DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My husband has been sharp-edged as long as I have known him, and I have known him for nearly 40 years.

Our son learned at a young age that his father is not the easiest guy to put up with, but also that underneath it all, he is a good man, a good provider, loves his family above everything else, and would do anything to keep us safe and sound.

My daughter-in-law grew up in what couldn’t be a more different family. Her parents are quiet, soft-spoken, and the sort who, even with a family of six kids, apparently never yelled or lost their temper. (Although I find that hard to believe!)

The last time we all got together, her family and ours, my husband made a comment about how soft our son and daughter-in-law were being on their toddler. She has no limits, and I agree she gets away with many things our kids never would have so much as tried.

My daughter-in-law got very offended, and she and my husband got into a row about how children should be raised. He basically told her she was doing it all wrong, that children need limits and discipline, and she called him a nasty old man who terrorized his own son when he was growing up.

I tried to make some sort of peace, but the visit ended with us leaving their house and my daughter-in-law saying we were not to be anywhere near her daughter because she was afraid my husband would yell at her or worse if she did anything any normal toddler would do.

I know my husband would never hurt his granddaughter, and I have been her most regular babysitter. Now I am barred from doing what I love in caring for her and what I know gave our son and his wife a break they, like any young parents, require.

Do you think it is fair that I am being punished because my husband spoke his mind? --- I DID NOTHING WRONG

DEAR I DID NOTHING WRONG: You mentioned your daughter-in-law’s reaction to your husband’s comment, but not how your son responded.

While you believe he long ago figured his father has a soft interior wrapped up in a rough exterior, your daughter-in-law’s statement makes me think it’s possible your son doesn’t see your husband in the same light as you do, and therefore shares his wife’s opinion.

I think you, your son, and daughter-in-law need to have an open discussion about the ban on your babysitting. It might not change anyone’s opinion about your husband, but perhaps you’ll have the opportunity to make your case for being allowed to be around and care for your granddaughter.

Hopefully, they’ll welcome your return to babysitting for them, even if it needs to be just you for at least the time being.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When we got married my husband was finishing his second engineering degree. He was in school full-time, so I was the main breadwinner for our family. Since he graduated, his income has supported us, and we have moved four times in the last ten years.

We have been lucky to have been able to stay put for the past three years this time around, but the project my husband has been working on is wrapping up and he is on the hunt for his next job.

It is a stressful process not only for him, but for our whole family. The kids have made some good friends here, and so have I. I have also loved the part-time job I have working in the kids’ school covering the lunchroom and recess.

I know I’ll get another job wherever we go, and we will make new friends. But I don’t think my husband has any idea that the entire process is as tough on us as it is on him — maybe even more so, particularly when it means the kids have to change schools after the new year has already started.

I don’t want to sound whiny to him, but I need him to understand he’s not the only one feeling the pressure of having to make major changes every few years. He acts like it’s just him who is stressed and on the line.

Is it selfish for me to speak up for the rest of us, do you think? --- HARD ON THE REST OF US TOO

DEAR HARD ON THE REST OF US TOO: No. I rarely think open communications between spouses is a wrong or selfish thing.

If you approach the topic calmly and with your own concerns well mapped out, hopefully your husband will be able to understand that this somewhat nomadic lifestyle is taxing on everyone, and that it also needs to be a team effort if it’s going to be successful and tolerable for your whole family in the years to come.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mother has dumped her primary care MD and is going to a naturopathic doctor.

When she told me about this guy I had to see if he is for real. Turns out he is licensed and certified and all that, but he isn’t a medical doctor, and my mother has chronic health problems that both my dad and I think need to be treated by a real doctor.

She says her old doctor wasn’t doing anything to really help her, and she has been feeling better now that she is seeing the new “doctor,” especially for her fibromyalgia and arthritis.

Would you trust one of these “alternative medicine doctors”? --- NOT A REAL DOCTOR

DEAR NOT A REAL DOCTOR: Personally, I’m more comfortable with conventional medical practitioners.

That’s not to say that they work for everyone, and even many conventional providers incorporate aspects of holistic or other alternative elements in their treatments of patients.

Since neither you nor your father are comfortable with your mother’s choice, I’d say keep an eye on her overall condition. If you see she is heading in the wrong direction physically, that would be the time to urge her to at least get another opinion from a more mainstream provider.