DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I used to be with a guy who had some real anger issues. He never hit or otherwise physically abused me, but he would say super cruel things, not just to me, but to my friends, and even some of his own. They put up with it, but after a year, I said enough is enough, and I ended the relationship.

I just found out that my ex is now living with his latest girlfriend. I don’t know her personally, but she is good friends with my sister-in-law, who knows about how my ex behaved, and has told me she doesn’t think it’s her place to say anything to the new girlfriend about how he can act.

Even though I don’t know the girl personally, I can still reach out to her to let her know about how her boyfriend treats people. I truly believe he’s an abuser.

So, do I reach out to her, or let her learn the hard way, like I did? --- SOMEONE WHO KNOWS

DEAR SOMEONE WHO KNOWS: While your heart’s in the right place in wanting to forewarn your ex’s new girlfriend, I’m not sure anything would be accomplished by your contacting her to share your experiences with her boyfriend. It would most likely come off as you being either jealous of his new love interest, or that you’re a sore loser who’s aiming to spoil your ex’s chances with a new woman.

Next up, just because you found his behavior intolerable, his new girlfriend might have no issues with it, odd and disturbing as that may seem to you. Different strokes for different folks could be at work here.

Finally, although she’s expressed no interest in doing so, if it’s up to anyone to say something, it seems to me it would be more up to your sister-in-law than someone unknown to the new girlfriend. She’s friends with the woman, and is less likely to be seen as having a personal motivation for raising the subject.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My husband is a smart and curious man. He likes to know all sides of a story, and will study something he’s interested in in depth.

I admire him for that, but what I am struggling with is how he also always gives what I think is too much information to our five-year-old son whenever our son does his “why” line of questioning.

I don’t believe young children need to be hit with the scarier parts of reality every single time.

For instance when our son asked about the little fishes and frogs in the pond behind our house and how do they stay there when it gets as cold as it gets in winter, my husband first said that some animals living in the water go into a kind of hibernation or winter nap when it gets cold enough.

That seemed to comfort our little boy. But then my husband had to go and say that it only works for some of the animals. The rest freeze to death. That made our son cry for an hour.

Our son loves feeding the fish in the pond when the weather is good, and the thought that some of his “friends” are dead out there in the frozen pond still makes him cry when he talks about it. He is only five, but he has lost enough older family members and neighbors to know that once someone is dead, you never see them again.

Yes, my husband told him the truth, but I believe he should have stopped at the more hopeful part of his answer, rather than bring in the scarier part of the story, especially for a little boy to try and handle.

Do you think it’s necessary to give a young child the whole brutal answer all the time? --- HOW MUCH TRUTH IS TOO MUCH?

DEAR HOW MUCH TRUTH IS TOO MUCH?: In my experience, young children don’t always take unhappy or frightening truths as hard as we adults either expect them to, or as we do ourselves. It may be the world is less complicated to us when we’re little, and we take facts for what they are — statements of the way it is.

Because children are naturally curious and anxious to know their world better, a lot of questions are inevitable, healthy, and normal. So is the reality that some of the answers to their questions will be harder to take than others.

In the case of your husband’s telling your son the whole truth about what happens in the frozen pond, at least he led with the better news. Could he have left off the part about the animals that don’t make it to the spring? Perhaps. However, I believe it’s important to be honest with children and to give them the best answers you’re able to provide, with appropriate language to match the age and understanding of the child asking the questions.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I am torn about what jewelry to wear on my wedding day.

My mother wants me to wear the necklace she wore to her and my dad’s wedding, and my future mother-in-law wants me to wear her mother’s necklace, which both she and her mother wore on the days they got married.

I am all for tradition and all, but I had already picked out something I wanted to wear, which my fiancé gave me when we celebrated our first dating anniversary. It is also an heirloom piece, but one he picked up from an estate sale jeweler, who told him this whole sweet story about how the necklace had been worn by a woman all her happily married life, which lasted over 70 years. That the story is possibly real makes it special to me, and that he picked it out and gave it to me makes it even more special.

I don’t want to offend my mother or my future mother-in-law, but I also kind of have my heart set on wearing the necklace I was given by the man I love.

How do I pull this off without offending someone? --- PICKED MY OWN NECKLACE

DEAR PICKED MY OWN NECKLACE: You and your future husband are already having an early lesson in family politics; and this is a good opportunity to set the tone for how you want to arrange your future life together.

It’s generous of the two mothers to offer their precious pieces for your use. Hopefully, you’ve shared your gratitude with them both. But you owe it to yourself and your groom to have the wedding you two envision.

Something that may perhaps make your choice easier for the mothers to accept is if you can work in wearing their jewelry at some key point during the wedding festivities, such as at the rehearsal dinner or morning-after brunch, if you’re having those events.

Another suggestion is for you to let them know you’d be pleased and honored to see them wear their own wedding jewelry on your big day, as a way to bring a touch of both continuity and good fortune to your and your husband’s marriage.