DEAR ABBY: More than a year ago, you published a letter from "Mac in Oregon." He told you about his life and his battle with cancer and said he hoped his wife would not spend her life alone after he died.

Well, Mac lost his battle on May 30. He fought long enough to show great courage, but not so long as to destroy those he loved. He was as unselfish in death as he was in life.

I knew Mac for 42 years. He taught me about life, love, truth and mercy, and left me (and others) with sweet memories and a treasure trove of lessons about what is truly important. He wasn't rich, powerful or famous, but he was my dad. Rest in peace, Mac -- we love you still. -- TIM McSWAIN, LINCOLN PARK, N.J.

DEAR TIM: My heartfelt sympathy to you and your family. And now, as a tribute to Mac, I'm printing your father's letter that appeared in my column on April 24, 1990:

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for supporting the widow who started dating three months after her husband died. You were right to say, "The time to show respect for one's spouse is while that spouse is living." Here is my story, and there must be thousands of husbands (and wives) who feel as I do.

My wife and I had many good years together. We raised kids, lived through joyous good times and horrendous bad times.

I am in my 18th month of chemotherapy for various cancers. I may live three months or five years. It doesn't matter how short or long my life will be, but it's reasonable to assume that I will die before my wife does. I have had a more rewarding and fruitful life than I probably deserve, for which I am grateful. But the day I die, my last thoughts will be regret that I shall leave her alone. It's sad to know that after so many months of total concentration on my welfare -- days of putting up with my misery and never letting me see her own misery -- her reward will be to be left alone.

Abby, she is not the kind of person who should be alone. So I tell her now, and I want my kids and all my friends to listen: "As soon as you possibly can after throwing my ashes off the boat into the Pacific, wrap the memories of our life together around you -- and begin a new life. If three days, or three months after I'm gone, you find a man who will love and cherish you for a few years as I have for so many -- go for it! You've earned it." -- "MAC" IN OREGON

DEAR MAC: Your sincerity rings true, leaving me uncharacteristically speechless. Thanks for a two-hankie letter.

Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are taking a two-month vacation, so we advertised in our church newsletter for a house sitter. Our 18-year-old daughter lives with us, so we wanted a female. She works full-time and goes to night classes at our community college.

A 24-year-old girl I'll call Wanda answered the ad. She, her parents and grandparents are members of our church. We told Wanda she could live here for free and save the $100 a month she had been paying her parents for rent. Wanda said that she wanted $50 a month from us. She was the best choice we had, so we agreed.

Yesterday Wanda came over with her parents, and as they were leaving, her mother dropped this bomb: "Wanda has applied for food stamps -- but you will have to sign a paper saying that you are not paying her anything to live in your house."

My husband said, "No problem -- we will sign it."

I do not want to sign that paper. I don't believe in lying -- especially to help a young, able-bodied woman to defraud the government.

My husband professes to be a Christian, and apparently these people are Christians -- as she chided me for not attending church and all that good stuff.

Abby, what do you think about people asking a fellow church member to lie so their daughter can defraud the government? Our plans are made and confirmed, and we are leaving tomorrow; there's no time to find an honest non-Christian to live here. -- DISGUSTED

DEAR DISGUSTED: Shame on those Christian churchgoers for asking you to sign a false statement in order to defraud the government. And your husband should be ashamed of himself for condoning such shenanigans.

DEAR ABBY: My problem is my grandmother. (My father's mother.) Every now and then she says she is not sure that my brother and I are actually her grandchildren. Once, she introduced me to someone this way -- these are her actual words: "These are Wilbur and Thelma's children. Well, anyway, they are Thelma's, but I'm not sure if they are Wilbur's or not."

My mother has asked my father about his mother's insulting introduction, and he just shrugged it off as if it was nothing.

I feel that my father should talk to his mother about this slur on our mother's good name since he has no reason to believe that he is not our father. He refuses to say anything, because according to him, Grandma just means it as a joke.

This is not my idea of a joke, and my brother feels the same way. What is your opinion of a grandmother who would act like this? -- TWO HURT TEEN-AGERS

DEAR HURT: Grandmother could be experiencing mental or emotional problems. If that's not the case, she has a very vicious tongue. Tell her that when she makes such insulting comments about your mother, she hurts you deeply.

By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am glad you agreed with Grandma! Her 11-year-old grandson and 8-year-old granddaughter should not be sleeping with their father -- or each other.

When I was 10 years old, my 12-year-old brother and I were forced to sleep together in one bed at a cousin's house. In the middle of the night I found my brother on top of me! He molested me until I was 17 years old, and to this day I have not told a soul -- including my husband, and we have been married for nearly 20 years.

I am so ashamed of it, that even now if I think of it for a few minutes, it makes me physically ill!

Please, parents, friends, relatives -- don't let this happen to children. I came from a very respectable family, and I am sure that nobody would believe that this happened to me. But it did! -- KEEPING MY SECRET

DEAR KEEPING: Please, don't keep your secret any longer. Contact your local rape crisis center and inquire about counseling and support groups for people who have kept this kind of secret for years. You have nothing to be ashamed of -- you were a victim. Victims should bear no guilt.

In counseling, you will learn that in order to heal, you must confront your brother after all these years and tell him how much pain he has caused you. With counseling this can be accomplished. Trust me. Please get counseling, then write again and let me know how you are. I care.

CONFIDENTIAL TO IN LOVE IN HOUSTON: Send your married man back to his wife and children, and tell him to stay there. You can't build happiness on the misery of others. And by the way, nobody "falls in love" with a person who is married; they either kick the fence down or climb over it.

CONFIDENTIAL TO IN LOVE IN HOUSTON: Send your married man back to his wife and children, and tell him to stay there. You can't build happiness on the misery of others. And by the way, nobody "falls in love" with a person who is married; they either kick the fence down or climb over it.

To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)