DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law has never liked me, but time worsens things. She lives in another state, thank God, but she visits often.

Here is my gripe: One week after I gave birth to my second child, Mom was visiting me. I bent over to tie the laces of my firstborn's shoe, and she kicked me in the behind with her pointy-toed Western boot, then she let out a hearty laugh! My husband was right there, and he never said a word to her!

I later told a family friend about this incident and the friend couldn't believe it, so she went to my mother-in-law and asked her. Well, Mom wept hurt, humiliated tears, saying, "Why, I can't imagine why she (meaning me) would want to tell a lie like that and cause trouble!"

Now Mom is coming to visit us again. I told my husband that if that woman pulls any more stunts like kicking me with her Western boots, I will call 911 and have her evicted.

Don't suggest counseling -- it's a farce. My husband lies like his mother, and can double-talk his way out of anything. -- HAD IT WITH ROUGHNECKS

DEAR HAD IT: Don't call 911 -- that's for emergencies, not for a chronic pain in the behind.

Something must be wrong with your mother-in-law, and I think your husband must have inherited it. Just be grateful that "Mom" doesn't wear spurs.

DEAR ABBY: I have been an avid reader of your column for years. I am an African-American male, 30 years of age, who has been incarcerated for almost seven years now, convicted of second degree homicide and sentenced to serve 30 years.

While in the penitentiary, I completed all academic requirements for a B.S. degree in applied psychology.

I very much wish to become a registered nurse. Prior to my incarceration, I had completed two years of nursing school at a local four-year college. I intend to seek another undergraduate degree in nursing upon my release. The question is this: Will my being a convicted felon preclude me from pursuing a career in nursing?

I really do want to help people, Abby. Regretfully, it took this episode in my life to enable me to mature and come to an appreciation of life. I feel that nursing would also assist in my psychological healing as well. I am remorseful and I do regret my past actions. -- H.B.

DEAR H.B.: Each state has its own requirements regarding licensing to practice nursing. Upon your release, write to the State Board of Nursing located in the capital city of the state in which you would like to practice. And if you enclose a stamped envelope, addressed to yourself, your chances for a response may be increased.

Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: A reader asked, "What do you think the parent of a facially disfigured child would want to hear when running into an old friend who has never seen the child before?"

My reply: "Only a person who has walked that path is qualified to answer that question. I hope someone who has will write and let me know. The answer would be helpful to many readers -- as well as to this columnist."

I was not prepared for the volume of mail I received. Some excerpts:

FROM ASHLAND, KY.: "DON'T say, 'Oh, my God! What happened to your child's face?' Brace yourself, then find something positive to say about the baby's bright eyes, lovely head of hair or the outfit the child is wearing. But don't mention the child's abnormality."

FROM LAKE JACKSON, TEXAS: "Do not ignore the child. A child with a deformity can see, hear and FEEL. Bend down and say, "Hi ya, little fella -- what's your name?' Ask his mother if you may pick him up and hold him. The child will feel accepted and the mother will bless you a hundred times in her prayers."

FROM YAKIMA, WASH.: "Don't try to comfort his mother with the 'news' that they are doing remarkable things with reconstructive surgery these days. Be assured that the parents are well aware of what can be done; they also know that it must be done in stages as the child grows. And the child has probably had many surgeries already."

FROM SHELBY, OHIO: "Treat him as you would treat a normal 2-year-old -- not ignoring the deformity, but not making an issue of it, either. This is not hypocritical; neither is it acceptance of it. It puts it in its proper perspective. Forget the 'I'm so sorry' stuff. The mother knows you're sorry -- and so is SHE!"

FROM EAST HARTFORD, CONN.: "Look behind the disfigurement and see the child beneath still too young to know that he is different. (He will learn all too soon.) Treat him as you would treat any other 2-year-old. What you say to the mother doesn't matter. If she wants to bring up the subject of the child's problem, she will, but she would much rather have him treated as a human being than discussed as a medical problem. His disfigurement probably can be cured in time, but the damage to him personally from being treated as less than human may not be."

FROM DALLAS: "God gives these special children something that others will never develop in a lifetime. We've suffered more from prejudice and ignorant remarks than the difficulty of coping with our child's multiple handicaps. One stranger actually said, 'How brave of you to take him out in public instead of putting him away in some institution with people of his own kind.'"

FROM LONG ISLAND: "Thank you, Abby, from the bottom of my heart for opening the door of opportunity for these letters. The public needs to be educated."

CONFIDENTIAL TO "C. IN EVERETT, WASH.": "Thank God every morning when you get up that you have something to do which must be done, whether you like it or not. Being forced to work, and forced to do your best, will breed in you temperance, self-control, diligence, strength of will, contentment, and a hundred other virtues which the idle never know." -- CHARLES KINGSLEY

By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Five or six years ago, you had a prayer for dieters in your column written in the style of the 23rd Psalm. I cut it out of the Rocky Mountain News in Denver. My copy is falling apart. Would you please print it again? -- PATRICIA OWENS, COMMERCE CITY, COLO.

DEAR PATRICIA: This prayer has been around since the invention of the three-way mirror, and here it is:

CALORIE COUNTER'S PRAYER

The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want.

He maketh me lie down and do push-ups,

He giveth me sodium-free bread,

He restoreth my waistline.

He leadeth me past the refrigerator for mine own sake.

He maketh me to partake of green beans instead of potatoes,

He leadeth me past the pizzeria.

Yea, though I walk through the bakery,

I shall not falter, for thou art with me;

Thy diet colas they comfort me.

Thou preparest a diet for me in the presence of mine enemies,

Thou anointest my lettuce with low-cal oil.

My cup will not overflow.

Surely Ry Krisp and D-Zerta shall follow me all the days of my life,

And I will live with pains of hunger forever. Amen.

DEAR ABBY: I think I'm in love with my husband's best friend. (I'll call him Rob.) I have known him almost as long as I've known my husband. Very often, the three of us will go to the movies, bowling, parties, etc. When Rob is with us, I always have a wonderful time. He keeps me laughing, and he's interesting company. When I go out with my husband alone, it's usually dull and boring. It's getting to the point where I'd rather go out with Rob than my husband.

When I know that Rob is out on a date, I get upset and jealous. Some weekends when I'm tired, Rob will come over and fix dinner for me and my husband. He does a lot of nice things for us that my husband will not do.

I think about Rob constantly. This man has never said or done anything to suggest that our friendship is more than friendship. Am I in love with Rob? Or just bored with my husband? -- IN DOUBT IN TEXAS

DEAR IN DOUBT: Perhaps a little of both. However, if you value your marriage, it's time to break up the threesome. You and your husband should investigate outings for couples that offer a refresher course in how to rejuvenate a stagnant marriage. (Check with your church or a local college.)

Want your phone to ring? Get Abby's booklet, "How to Be Popular" -- for people of all ages. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.