DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I grew up in a tight family, and I thought my sister and I were always treated fairly. Now we heard from our parents that they have had their wills done and have decided to leave the family home to my older sister and whatever cash assets are left to me.

This may not seem like a big deal, but the house is worth a lot more money than any savings my parents have, especially when you think how they may need to pay for medical expenses and long-term care, and things like that if anything happens to them down the road. My sister will still have something, and I will probably get a little, if any, cash.

Why would any parents do this? Doesn’t it seem unfair? --- NOT A FAIR DEAL

DEAR NOT A FAIR DEAL: Have you spoken to your parents about this arrangement? It’s possible there’s more fairness involved than you’re aware of. There could be retirement funds, life insurance, or other assets, which when combined, stack up favorably against the value of your parents’ home.

You’ve already considered the chance of medical expenses for your parents as they age chipping away at their savings, but the equity in their home is another potential asset that may be needed by them at some point in the future. So your sister’s eventual inheritance might not be as valuable as it currently appears.

I hope you’re able to make peace with this situation now, while your family is still intact. I’ve seen too many families torn up by issues like this, and often the damage could have been avoided if everyone took the time to try and understand the whole picture, rather than just their part of it.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My daughter just had her first baby in late June and since the night he was born, my daughter has not had a full night’s sleep. My son-in-law, who works security at a warehouse district five nights a week, isn’t around except two nights a week, and my daughter doesn’t want him to have to help on his nights off, because he too is tired. During the days, he takes care of my grandson for a couple hours before he tries to get some sleep, so my daughter can get a quick nap, but that is about all she can get, since she is nursing.

I live a few miles away, as does my ex, and while we are still both working, we have offered to each take a night a week to cover for when my son-in-law is at work. I have also tried to convince my daughter to pump some milk we would be able to give the baby so she can sleep more than two or three hours at a time. But so far, she has refused the offers to take overnights from her dad and me, and she flat-out refuses to let her son take a bottle, even with her milk in it.

I think it’s a shame my daughter is foolishly wearing herself out needlessly. When we talk or I visit, she is obviously stressed and beyond exhausted, and she doesn’t have to be if she would just take us up on our offers to help. It feels like she is being selfish and seeing herself as a martyr. How does it seem to you? --- TRYING TO HELP

DEAR TRYING TO HELP: Your daughter sounds like a pretty typical new mother to me. That’s not to say she needs to be wearing herself out as she is, especially since ready help is at hand.

If allowing you and her father to back her up a few overnights is a non-starter for her, then perhaps you could let your daughter know you’d be happy to cover for her during the days you and your ex are off from work, like her husband currently does when he’s able. That might give them both a break to get some rest, which may take a little of the sting out of her constant overnights. If it happens that your days off coincide with your son-in-law’s, an extra incentive presents itself in the young couple having at least a bit of time for just the two of them, if grandma or grandpa can fill in for a few precious hours.

One way to possibly further strengthen your offer to help is by sharing with your daughter that you and your ex are not only be more than happy to babysit, but would truly enjoy and be grateful for the opportunity to spend some special, irreplaceable time with your new grandson.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I almost never ask favors of people, unless I really, really, really need to, and then I still don’t like doing it.

I have a friend who is always asking favors from me, and sometimes they are big ones. She once asked me to watch her dog for a month while she was overseas for training for her company. Another time she asked me to go with her to pick up the car her parents were giving her when they got a new one and knew she needed to replace her beater. I had to take off from work and even though she paid for the one-way airfare and the food and hotel costs, I lost money at my job, because my earnings are partially dependent on commissions.

I love my friend, but I do not especially like how she never seems to want to help me out when I need a hand, like when I had a pipe burst in my basement and I had to pull up the carpet and repaint two of the walls. I asked her for help, but she said she couldn’t because of mold allergies I never heard her mention before.

She also never wants to dog sit for me because she says my lab’s size makes her nervous, even though she plays with her every time she comes to my house.

Other times when I ask her to help, she suddenly seems to have some special work project come up.

I really don’t mind helping her out, but shouldn’t it work both ways? --- A FRIEND IN NEED

DEAR A FRIEND IN NEED: Your friend is fortunate to have you in her life. I wonder, though, if you’re too nice when you’re the one asking a favor. Do you make it clear to her that the favor you’re asking is important to you, that you wouldn’t ask if you didn’t need the help, and you are counting on her to offer you that help? Perhaps if she were made to realize these favors are not casual asks, she might be more open to do some of them.

However, it may also be that she’s simply not someone who’s inclined to be a favor granter, and for all her better and best qualities, she’s not who you should ever consider counting on in certain areas. Different people define friendship in different ways, and you two are likely at odds in what to expect in a friendship.