DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I understood when my sister-in-law started dating and found a new man less than two years after my brother passed. It hurt, but I didn’t blame her. She is only in her early 50s and has always been a very social type.

She and her new husband decided to sell both their houses and move into a condo. It is a two-bedroom with a small den, which they use as a home office.

The other bedroom is a guest room, and they said they have to keep it open for when his mother comes up from Florida from October to March.

They said flat out there is no room for my niece and nephew to stay, even on their school breaks. Both of them are still in college and found out during their current summer break that most of their stuff was put in storage and that they could only stay at their mom’s and stepfather’s condo this one time this summer until they head back to school.

They are currently forced to share the guest room, which means one has the bed and one has a camp cot, which they had to buy themselves, to sleep on.

Their stepfather told them they are old enough to be making their way in the world. That he and their mom would continue to pay their tuition and student apartment rental, but that would be it.

And when they graduate (my nephew after this year and my niece after the next), they will be expected to not return to stay with him and their mother, as there will be no room for them in the condo.

He also “generously” said that he and their mom would continue to cover the cost of the storage unit with all their stuff in it until two months after my nephew graduates. After that, they will be expected to pay their own way on that too, and my nephew will be on his own for finding a place to stay.

So starting this upcoming semester, my niece and nephew know they are basically not welcome in their mother’s home besides stopping by for visits. No holiday or school break stays, no help after graduating.

From what my nephew and niece have told me, their stepfather is all about “tough love,” but to me it seems more like he’s just a cheap bas###d who has no use for his new wife’s family — not even her own kids.

What kind of a man drives away his wife’s own kids?

I have let the kids know they are welcome in my house anytime, but still! --- WHAT A JERK

DEAR WHAT A JERK: As poorly as the husband is coming off, I have to question where your former sister-in-law is in all this.

While there’s much to be said about giving young people a push towards independence and self-reliance, there are also many circumstances where some allowances should or could be made. Offering space in your home for your own children to visit seems to me to be one of them.

I’m glad for your niece’s and nephew’s sake that you’re willing to open your home to them, but I can’t help but feel much of the fault for their current predicament lies with their mother, and not just their stepfather.

Either she agrees wholeheartedly with his edicts, or she’s not able or willing to stand up to him, and that’s a big red flag to me.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My son and his wife have a three-year-old daughter and another in third grade.

My daughter-in-law works parttime as a PRN nurse, giving her a really flexible schedule. What I don’t understand is why with her being able to flex her days she has my son go with her to every doctor’s and school appointment, especially since it means my son has to rearrange his already cramped work schedule or put in for time off, of which he has a limited amount.

I know when my kids were little, I would help cover whatever I could if my wife needed some help, especially once she went back to work fulltime. But she didn’t ask or expect me to take time off for every time one of our kids had some kind of appointment just so we could both be there.

Was I not involved enough as a dad, or is my son too involved? --- WAS I A BAD DAD?

DEAR WAS I A BAD DAD?: I doubt you were a bad dad for doing what was needed to care for your family when and if your help was called for.

Each couple has their own way of doing things.

For some, one parent is generally in charge of the day-to-day operations of the household and childrearing, with what they decide is an appropriate amount of input from their partner.

I’ve also known families like your son’s where it’s important to them both to be fully involved in as many aspects of their children’s lives as possible.

Likewise, there are plenty of two-parent families where just about everything falls to only one of the parents.

So long as it works for those concerned, it’s all good. If your son is happy being along for the appointments, then that’s what works for him and his family, just as presumably the arrangements you and your wife made worked well for the two of you.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My grandparents just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary and two weeks later told the family they were getting a divorce.

It isn’t that they are unhappy. As a matter of fact, they are about the happiest couple I know.

But my grandmother has developed health issues, some of which are expected to lead to her needing fulltime care in the future, which my grandfather is in no condition himself to help her with. So they are looking at what will happen when it comes time for my grandmother to get that help, probably in a nursing home, and I know from what happened with my other grandmother those are not cheap.

By divorcing, my grandparents’ lawyer says they will be able to get more money for my grandmother and leave enough for my grandfather to live on for a longer time. He calls it a “strategic divorce.”

I don’t know how I feel about all this. I don’t know if I trust their lawyer. It hurts and scares me to think my grandparents are having to do this.

Is the money enough to make this move make sense? --- DON’T LIKE THEIR PLAN

DEAR DON’T LIKE THEIR PLAN: I understand how painful and confusing your grandparents’ strategic divorce appears to you. However, this is not an unheard of move for even the most devoted couples, like your grandparents, to take in order to protect their assets and secure higher levels of government aid at a time when they most need it.

It might help you understand better if you speak directly to your grandparents about it. I can’t imagine they’re doing it without a lot of serious forethought.

In the past, I’ve heard stories of couples divorcing for better tax rates or more financial aid for their kids’ college education. At least in your grandparents’ case, they’re attempting to take measures to help ensure each other’s safety and comfort in the coming years.

That sounds like love to me.