DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have an older sister who used to party a lot when she was in college and for a couple of years after she graduated. Now she spends most of her weekends during the summer totally hammered. It isn’t pretty, and last year she ended up with a DWI and a suspended license and court-ordered classes.
When anyone tries to tell her she has a real problem, she says she only drinks a lot in the summer, so she isn’t an alcoholic or anything like that.
As the person who sees her most weekends and got pulled into being her personal chauffeur while she had no license, I totally disagree. I keep telling her you can’t be just a parttime alcoholic. I think she takes after our dad, who still likes to party with his friends, but they are older and keep to beer mostly. My sister hits the harder stuff, and not long ago she admitted she’s gone to blackout a few times, but “always just in the summer.”
I don’t get why she thinks that’s an okay thing. To me she is an alcoholic and I don’t know how to get her help. How do you convince an alcoholic she is one? --- MY SISTER HAS A PROBLEM
DEAR MY SISTER HAS A PROBLEM: I agree with you that your sister very likely has a drinking problem based on what you said.
A good place for you to start would be finding help and guidance for yourself. Check out a local Al-Anon or other recognized support program for the loved ones of people suffering from addictions.
You could also reach out to other family members and friends of your sister to see if they have any ideas on how best to help her. Formal interventions appear to have mixed results, but just having a team ready to support you and your sister might not be a bad idea.
In the end, regardless of all you do to try and convince her, your sister is going to need to acknowledge and accept her condition and want to change it before she’ll be ready to seek help.