DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I grew up in a single-parent military family. My mom was not ever close with her family outside of one of her grandmas, which is part of the reason she joined the Air Force right out of high school. We moved every two or three years, and when my mom was not working, she was taking classes for first a bachelor’s and then a master’s.

My mom has made a good life for herself and me, but we neither of us have had much of a social life. Even now she barely socializes with people other than old Air Force buddies.

I grew up a shy and self-contained person. When I met my boyfriend, we were the opposites that attract. Not that he is super loud or obnoxious in any way. He is just outgoing and self-confident, and gets along with everyone he meets.

He also comes from a huge, warm, and totally welcoming family, in which everyone seems to stay closely connected.

I have been to his parents’ and grandparents’ houses for a few family gatherings and celebrations, including some last holiday time. I always end up feeling like a fly on the wall rather than a participant in the action.

My boyfriend knows I do not have much of any experience being in this kind of loving, if loud environment. So he does not push me to go to the gatherings, which I love about him, but I can also see they mean so much to him, especially during the holiday time of year when he gets to spend a few days back at his home.

How do I find a way to fit into a world I have never been in before? --- NOT WHERE I’M FROM

DEAR NOT WHERE I’M FROM: Your boyfriend saw something in you that appealed to him. Perhaps those qualities will over time help you find a spot in his big, tight family.

To start though, when you’re at one of the get-togethers, it could help to focus on getting to know one or two individuals who may appear less at the heart of the party, rather than feeling you have to mix and mingle with everyone on hand.

Gradually becoming familiar with small segments of the clan — one at a time, at a pace comfortable to you — is potentially your key to finding your place within it.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: After our company’s owner switched meds and had to go on a high fiber diet for health reasons, she started having a lot of flatulence.

I know it’s normal and we all pass gas, but this is incredible! Most of us, especially those nearer in age to her try to act like grown-ups and keep our reactions to ourselves. But the youngest members of our staff, especially the young men, have trouble controlling their reactions when our boss lets loose in a meeting or when moving around the building.

Our boss usually has a really good sense of humor, but it’s clear the reactions of the young men bother her. She has told a few of us “old timers” she is painfully aware of her issue and is trying different things to help make both her and everyone around her more comfortable.

As a senior staffer and one of the HR coordinators do you believe I have an obligation to speak with the younger employees to let them know their reaction is not acceptable? --- GAS HAPPENS

DEAR GAS HAPPENS: Undoubtedly there are learned studies on why the human race has long found flatulence funny.

The younger men in your office are simply following their human nature.

That doesn’t mean, though, that they can’t put some effort into controlling their reactions.

I believe you should exercise either of your roles as a more mature adult or HR representative and have a serious and very private word with those you feel are most likely to hurt the feelings of your boss.

It’s your opportunity to make it clear her GI issues are something she has to live with, and acting more like grown-ups would go a long way to avoid offending her and adding to her self-consciousness over something she can’t help.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My family moved into a neighborhood transitioning from its original owners to a lot of young families, like mine. We happen to live next to one of the last of the original owners.

We have lived here now for almost six months, and except for seeing her getting her mail and coming and going from her driveway, we rarely catch a sight of her. She seems neither nice nor rude, but just kind of in her own world.

The one thing that’s really odd about her is how she spies on us, especially when we are in the backyard. Her bedroom looks out over our backyard, and more times than I can tell you we have seen her curtains move if we happen to look up to her house, as if she has just stepped away from the window.

Our teenage daughter finds it creepy. I think she is a little lonely, and although it strikes me as a touch weird, I think she is harmless.

Is it worth saying something to her about her peeking out at us, or just let the strange old lady do her thing? --- BEING WATCHED

DEAR BEING WATCHED: You haven’t mentioned if you or anyone in your family attempted to initiate direct contact with your neighbor in the six months you’ve lived next door to her.

If not, it seems to make more sense to me to reach out to her and offer a simple introduction, rather than open communications with accusations of spying on your family.

By breaking the ice, not only might you get a better feel for the kind of person she is, but you’ll have made a reasonable effort at neighborliness, possibly opening the door to more regular relations between the two households. That way the next time you see the moving curtain, you could toss a smile and a casual wave her way.

It’s amazing how effective a warm smile can be, especially to someone who may be, as you speculate, lonely.