DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Valentine’s Day was a big deal to my ex. Our first real date was on Valentine’s Day, and he proposed to me on the second Valentine’s Day we were together last year.
We had a good thing for nearly two years, but once I knew he was getting serious and probably going to propose to me, I started thinking that nice as he is and as well as he treated me, he just wasn’t the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I told him this when he proposed, and that made last Valentine’s Day our last night out together.
Last week he texted me asking me out on Valentine’s Day, saying he had made a reservation to take his new girlfriend to one of the hardest to get into restaurants in the city, but she had to go out of town for business until mid-March. Talk about sketchy!
My mother, who always liked my ex, said it wouldn’t hurt to go out with him this one time. I am currently not in a relationship, so it isn’t like I have anything special to do that night anyway, she said.
Would I be nuts to accept his offer? I’ve let him know I only like him as a friend since the breakup, and I have no intention of getting back together, which I suspect is his real motive for “suddenly” having no one to go with to his expensive restaurant on February 14th.
Do you agree with my mother, or does this all sound sketchy to you too? --- DONE WITH THE GUY
DEAR DONE WITH THE GUY: I’m leaning heavily in your direction since your ex’s story doesn’t ring very true.
For starters, if he’s seeing someone new, how thrilled would she be to know her boyfriend is taking his old flame, to whom he proposed marriage, out on the night he considers particularly special? That alone makes it appear unlikely there’s a new woman in his life, and his main motive in getting together on this occasion is, as you surmise, to give him an opportunity to plead his case for a second chance with you.
Since you presumably know how your ex thinks better than your mother does, I believe the safest tactic, both for your sake and your ex’s, is to politely decline his dinner invitation.