DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: One of my friends in elementary school started calling me “the Prankster” because of the hilarious tricks I used to play on even our favorite teachers and girls I had a crush on. The name sort of stuck, and by high school, my friends were calling me “TP” for short, which you have to admit is funny, especially since pranks are what they count on me to pull at all sorts of times and places.
I started seeing someone I hooked up with a few times when we were both on our year abroad in Italy. After we got back, we lost touch, but then she moved not too far from me, and we reconnected.
Compared to the other girls I’ve been with, she is what my dad calls a “quality woman.” He said he doesn’t get what she sees in me. (My dad’s a funny man too.)
I thought she was good with my pranking people, but she told me she doesn’t think some of what I do is very funny, and some of it is outright cruel.
I never think of myself or what I do for a little fun is cruel. Even when I went back in my mind over some of my pranks, they seem more like just a fun thing to do, with no one getting hurt.
I really like this girl, and I want this to work. But I don’t know if I like her enough to change who I am. I figure if she doesn’t get me, we’re not going to work.
How do I get her to understand I never mean to be mean, and pulling pranks is a big part of who I am, and what people have come to expect from me? --- NATURALLY A PRANKSTER
DEAR NATURALLY A PRANKSTER: You don’t give any examples of what you consider a benign prank, so it’s not possible to get a feel for what mischief’s potentially caused through your attempts to be funny.
That someone you admire finds your behavior out of line is possibly a good indication that perhaps you do go too far at least sometimes, and/or that you and your girlfriend have very different ideas of what constitutes humor. In my experience such disconnects lay the groundwork for a major divide between two people.
It sounds to me like your future as a couple depends on either your conforming to your girlfriend’s standards of humor, or her coming around to accept yours.
If neither of you is willing to meet in the middle, it doesn’t bode well for the longevity of your relationship.