DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My husband’s retirement happened just a few months before our youngest son moved out into an apartment with some of his friends. He has taken the kids leaving worse than I have, which seems to be the opposite of most of our friends.
Maybe a big difference between how we are adjusting is that I’m still working, and have begun to really enjoy some little empty nest perks, like not having to do much meal planning with just the two of us and not having to compete for the washing machine or pick up after anyone but ourselves.
Most days my husband mopes around the house, and I hear from our kids that he has started calling and texting them throughout the day. I’m not allowed to have my personal phone on me at work, so when I get a break and can check my phone, I often find several texts and at least one voicemail from my husband.
I get that this is a big adjustment for him, but it doesn’t seem like he has any idea of what to do with himself. I encourage him to find things to do around the house, take classes, start a new hobby, all those usual things, but so far all he does is mope. It can be a real downer coming home to him some days.
What do I do to light a fire under him? --- WIFE OF A MOPE
DEAR WIFE OF A MOPE: It sounds like your husband is having a not unusual reaction to two major life changes in retirement and facing an empty nest. As you’ve already recognized, unlike your husband, you’ve still got the structure of a workday, and are able to see a few of the upsides of having a more relaxed homelife.
I’d say give him time to adjust, and continue to encourage him to find ways to challenge and give himself something to enjoy. Since he’s not much of a hobbyist, perhaps he would benefit from parttime paid or volunteer work — there’s plenty of both out there. You could also check with your kids to see if they have any ideas on how to help keep Dad busy and feeling more purposeful.