DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I recently learned that my fiancé’s previous marriage was very happy, and they only got divorced because their teenage daughter suggested it.

She apparently wanted to experience a broken home, and thought it could help all three of them to grow.

I have talked individually with my fiancé, his ex-wife, and their daughter, and all three say the same thing: the marriage was wonderful, and the daughter suggested divorce as a way to help them grow and learn.

This daughter has always been wonderful to me, and is supposed to be a bridesmaid in our wedding.

Now I’m wondering whether I should step aside and let my fiancé and his ex possibly reunite. His ex told me that she’s happy being single, but I have to wonder.

The other obvious question is, if we get married, what happens if my stepdaughter then decides we should get divorced, like she did with her parents?

Would I be crazy to go ahead and marry him?

I know this sounds crazy, but I actually find it encouraging that his previous marriage was so good, and I kind of admire them for taking such a drastic step just for the experience and growth. --- DO I OR DON’T I?

DEAR DO I OR DON’T I?: There are plenty of healthy, productive ways to find individual growth within a marriage and as a family other than by breaking either or both of them apart.

Perhaps your fiancé’s first marriage wasn’t all you’ve been led to believe it was. If that’s the case, your fiancé and his ex-wife are justified in moving on.

On the other hand, if their marriage was, as claimed, a “wonderful” one, I find their daughter’s deciding they should divorce merely as a growth opportunity selfish, strange, and disturbing. Ditto for their agreeing to act on her request. Furthermore, if they had wanted to reunite, would that’ve been theirs or their daughter’s decision to make?

Personally, this situation is not one I’d be at all comfortable stepping deeper into. However, if you’re good with your fiancés and his daughter’s commitment to growth at any cost, then this is the dynamic for you.

Whatever you decide, you might want to be prepared for your fiancé’s daughter to continue calling the shots.

That you’re already asking yourself if you’re okay with potentially being just another transient phase in both your fiancé’s and his daughter’s quests for enlightenment should tell you something.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When I interviewed for my current job, I was told my education and previous jobs positioned me well to advance quickly. That was a year and a half ago, and people who have started with the company after me have already been promoted. A friend in the office told me that is because they are in a different department, where there is much more turnover than the one we are part of.

Even buying into that thinking I feel as if I am beginning to stagnate. I have learned the job as well as it can be learned, and there are few variables in my daily routine to keep it interesting or even vaguely challenging.

When I talk to my parents about how things are going for me, they tell me to be patient and stick with the job for at least a while longer. They remind me of their work experiences and how by not jumping around, they established solid, successful careers. They believe if I move to another company at this point, it will not look good on my resume, and people will be reluctant to hire me. But I believe if I explain why I am willing to leave what looks like a good job on paper but does not live up to its hype, it will not be held against me as much as they think it will.

I am already looking at possibilities, some of which pay at least what I make here, some less, some more. But if I can move upward once I have learned the job well, I think that is more important than the money I make to start.

Do you believe there is anything to be gained staying where I am when I am not growing or gaining further experience? --- NEED TO MOVE ON

DEAR NEED TO MOVE ON: Your parents aren’t wrong in their advice that reasonable longevity is a good way to build a solid track record in your career.

From what you wrote, it sounds like you feel you were misled when you were hired, and if that truly is the case, and you’re able to find something different that will help advance your career and make more use of your education and skills, then it may not be the worst thing in the world to consider a change.

If you do change jobs, though, bear in mind how it’ll look if you jump from the new one to another in less than two or three years. So you might want to choose very carefully where you land next.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: This is my fourth year teaching and the first with our new principal. He is, no pun intended, very old school.

When we came in for our first staff meetings right before school started, he made it clear he expected his professional staff to dress like professionals. For example, jeans are okay, provided they’re neat and not torn. No graphic tees, sweats, hoodies, tank tops, or flip-flops are acceptable. On Fridays, we are being encouraged to wear the school polo with jeans or khakis, but otherwise, no more dress down days so long as students are in the building.

I grew up with teachers dressing casually, and many of my fellow teachers, of all ages, at my current school also feel like we’re being treated like children in not being trusted to wear what we feel comfortable in and how the students are used to us dressing.

Do you agree we, as professionals, should be treated as adults capable of knowing what works best when it comes to relating to our students? --- not for the dress code

DEAR not for the dress code: You may not like hearing this, but I support your principal’s policy of requiring his professional staff to present a professional appearance when on the job.

Taking care and pride in your appearance sends a message to your students that you are not their peer, but their teacher, the adult responsible for their wellbeing, safety, and education during the hours they’re in your classroom.