DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My friend “Casey” has five kids, the youngest of which are the same age as my daughters. They have been playing together since they were toddlers, and we still try to get them together in our neighborhood park when the weather and school schedules allow.

Recently I have noticed Casey is getting less patient and more physical with her kids. She will grab one by the arm to get them off the playground equipment, or if they aren’t moving along fast enough. She also started saying things to them about how stupid they are acting, and she complains to me about something they did loud enough to clearly embarrass the kids.

Casey has always had a shorter fuse than me with her kids, so I just figured that’s who she is. Now what I keep seeing seems to go beyond impatience and I worry for both her and her kids.

I can see that my own kids are noticing the difference in how Casey relates to her own kids, and although they have not yet said anything to me, they are never as excited to get together with their friends as they used to be.

I don’t know if I should say something to Casey, or even how I would go about saying something. It is not like she is openly abusing her own kids, but changes in her behavior can’t be missed.

What is the best way to handle this situation? --- WORRIED BY WHAT I SEE

DEAR WORRIED BY WHAT I SEE: I’m not sure there’s a single “best” way to handle this situation, but hopefully there’s an approach that will be of use to your friend and her family.

I don’t completely agree with your claim that Casey isn’t abusing her children.

While parents are entitled to have their off days when they don’t show as much patience as usual, what you describe is a pattern of behavior, not a one-off, which could be the result of stress or other circumstances.

It sounds like you’ve known Casey for some time, and know her well enough to note a difference in her interactions with her children. I’m thinking that you shouldn’t feel strange about raising the topic of what you see as a change in her behavior.

You don’t need to do it in an adversarial or judgmental way. You might start by mentioning how you’ve noticed she appears stressed lately, and ask if there’s anything you can do to help.

Opening with the topic of stress at least affords Casey the opportunity to explain or vent about what’s going on in her life. It’ll let her know you’re seeing something out of the ordinary for her and that you care.

I’d also keep an eye on how her words and actions continue to affect her own children, especially if yours are perceiving things aren’t right. What you’re seeing in public is potentially only a small taste of what’s happening in their home.

For now, this may not be — and will hopefully never become — a case for CPS or other outside interventions, but having a caring set of eyes on the situation is a good idea for the sake of everyone involved.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My grandfather saved a lot of money while he was still healthy and working. Now his Parkinson’s has made it necessary for him to have fulltime care and I hear my mom and uncle fighting all the time over how they need to pay for Grandpa’s care out of the money they thought he would leave them.

My mom wants to use the money for her dad’s costs, especially since he has always said people should pay their own way. She says that is how he has lived his whole life and she would rather honor that thinking then try to hide his money to keep it safe for later.

My uncle has been working with a lawyer who does this kind of stuff to come up with ways to hide some of my Grandpa’s money.

It makes me mad to believe my uncle is so cold and greedy if all he wants is to tie-up my grandfather’s money in some way that it is protected from the nursing home taking it all.

I don’t understand a lot of this, but doesn’t my uncle sound like a giant a-hole if he only wants the money for himself and not to take care of his own dad? --- MY UNCLE’S A JERK

DEAR MY UNCLE’S A JERK: While it seems on the surface that your uncle is doing the wrong thing for the wrong reason, there’re potentially motives behind what he’s working on with the attorney, at least some of which might go beyond the goal of protecting his inheritance.

It may be that he’s trying to honor what he perceives as his dad’s wishes in his own way, or that there are future financial benefits for your grandfather in having some of his assets available for his care at a later date.

Since this is an issue being handled by your mom and uncle, perhaps talking to your mom about what’s going on in more detail could help make things less awful than they appear.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My boyfriend, who is a huge sports fan, and I met at a college football game. I was there with my brother and his friends when he was a senior. My boyfriend was also a senior and we got together after he graduated.

That was three years ago and he still lives in either his old school’s spirit wear and gear from his favorite pro teams. Even his underwear and socks have logos on them.

I once counted the number of shirts he has not connected with a team, and the number is seven. As he told me it’s enough to get through the workweek, with a couple of spares.

I have no problem with his loyalty to his teams. In a way I think it means he’s a loyal person in general. But don’t you think his only dressing in team sports stuff is a bit much?

I like to dress up sometimes for a nice dinner out, and my boyfriend’s idea of dressing up is to put on his one sports jacket on over a team T.

Isn’t this too much team spirit? --- TOO MUCH TEAM SPIRIT

DEAR TOO MUCH TEAM SPIRIT: We live in a casual society, and your boyfriend seems to fully embrace it.

It sounds to me like the problem as you see it isn’t so much that your boyfriend’s wardrobe is largely limited to items with team logos and slogans on them. It’s that he doesn’t make an effort to match the one you make to dress more nicely for less casual occasions.

If you haven’t let him know how you feel when he dresses as he normally does even when you step up your dress code for an evening or event, he may be clueless that he’s doing anything to displease you.

Perhaps if he is directly made aware of your wish to have him at least put on one of his workday shirts when you’re dressing up, he’d have a better idea of your expectations.