DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: While my growing up was far from perfect, my partner is stuck on the wrongs she believes her parents did her as a child, causing, she claims, permanent damage.

Her father was not good at keeping jobs, so they had to move around a lot, and she felt this screwed up her ability to make and keep both friendships and romantic relationships. I keep reminding her we have been together for over five years, and that should prove to her that she can definitely do it. Not only that, but she has made a real life in our town, where she came for a summer internship and decided to make her home.

I had some similar experiences when I was little, with my parents splitting and then shuffling me between them, so I didn’t feel much at home in either house or city. But I have gotten past all that, and have an okay relationship with both my parents. She barely speaks to either of her parents, who are having a hard time because they both have to continue working fulltime and then some, even though they are in their late sixties, because all the job-changing did not leave them any much retirement money.

I feel a little sorry for them, and think it would be nice if their daughter at least reached out to them sometimes. But other than holiday time, when she sends them a card and calls and talks for a few minutes, she has no contact with them.

I think it is time for her to get past the past. Do you agree her still being angry with them cannot be healthy? --- NEEDS TO MOVE ON

DEAR NEEDS TO MOVE ON: Even outwardly successful people live with ghosts and resentments from their past, which they have trouble putting behind them. For some, mentally separating themselves from a painful history is what they feel they need to do to move on, as you’re seeing in your partner’s case. Whether it’s a healthy reaction or not, it’s the path she’s taken thus far.

To help put her pain in perspective, it might be useful to remind her that most likely her parents did what they truly believed they had to do for their family at the time decisions were being made back when she was a child. It’s easy for both those making the decisions and those affected by them to second-guess their actions in retrospect; so there’s a good chance her parents aren’t any happier about how things went for them and their family than she is.

Ultimately, it’ll be up to your partner to decide if she’ll make any more room in her life for her parents. I think it’ll be sad if she doesn’t, but it’s her decision to make and yours to respect.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I decided to retire at 62 based on how my husband, who is four years younger than me, would continue to work fulltime at his job for another 8-10 years. A couple years ago we invested in a condo for our future retirement home, which we currently have rented out to a young military family for another 18 months, which lines up with the husband’s time at his current posting, after which time we originally thought we would get the ball rolling on selling our home and moving into the condo.

Everything changed when my husband was forced to take early retirement at the end of last year because of health reasons.

We had sank most of our savings into the condo, thinking after we sold our house we would pay off both mortgages and live cheaper than we do now, plus have the condo as something to build equity with.

Part of the plan worked until we had to switch things up ahead of schedule. We sold our home and did pay nearly everything off, but we still did not rebuild our nest egg as much as we hoped to do. And we were only able to take advantage of last year’s seller’s market because of a generous offer by our son and daughter-in-law, who kindly offered to let us move in with them until we can get into the condo, since both my husband and I agree we are not going to force the young family out ahead of their time.

Staying with our son’s family and helping with their bills and our grandchildren has been a good way to both start rebuilding our savings and repaying their kindness.

On paper the arrangement looks really good, and for the first few weeks it was. It was like a nice, long visit, with everyone getting along.

It isn’t that we don’t get along now, but there are most certainly some areas where there is a little tension that naturally comes from having four adults and two children under the age of 5 living together. My husband, who nearly never loses his temper, for instance, snapped at our son, who snapped back, last week over who used the last of a cereal they both like. Then, I overheard one of our daughter-in-law’s sisters asking how anyone could live with their in-laws around all the time, to which my daughter-in-law made a comment about how it can be trying sometimes, which I can’t disagree with!

My husband and I are rethinking this arrangement, and wonder if it might be better to find someplace else to live while we wait for the condo to be available. When we started looking at rents, though, we were shocked to see that cramped one-bedrooms are now going for roughly what our tenants are paying for a spacious three-bedroom condo. Paying such a high rent would mean less savings going into our bank account, and the thought of that makes me nervous, especially with the changes with my husband’s health.

We are beginning to feel stuck, but do you think it’s better for us to go or stay? --- LIVING IN LIMBO

DEAR LIVING IN LIMBO: Before making up your minds to leave, it may be well worth everyone’s while to try and establish some basic ground rules for co-habitation, including open, honest, and frequent communications between all parties.

It might help overall if you stop thinking of this as an extended visit, but rather a roommate arrangement, with lines drawn for mutual privacy and clearly established house rights and responsibilities.

If after giving these things a try you find there’s still a growing sense of universal frustration, then in order to keep what sounds like an otherwise healthy family relationship intact, finding your own place for the duration would seem to be for the best.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My boyfriend is always complaining about how we can’t do anything on Sundays on account of my spending most of the day at my church. He isn’t entirely wrong, but long before we even started dating, I and my family attended service, followed by my teaching Sunday school, and more recently conducting the afternoon Youth Group meetings.

All these things mean a great deal to me, and my family has always stressed service to our Lord and our church’s community. My boyfriend knew all of this when we got together, and I do everything in my power to keep my Friday nights and Saturdays free to spend with him. But he has been wanting to do a weekend get-away for some time now, and that currently is not possible for me to do, since I am acting as the Director of Christian Education while the woman who usually does that job is on maternity leave.

I love my boyfriend, and want to make him happy. But I also feel that my Sunday devotions and teaching are commitments I am duty-bound to keep.

What can I do to make my boyfriend understand this is absolutely nothing against him and our relationship, but I am not in a position right now to be able to take time away from what is needed of me by my calling to service and the congregation? --- DEVOTED TO MY FAITH

DEAR DEVOTED TO MY FAITH: Even though your boyfriend knew about your Sunday priorities from the start of your relationship, it doesn’t mean he didn’t perhaps have expectations that there would be some wiggle room in your established routine. If his religious views and practices are different than yours, this is even more likely to be the case.

One thing to consider in assisting him to better understand how much your congregation relies on you is to see if he’s willing to be part of some of your Sunday duties, at least once. If nothing else, it’d give him a window into the importance of what you do for those you serve.

If he’s willing to meet you that far, then hopefully when the Director of Christian Education returns, you can work out coverage for a Sunday in the not too distant future to allow time for that getaway with your boyfriend. He doesn’t appear to be asking for much more than that, which I understand feels like a lot to you right now, but probably also means a lot to him. As accepting as he may be of your beliefs, practices, and devotion to service, it’s entirely reasonable that he needs to feel that he too is a vital part of your life, and your making an effort to give him one weekend might just make all the difference in the world to him.