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)