DEAR ABBY: I've been reading your column since I was a pre-teen girl. I'm 21 and a college senior now. In my freshman year, I met a super guy, "Ray." We hit it off immediately and have been best friends ever since. Abby, Ray was my first love. There was a strong physical attraction between us (we even discussed it), but we didn't act on it for fear of jeopardizing our precious friendship.

Since we met four years ago, I've dated others, lived with someone else, and now Ray has a girlfriend. She is his first serious relationship. Now I am wondering if I should let him know that I am still in love with him. We still are very close friends, and I honestly believe that we could make it as a couple.

I don't expect him to drop his girlfriend for me. However, I cannot spend the rest of my life wondering what might have been had I been willing to risk telling him my feelings.

What do you say, Abby? -- "WHAT IF" IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR WHAT IF: Now that Ray is involved in his first serious relationship, were you to tell him that you are still in love with him, it would cause him no end of consternation. Please, give him a break and put your "true confessions" on hold until you know where Ray's present relationship is going. Should it not endure, and he is free to consider another love relationship, unleash your "confession." But not until.

DEAR ABBY: I am stumped as to what to do about something that happened at work. As a junior executive in a large firm, I submitted an idea to a vice president. He reacted with very little enthusiasm, so I assumed he didn't think much of my suggestion.

About a week later, he showed my idea to the president of the company as though he had originated it. The president thought it was brilliant.

I was furious when I heard what had happened and I wanted to tell my friend a thing or two. However, I took a co-worker's advice to just keep quiet, as any further action on my part could be harmful to my career.

I am still very resentful, seeing his career flourish and not my own. Any advice? -- HAD IT WITH OFFICE POLITICS

DEAR HAD IT: I think you used good judgment in taking your co-worker's advice. Let it go -- and learn from the experience. And the next time you get a "brilliant" idea, submit it to the president yourself.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I just returned from the beach -- our first outing this season. It was a beautiful sunny day in Santa Monica, and the beaches were swarming with men, women and children. I had seen some ads of the new skimpy bikini bathing suits for women, but this is the first time I had seen them worn by real people.

Abby, from behind, some of those women appeared to be naked -- with just a wee little string back there, barely visible, attached to a small patch of fabric in the front, no bigger than a Band-Aid.

I am not some crotchety old woman; I'm 35 years old, but I must admit, seeing so much flesh exposed, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. (My husband laughed.) -- EUGENIA

Most teen-agers do not know the facts about drugs, AIDS, and how to prevent unwanted pregnancy. It's all in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: We are a middle-class family with a 20-year-old son and a 16-year-old daughter. Our problem is the girl -- "Karen." She's been going with the same boy, "Mark," for a year and a half. He's 17, and they are so wrapped up in each other, it's terrible.

Karen was always a happy, outgoing girl, but now she's secretive and quiet. She used to confide in me. She doesn't go places with her girlfriends like she used to; they don't even call her anymore. Her grades have plunged this year, so she has to go to summer school to make up some credits.

I have tried to reason with her. We have restricted her to seeing Mark only once a week because they were getting too thick. (She says she "loves" him.) We have talked until we are blue in the face about doing something besides waiting for Mark to call, but she can't -- or won't -- see the light. What can we do? -- KAREN'S PARENTS

DEAR PARENTS: Your daughter has a bad case of lovesickness. She needs someone she can talk to honestly about her feelings. Unfortunately, there is now little communication between you and Karen. So, family counseling might bring you closer together.

Karen needs to see you as loving parents, which is what you are, instead of "the enemy" -- using your parental power to keep her from seeing the boy she loves. (Don't ridicule her; although she is only 16, her love is genuine.)

Ask your family doctor to recommend a family therapist. If money is tight, your YWCA may be the answer. And hats off to you for seeking help.

DEAR ABBY: I need your opinion. Two weeks ago, I gave my girlfriend an engagement ring. We have been going together for nearly two years, and it's understood that we will get married in about a year, so she wasn't exactly surprised. (I am 24 and she is 21.)

Now, the problem: The ring I gave her is a three-carat zircon -- set in white gold. It looks exactly like a diamond, but it is not nearly as expensive. I never did tell her it wasn't a diamond, and she has been showing it off at work and to her relatives. Now I'm too embarrassed to tell her the truth.

I keep thinking that one day, when I can afford it, I will replace it with a real diamond, but now I don't have the nerve to tell her the truth. What should I do? -- NO GUTS

DEAR NO GUTS: Please get the guts to tell her the truth, and the sooner the better. If she should decide to insure the ring, she would be told immediately that it is not a diamond. Your engagement would be less "rocky" if she heard it first from you.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law's behavior is sometimes very puzzling to me. She will bake (or buy) some sort of pastry or dessert to take with her when invited to a get-together for a special occasion. (Birthday, anniversary, housewarming, etc.)

When the get-together is over, she always goes to the kitchen and packs up whatever is left over from her "offering" and takes it home with her. Trying to get her to leave even a portion of it is like pulling teeth!

I'm embarrassed when she does this in front of my family, or even her own children. My husband and I feel that whatever she brings to the home of another is a gift, and she has no right to take home even a part of it. -- CONFUSED IN MARIPOSA, CALIF.

DEAR CONFUSED: The leftovers should be left -- unless, of course, the host or hostess insists that the donor take them home. And by the way, when one takes a "goody" to the home of another, it would be very thoughtful to bring it on a paper plate, a box, or some other type of disposable container that need not be returned.

Abby's family recipes are included in her cookbooklet. Send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I adopted a beautiful little boy two years ago. He was 2 years old when we got him. We waited for 2 1/2 years to get him, and when the agency called us to say we could come and get him, I was so thrilled I shared the good news with my co-workers. I worked in an office with 13 other women. In the three years that I worked there, I attended six baby showers and hosted one in my home.

Abby, I cannot tell you how heartbroken I was when no one from the office even called to ask how things were going. No shower, no gifts -- not even a card. I did, however, receive many questions about my son's birth parents. (Did I ever meet them? Were they married? How old was his mother? Does he have any sisters or brothers?)

I since have moved on to a new job because I felt so much resentment toward my co-workers. I was invited to two more baby showers before I quit.

Abby, please remind people to treat everyone's new child the same -- adopted or not. It would mean so much to the new parents. I just had to get this off my chest. Thank you for listening. -- BROKENHEARTED WITH A TERRIFIC SON

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: There is no defense for the attitude of your former co-workers, but I'm printing your letter because it carries a very important message! An adopted child deserves the same celebrated welcome as a birth child, and because there is usually so much red tape, praying and waiting, perhaps a little more.

DEAR ABBY: I am a female, working for a cable television company as a computer operator. Lately, every morning when I sign in on the computer, I find suggestive messages of a sexual nature from the man I relieve from the night shift.

One message: "Darling, I dreamed about you last night ..." He also had flowers delivered to me at work on Valentine's Day.

I am a single mother and this is starting to get out of hand. I am dating another man and have no interest in this co-worker.

Should I report him to my supervisor? Someone in the office suggested that I file sexual harassment charges. What if I do, and the guy gets canned from work and tries to hurt me or get even? -- HARASSED IN DENVER

DEAR HARASSED: Before you report him to your supervisor, tell the pushy pest that you are not interested in his flowers or his fantasies. And if he annoys you further, make good your threat.

DEAR ABBY: Please help me. My desk at work is 10 feet away from a person who whistles constantly. I get so irritated that I cannot concentrate on the task at hand. This is beginning to have a great effect on my work, and I don't like it. The problem is that this person is my boss, and I don't want to run the risk of seeming insubordinate. On the other hand, if this whistling does not stop, I will go crazy. What should I do? -- SOON-TO-BE-BONKERS

DEAR SOON: Your job can't possibly be more important to you than your sanity, so tell your boss that you can't concentrate on your work while "someone" is whistling. And if your boss continues to drive you bonkers with his/her whistling, repeat the message, unless, of course, you don't mind going bonkers.

Want your phone to ring? Get Abby's booklet, "How to Be Popular" -- for people of all ages. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)