DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When my younger sister was little, we used to call her the “Bull Mule,” after two of the most stubborn animals in the world. Once she gets hold of an argument, she NEVER gives in and she NEVER lets it go, but we all know not to take it personally, because she just needs to be right all the time.
Now my sister is in a serious relationship with a really good guy, and I see she does the same thing to him she’s done all her life to the rest of our family. If the poor guy doesn’t agree with her on something, she hotly contradicts him and keeps it going. I don’t quite understand how he puts up with it, but I keep hoping that he can, because he’s so good for her, and for all her temper, she’s the most loving, loyal person I know. She’s just not as good at projecting her better qualities or keeping her opinions to herself.
I have often wanted to sit down with him and give him the full story about how she may be stubborn, but she’s also loving and crazy loyal, and insane as it sounds, does not mean to hurt anyone.
I really believe that if he can put up with the more raw parts of her personality, the man could be the best thing that’s happened to her. But is it fair to put the guy on the spot like that by having a heart-to-heart with him? --- GOOD FOR MY SISTER
DEAR GOOD FOR MY SISTER: You refer to your sister’s relationship as “serious,” and you’ve already seen her direct her fury towards her boyfriend, so I’m guessing it’s a safe bet he has a sense of what he’s gotten himself into. By now, he’s hopefully figured out that although she’s a tenacious combatant, it isn’t necessarily anything personal — it’s just the way she’s built.
Having a private conversation with him about how you see your sister is likely to come off more as a defense of her behavior, rather than a testament to her more endearing qualities.
Ultimately, regardless of what, if anything, you choose to share about your sister, it’s up to him to decide if she’s a keeper for him or not.