DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Although she put up with it much longer than I ever would have done, my daughter finally divorced her cheating husband. I told her she was well rid of him and she agrees.
Thank God she has moved on and is seeing a kind and loving and generous man, who is great with my grandchildren.
When I discussed this new man in their mother’s life with my grandchildren, when I had them for a weekend so he and my daughter could go visit his parents, the kids told me the new guy is “okay,” but he is not as good as their dad, and they would be fine if their mother never remarried or even had a boyfriend.
All they talk about is how great their dad is, and how nice his new girlfriend is (the “the other woman” dumped him right after the divorce) and how they hope they get married so they can have a new little stepbrother and get more time with their dad and his girlfriend and her son in their fancy new apartment, which they say is way cooler than their old house, where the TVs and laptops are older and not nearly as cool as the ones their father has for them when they visit.
I find it just not right. Their mother did nothing to hurt them. She is the one who was awarded almost full custody and has been there for them, especially while their father was off on his “business” travels. He lied to his young children as much as he lied to his wife, and yet he is the one they want to see happy, even more so than their mother.
What am I missing? --- HE’S NO SAINT
DEAR HE’S NO SAINT: If your grandchildren are unaware of their father’s unfaithfulness, it’s possible they view their mother as having something to do with why their dad isn’t still living with them.
And, since they’re with their mom more than their father, I’d venture to guess she’s the one who gets to handle discipline issues and all the challenges that are part of active, daily parenting, likely making her the less “fun” parent in their eyes.
Over time and as the children grow older and hopefully more mature, they might begin to see things in a different light, but for now it sounds like they’re potentially picking the crowd-pleaser over the authority figure.