DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: We started our family when my husband and I were in our late 30s. To make up for lost time, we planned our two pregnancies close together, meaning our two boys are less than 18 months apart.
Both our boys went all out into sports when they were kids. Whatever his big brother did, the younger one had to follow on. They both played soccer, baseball, and spent most of their summer vacations from school in camps to improve their sports skills. One boy excelled in soccer, the other in baseball, although they both worked hard at both sports. Our younger boy even got to play with his brother on the varsity team because he was pulled up from junior varsity in his sophomore year to round out the roster.
Our older boy helped his varsity team make it to the state championship in soccer, and his brother was both an all-county all-star and on the all-state baseball team because of his pitching.
I know the boys love each other and would do anything for the other one, but they have always been so damn competitive, it drives their dad and me crazy. It started when our younger boy was 6 and started playing t-ball, and got worse all the time growing up. It was mostly about sports, but it regularly spilled over into school grades, early jobs, and just about anything else. If one did a thing that got some attention, the other had to do something similar, if not better. To this day they have to top one another in sometimes crazy ways.
Within three months of his older brother becoming engaged, his younger brother popped the question to his girlfriend. Now they are both planning weddings four months apart for next year.
Next up my husband and I joke will be a baby derby, which we don’t mind, as we both look forward to being grandparents and we love both our future daughters-in-law. But it gets exhausting sometimes, this always having to compete.
Do you guess there will ever be a time when they will just be happy being brothers, and not have to be a step ahead of each other? --- HOPING FOR A BREAK IN THE COMPETITIONS
DEAR HOPING FOR A BREAK IN THE COMPETITIONS: My simple answer is that although it may wax and wane, I doubt your sons will completely back away from their competitiveness anytime soon, if ever.
This isn’t to say they can’t or won’t be each other’s best ally through life’s ups and downs. And, while it’s sometimes wearing on those around them, there might potentially be some positive points in their ongoing competition if it results in each young man raising his game and continuing to grow, if just to keep in step — or slightly ahead — of his brother.
So long as your sons get along in most contexts, and particularly are willing to help each other if the time ever comes when they’ll need to pull together, I don’t suppose there’s too much to fret over what sounds like a fairly standard case of sibling rivalry.