DEAR ABBY: I have just been informed of a very delicate situation, and I am not sure how to handle it. My husband and I separated for a short time in September 1988. While separated, I started seeing another man. It was a very brief encounter, needless to say. Since then, my husband and I are together again -- and I have given birth to a son.

I recently ran into some friends who knew of this other man and also live near him. My friend told me some very disturbing news about this man. He has been diagnosed HIV-positive. Needless to say, I was floored hearing this. I plan to be tested very soon.

The problem is: Should I discuss this with my husband? If I tell him, it could destroy what is left of our marriage, especially if the test is negative. On the other hand, he has a right to know that the risk is there.

I cannot even comprehend the fact of AIDS. The thing that gets to me more than anything is my son. I had him after the fact. Is he infected? I could not live with myself knowing that my lack of self-control could possibly kill both of us. Please help me any way you can. -- DEVASTATED

DEAR DEVASTATED: You must be tested immediately to determine whether you have been infected, and have your questions answered first-hand. Call the government AIDS hotline: 1 (800) 342-AIDS to find the location of a center near you for anonymous testing. If you are positive, then you must discuss this with your husband, and both your husband and your child should be tested.

If you are negative -- it's "our" secret.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old high school sophomore and my parents have this rule: I cannot go in cars driven by any of my friends. Abby, they have driver's licenses and are all good drivers, but my folks won't listen. I hope to get my own driver's license when I turn 16. I'm taking Driver's Education in school.

I have been asked on dates by guys my age, but of course I can't go because of this dumb rule my parents are sticking to. Abby, it's very embarrassing to be driven places by my parents.

Why do parents worry so much? It's like they don't ever want their kids to grow up. -- FOREVER A BABY

DEAR FOREVER: Why do parents worry so much? Because it's every parent's nightmare that their teen-ager will be badly hurt -- or killed -- in an automobile accident.

If your friends who drive would meet your parents and impress them with their maturity and sense of responsibility, it may make a big difference in your parents' attitude. It's worth a try.

DEAR ABBY: I do something I think more people would do if they just stopped for a moment and thought about it.

I have a very select list of charities I always give to. But when I send a check, I also include a short note: "Please do not send me a thank-you! Save the postage. My canceled check is my receipt." -- DON C. IN K.C., MO.

DEAR DON: Thanks. I learned something today. Most charities need every penny they can raise.

To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: When we bought our home up north 30 years ago, this motto was tacked to the frame of the entrance. We thought it was appropriate then, and still is now.

I thought you might want to share it with your readers. -- A.M.T. IN FLORIDA

GO TO WORK AND SAVE $$

If you are poor -- work.

If you are rich -- continue to work.

If you are happy -- keep right on working.

Idleness gives you room for doubts and fears.

If disappointments come -- work.

If sorrow overwhelms you, and loved ones seem not true -- work.

When faith falters and reason fails -- just work.

When dreams are shattered and hope seems dead -- work.

Work as if your life was in peril. It really is.

Whatever happens or matters -- work.

Work faithfully -- work with faith.

Work is the greatest material remedy available.

Work will cure both mental and physical afflictions.

-- From the "Silent Partner"

DEAR A.M.T.: Thanks for a worthwhile addition to this space. But how about all those people who are willing and eager to work, but cannot find a job?

DEAR ABBY: This letter is for all of those frustrated housewives who wonder if they've gone off their rockers when they find only one sock in the washing machine. You dealt with this problem some time ago by stating that washers and dryers do not eat socks.

Sorry, Abby, but the washer is, in fact, the culprit. I have worked in customer service for General Electric Major Home Appliance Repairs for many years, and we were instructed to tell our customers that the washing action of the water will sometimes push a lighter item, i.e. a sock or washcloth, over the top of the inner tub into the space between the inner and outer tub -- and during the pumping cycle it can be washed down the sewer.

I have scheduled hundreds of service calls for socks to be removed from the pump of a washing machine. So, women, take heart, and tell your husbands to go yell at the washer! -- NEW ORLEANS WOMAN

DEAR NEW ORLEANS WOMAN: I'm sure that many who have thought they were going crazy after discovering an odd number of socks in their washing machines will appreciate your explanation. Here's suds in your eye!

DEAR ABBY: My husband thinks I'm some kind of cleanliness nut because I shower every night before going to bed. I believe it's just good personal hygiene. Please comment. -- SHOWER FREAK (HIS NAME FOR ME)

DEAR SHOWER FREAK: I'm with you. Cleanliness is next to godliness.

Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a telephone answering machine. It is very handy, but sometimes it's a source of great frustration when someone dials a wrong number and leaves a message.

For example, the following message was left on my machine: "Your daughter, Judy, was in a minor automobile accident. P1ease pick her up at the suburban police station."

Well, I do not have a daughter named Judy, so I called the suburban police station and suggested that they call Judy's parents and dial carefully next time.

Last week, an elderly woman left the following message: "Doctor, I'm sorry I have to cancel my appointment ..." Then she went on and on, describing all her symptoms and medications until my entire tape ran out.

I also got this message from a young man in a hurry: "Hi, Joe, dis is Pete. We're gonna have football practice at Baldwin Park. Call da udder guys and tell em!"

Last night I received the following message: "Hi, Gloria! We're leaving right now. Please be ready for a change, OK?" Bang! (I hope Gloria was ready for a change.)

Abby, inform your readers that before they leave a message on an answering machine, they should be sure they dialed the right number. -- WRONG GUY IN CLEVELAND

DEAR WRONG GUY: Thanks for reminding all the folks out there to dial very carefully.

DEAR ABBY: Some time ago, you had an article in your column titled "Only in America." It poked fun at Americans who buy everything they wear and use from some foreign country. I think Americans need to be reminded to BUY AMERICAN. Thanks. -- PATRIOTIC IN MAINE

DEAR PATRIOTIC: Once my readers have seen the following, I'm sure many of them will agree with you.

ONLY IN AMERICA

"He drove his German car made of Swedish steel and interior of Argentine leather to a gasoline station, where he filled up with Arab oil shipped in a Liberian tanker and bought two French tires, composed of rubber from Sri Lanka.

"At home, he dropped his Moroccan briefcase, hung up his Scottish tweed wool coat, removed his Italian shoes and Egyptian cotton shirt, then donned a Hong Kong robe and matching slippers from Taiwan.

"More comfortable now, he poured a cup of hot Brazilian coffee into an English coffee mug, set a Mexican placemat on an Irish linen tablecloth atop a Danish table varnished with linseed oil from India. Then he filled his Austrian pipe with Turkish tobacco, lit it, and picked up a Japanese ballpoint pen with which he wrote a letter to his congressman demanding to know why the United States has an unfavorable balance of trade."

Want your phone to ring? Get Abby's booklet, "How to Be Popular" -- for people of all ages. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.