DEAR ABBY: Your letter concerning handshakes and what they signified interested me.

I am currently retired, after spending 37 years with a well-known public relations firm for whom I traveled around the country to set up press conferences for major events. In doing so, I worked with Gen. Eisenhower when he was campaigning in Denver for his second term as president. I worked with Walter Cronkite while he was at the NASA space center in Houston, and Nikita Krushchev when he was in Des Moines touring farms in the Midwest. I also helped set up the press center in Dallas the day President Kennedy was killed there.

There were other celebrities I met personally, and whose hands I shook. One was Richard Nixon when he was campaigning in Houston. When I shook his hand, I was surprised to find it was very small, sweaty and limp!

In the mid-'60s, I helped set up the press center for Billy Graham's Crusade in the Houston Astrodome. I met Billy Graham, a large, impressive fellow whose handshake was amazingly almost identical to Nixon's -- weak and very limp.

I had always believed that a person's handshake revealed his character. I later learned it wasn't true. Now I never judge a person entirely by his handshake. -- EARL ROTH, SARGENT, TEXAS

DEAR MR. ROTH: Thank you for an enlightening letter. I cannot leave the subject of handshakes without adding this personal comment: It is generally accepted that a firm and resolute handshake conveys an "I'm sincerely glad to meet you" message. But one should never use it when greeting a woman who's wearing a ring on her hand.

DEAR ABBY: I have two brothers who are married. (So am I.) One brother lives in Minnesota and the other one lives in Louisiana. The Minnesota brother always sends birthday and anniversary cards, and promptly, too. The brother who lives down South never sends birthday or an�niversary greetings. (He doesn't even acknowledge the cards I send him.)

I made up my mind that unless I hear from my thoughtless brother down South, I am going to quit remembering him on special occasions.

I talked to my parents about this, and they said, "Do as you please, but don't involve us." I don't see why I should be so prompt and thoughtful to people who ignore me, do you? -- MIDWEST SISTER

DEAR SISTER: In every family, there are some who are more thoughtful than others. You may feel that by ignoring those who always forget you, you are "getting even," but you are actually widening the gap, until eventually there will be no communication at all.

Remember them anyway. Families need each other. Don't wait for a funeral to communicate.

DEAR ABBY: After reading your column, "Only in America," in which you poked fun at Americans who buy everything they wear and use from some foreign country, I had to write to share the following:

A number of years ago, I saw a display of merchandise bearing labels reading "MADE IN USA."

It seems that on Shikoku -- the smallest of Japan's four islands -- there is a city named "Usa." All the products made there are marked "MADE IN USA."

Would you say that the purpose of those labels was to intentionally mislead the buyer? I think so.-- C.C. IN FLORIDA

DEAR C.C.: Si, Si, so do I.

To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Because of your vast readership, I am writing to you in the hope that by printing my letter, perhaps other women (and probably some men) will learn from my mistakes.

Three years ago, I had a torrid affair with a man right after my divorce. This guy was so charming that before I got wise to him and broke off the relationship, I had lent him a considerable sum of money. I had no promissory note, so all was lost.

A year later, I met someone I thought was perfect for me. He was absolutely beguiling, attentive as could be, and he made me feel terrific. He was very well thought of, and an outstanding man in the community.

A few months ago, he was short of money, so I lent him my entire savings with the understanding that I would be repaid in full within the next few weeks. I was "in love," trusted him, and didn't want to "insult" him by asking him to sign a note. Well, so far, I've heard every excuse in the book as to why he can't pay me back, and I'm afraid this will have to be settled in court. Also, I am dealing with the humiliating realization that this guy never really gave a hoot about me.

I made two major mistakes: lending the money in the first place, and not getting it in writing.

Abby, please find room for this in your column as a warning to other women who let their hearts rule their heads. -- RIPPED OFF IN COLORADO

DEAR RIPPED OFF: Nobody can tell it like the person who has been there. Too bad you will never know how many women will benefit from reading this letter.

DEAR ABBY: After putting on a wedding for our daughter, I feel the public could use some do's and don'ts on wedding etiquette.

1. Always respond to an invitation when an R.S.V.P. stamped, addressed card and envelope are provided. The hostess needs a "Yes, I am coming," or, "Sorry, I cannot attend." Many respond only to say they are planning to attend.

2. If you do accept the invitation, please come to the reception -- as your host and hostess must pay for your reservation. (We had to foot the bill for eight dinners at $25 per person for people who accepted but did not show up.) A cancellation up to five days before the big event is usually enough to avoid this problem.

3. Please do not include on your response card any more family members (or friends) than have been invited. Reservations are limited, and it is rude to add extra uninvited guests. If it is crucial for an added guest to come, please ask the hostess for permission to do so.

4. After accepting a wedding reception invitation, it is in good taste to send a gift.

Thank you, Abby, for helping me air my frustrations. -- MOTHER OF THE BRIDE IN YORK, PA.

"How to Be Popular" is an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Our son has not spoken to us in four years. He is our only child, and we live in the same city. We had a misunderstanding over a petty incident, and he has ignored us ever since. He is married and has a teen-aged son.

We are not rich, but we do have some assets that have appreciated over the years. Our son and his family are our only heirs. We are considering rewriting our wills and leaving our son out of it. As for our grandson, we hardly know him because we haven't seen him in four years.

We would appreciate any advice you can give us. We trust your judgment. -- WITHHOLD OUR NAME, PLEASE

DEAR WITHHOLD: Either write to your son or call him and tell him you want to talk to him about your will -- that will probably bring him to your door in a hurry. If and when he shows up, try to settle your differences peacefully, so you can be a family again.

I hope he agrees to bury the hatchet, but if for some reason he is not willing, you would be justified in writing him off.

Please don't punish your grandson. He's the innocent victim of his father's anger. Give him a chance to establish some kind of rapport with you, and if he is a decent, caring young man, remember him generously in your will.

Otherwise, talk with your attorney about leaving everything to your favorite charities. And don't forget your local animal shelter. Animals want nothing from you but love.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is attracted to a pretty waitress at our favorite restaurant. We eat there at least once a week. She flirts openly with him and he loves it.

I have tried not to let it bother me, but she is getting very pushy. She compliments him on his hair, his eyes, his smile, and he eats it up. As soon as we come in, she comes to our booth and says, "I have a new joke for you," then she tells a dirty joke, and he breaks up laughing.

I suppose it's my husband's fault because he could tell her to get lost, but he doesn't.

I guess what really bothers me is the way he enjoys her company. He cheated on me once and it really hurt me, and I don't want to go through that again.

How do I deal with this situation? Don't tell me that we should stop going to that restaurant. It's very convenient, the food is good and the price is right. Please help me. -- WORRIED

DEAR WORRIED: Level with your husband. Tell him you are hurt when he pays so much attention to the waitress. Obviously she is trying to be entertaining, but she is out of line. If she didn't get so much encouragement, she'd back off.

DEAR ABBY: I enjoy reading your column in the Times-Picayune, but I've never written before.

Your quoting of Ogden Nash is not acceptable. He was a true versifier:

"Sure, deck your lower limbs in pants,

"Yours are the limbs, my sweeting.

"You look divine as you advance,

"Have you seen yourself retreating?

Now, that's poetry! -- THOMAS C. TEWS, NEW ORLEANS

By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)